Kunilingus although you are not attracted to men are you attracted to cock ? There could well be a big difference. You would like to experience being sucked by a guy..would you like to suck cock as well?..would you like to wank another man to orgasm ?..have you ever wanted to be f**ked by a cock from behind ? I suspect being 100% honest you would answer yes to at least 2 from these 3 questions...but you don't want a "relationship" with a I right ????And I suspect you feel you can't confide in your wife in this despite being really close in other ways ? IF you do feel this way I honestly don't think it means you must be may go down that path in the future but at the moment it seems as though your fantasy is both a huge turn on and the source of your frustration, sometime, somewhere your going to do something about it,like you said in a posting you did in April's not going away is it? Please involve your wife, like Laynie says she may have a few fantasies that would surprise you!! If you do something behind her back, like a "escort" and she found and keep on talking, try getting her to read forums like this if this too is a "secret", whatever you do it won't be easy but can you honestly keep your fantasy as just a fantasy???