Luv bunny wrote:
Communication is all well and good, Terri, but what if the OPs husband is the sort of guy that doesn't want to face the fact that he may have a problem? Some people would rather live in denial, than get help for it, and if Viagra doesn't help much, then maybe there's some deep-rooted psychological issue going on. Or the Viagra they got is a dud.
either way, I don't see what's so wrong with researching other ways of helping him out. A hollow strap on isn't the worst idea ever... Better than going and finding another guys dick.
Toys are good too, but sometimes you just want to experience intimacy with someone you love and who loves you.
The fact that the poor fella is trying viagra makes me think he isn't pretending he doesn't have a problem.
The problem with going ahead and choosing out a hollow strap on as the option you want to try before talking about it with your OH is the devestating effect it could have on his confidence when it is sprung on him 'hey, you're not enough for me, I want you to wear this instead of trying to use your penis as it just doesn't work for me'. Whether or not that is the sentiment, that's how many men who are alreday struggling tend to take being replaced with toys. It can make his problem infinitely worse. So Terri's suggestion of communicating is very valid. But I think OP knows this considering she has said she is going to have the conversation :)
Plus with regards to the guy having a 'deep rooted psycological problem' or having dud viagra, buying a strap on isn't actually helping him out in any respect. It's quite literally covering up the problem. The first step in actually helping him would be getting to the root of that problem or trying out alternate medication or trying methods to enhance his own erection, such as using a penis pump and cock ring. Finding another guy's dick is obviously never going to be a solution, so it's a tad pointless to compare that to buying a strap on (or anything, frankly). Anything is going to feel like a solution compared to cheating...and since OP hasn't asked him yet, her partner could well be one of the many men who feel there is little difference between having sex with another man and having sex with sex toys instead of them. It's all about feeling replaced, the only difference being another person is involved in cheating. It's possible, and that's why communication is very important. He could be very open to the idea of the strap on, or it could destroy whatever confidence he has and take away any sense of intimacy in the relationship. We don't know.
Honestly OP, I'd get him back to the doctor to see if anything can be done from that route. I would go for the penis pump and cock ring route before the hollow strap on. Apart from the fact that it could fix his problem rather than cover it up, it could let you see how open he is to sex toys as a whole. If he doesn't feel good about you suggecting a cock ring he won't feel good about you suggesting a strap on. Ones like this can help strengthern erections:
This one is very good for getting the perfect fit, and is great to use with the pump:
And overall, with reference to 'We've just got married and I need to help him to get him going if we want this marriage last', I would learn to appreciate that having a hard cock inside you is not the be all and end all of a happy marriage. If he is using his hands and his mouth to try to make up for his ED, you should be appreciating that not brushing it off. There are men out there, with or without ED, who don't make such an effort to make up for their partner's lack of orgasms through penetration. He's suffering in this situation too, so go easy on him and see if he has any ideas on how to improve sex for both of you before going for the rather last resort of confining him to a hollow strap on.