He doesn't like anal & won't even try a finger!!!!!

How do I get my guy to try anal??? He won't even accept a lubed up finger... on himself or me!! Any suggestions to try changing his mind?

I don't know why he won't accept it on you, it's your anus after all. As for himself I know most guys don't like even the thought of doing it. Talk to him about it and see why it is that he doesn't want to do it. Most likely the only way for you to get him to say yes is because he wants to. You never know, he may come around. Good luck!

most men say they dont want it themselves as they fear they may b perceived as gay! however, maybe pleasure yourself in that way to show him how much you enjoy it,might change his mind??

I'd forgo doing anything as intrusive as using your fingers on him, and try approaching the area slowly and softly with your mouth the next time you go down on him. Judge from his reaction how to continue or stop.

Don't try and do anything to him before he's more relaxed about you enjoying it yourself.

One thing I'd suggest is watching some porn together that "just happens" to include some scenes of girls enjoying anal. You could tell him you'd like to try it sometime as everyone on the film seems to be enjoyin g it so much! Or at least ask him to try using a slim vibrator on you for starters.

He might be worried / turned off by the hygeine issues. Having an enema before anal is always good to keep things clean. Practice this part first before you approach the whole anal idea with your man. You want him to see that the toys he uses on you stay clean - so his dick should be okay too.

Bath-Bi-Guy is as always very sensible but for the first time I have to disagree.

I think anal douches or enemas are a big experience and could be exceedingly intimidating to your partner.

Another issue is that if you start anal sex only after anal douching or enema then your partner may never have the opportunity to discover that with suitable lubrication and condoms normal healthy anal intercourse is not remarkably messy and any mess that does sometimes happen is easy to contain and clean.

Only once your partner feels comfortable and happy that they are not going to redecorate the bedroom every time you go near each others bottoms then suggesting an anal douche is a good idea.

I would be interested to know how long you’ve been together as a couple might he be finding this all a bit threatening in the early stages does he feel you are implying the things he is already been doing to you are not good enough. Or have you been together for a long time and is he perhaps feeling that he has been neglectful all the time you’ve been together and that this is something you have been craving and not telling him about.

Porn as a means of introducing new ideas is a brilliant idea and licking his perineum leading to rimming his arse gently if he will let you is a great way of him discovering how sensitive he is and how pleasant the sensations can be.

He may have had bad experiences in the past – a sharp fingernail scraped roughly against the prostate can be agonising.

He may even be one of those men to whom rubbing the prostate can be like a trigger leading to almost instant ejaculation this is not necessarily that pleasant and also he may be very worried he would then be a disappointment to you.

He may be worried you would write about what you had done and tell everyone on this website.

It may have only been that he was only worried on one occasion he may have thought that he was about to fart and been desperate not to do it while you were near his arse.

I think it essential you talk to him and find out why he is resistant to the idea. Only once you have discovered why he is so negative about the idea can you really start to deal with the problem.

I found this message on a different thread "Getting Straight Men to Partake"

There are excellent articles on getting comfortable with anal play here:

and also here:

Thanks to A Woman's Touch.

It would be well worth i wish the prince of persia wasnt animation taking a look at that thread.

There is also a huge amount of advice on the
"Anal Sex for beginners, any advice?"
which would be well worth reading.


I hear what you're saying about my comment, but to clarify I wasn't suggesting the anti-anal guy should get involved with enemas. No no no. What I meant was, the questioner might want to consider it before she persuaded her partner to try arousing her using a vibrator in her ass for the first time. If he's scared of the subject then seeing the vib coming out a different colour would just freak him out for life. But if it's all clean and easy he might be encouraged. He never need know she's had an enema!

Speaking for myself I like it as clean as possible. I enjoy anal a lot, but any sign of - lets not beat about the bush here - shit - and I'm well and truly turned off. Lots of men are more sensitive to the sight / smell than women I think. Maybe it has something to do with the fact we don't usually have quite as much involvement with things like looking after babies.

Good point Bath-Bi-Guy! Yes, she could certainly keep herself ultra clean to ensure her partner needn't find anything untoward when they start experimenting.


If he's really not interested, don't try and change his mind - he may have very good reasons that he can't/won't share with you.

I like anal but I dress as a girl first then have vibe or finger , its the only way i like it , maybe you should get your guy to dress as female you would be suprised.

haha i used a finger on my bf d uva day.....was quite a laugh coz normally he acts all macho n manly but he liked it still, dint fink he wud lol

Just to add to the comments about enemas, I'd like to say that if you have a healthy diet you shouldn't necessarily need an enema before sex. Just a bowel movement and good bath should get things clean. Relying too much on enemas can actually destroy the delicate balance of bacterial flora in your bowels, which in itself is unhealthy.

I think running a vibrator around that part of the body once your partner is aroused might help to get him in the mood for it. I'd expect to take things very slowly though. It's such a taboo area that lots of people have big hang ups about it and are unlikely to change their minds overnight or after a couple of exploratory missions to that area.

i can't tell you what or how to do to get him into it, but i can tell you my story. my boyfriend used to be like that, too. he used to think that anything associated with ass, even if remotely, is gay. but now he's mad about it! i started it off slowly.. firls by just talking about it, how much i'd want to try it with him, and how curious i am about it, then when i'd go down on him, just before he cums, i'd press his P spot. that woukld make him familiar and curious about the unexplored feelings. i'd then accidentally slip my tongue or finger just that little bit further, but never too far as though not to scare him off. then i had shown him a video on love hony about Aneros Eupho Prostate Massager, which made him curious even more. then i offered him it as a present. the point is not to rush into it. bit by bit... and now i think Aneros is his 2nd best friend (after me, of course). hope this helps.

I'm on the opposite side of this. I would love to try this, but we've never talked about this, and i fear she thinks its a bit 'gay'. any ideas?

To the prince of persia lady, I wouldn't try messing with it before he is ready, I too showed my hubby the aneros toy as he'd tried a dildo and hated it, the aneros intruiged him, unfortunately it turns out mine doesn't like anal.

The insistance on not going near may be a real phobia. I knew one guy terrified of ejaculating around people (partners) because he had been molested by an older boy when he was young. maybe it is some past experience that leads to this fear? Hopefully not as extreme as the man I used to know.

To stoney - I'd suggest you talk to your lady about your curiosity - women don't think a man that wants anal is gay at all, that opinion seems to be a man thing! Well not unless he wants anal with another man of course heh ;-)

In all cases comminication is the key - it is amazing what simple, honest and open talking does

"Communication is the key" - Absolutely right! There is an old saying that you only regret the things you don't do and if you are interested in anal but you can't bring yourself to talk about it openly with your partner then you are going to end up in years to come wondering what it would have been like had you been brave enough to broach the subject. Both I and my wife had very strict old-fashioned parents so it was really hard for me to get up the courage to suggest we try a strapon. There had been a late night program that touched on female to male anal with a strapon and I just knew I wanted to try it. It took me weeks to find the moment and the courage to ask. To my amazement she agreed. That was about 8 years ago and it's been a wonderful part of our lovemaking ever since. A great reward for a few minutes of courage.

Remember, if your relationship is really sound it won't be damaged by being honest about your desires.

my partner loves giving me anal we start with the vibe or finger first with lots of lube,i said to him if you do it to me its only fair i give it him back,at 1st he was a bit wary but i was very gentle with him and now he really ejoys it,i think the best thing to do is to just start off licking and gently touching then he'l probably urge you to go further,take it just one step at a time.you could always have a sexy bath or shower together 1st so he knows your both clean if thats a worry to him..