Help - Erectile Dysfunction

Sex Tips & Talk
1

Hi guys,

My husband suffers from ED and I haven't experienced a full blown sex with him so far! We've just got married and I need to help him to get him going if we want this marriage last. He takes Viagra but he only last for a few minutes and it takes ages to get him erect again. I get frustrated in the meantime. And using hands, mouths etc is all good and well but I want to feel hard cock inside me!

So I've started researching sites for answers to our problems. And it looks like a hollow strap on could be an answer.

does anybody else experience the same problem? Does your boyfriend, partner, husband suffers from ED and what's your recommendations?

any views on hollow strap ones? (Yet a conversation to have with my husband about it!!)

which are the best hollow strap on?

all helps and advices are much appreciated!

Russki

2

Hmmmm. You want to feel a hard cock inside you....you started to look at hollow strapons...but you haven't discussed it with him ? Does he get a say in what he wants ?

COMMUTATION !!! The most important thing in all relationships. Yes, I'm sure you want these things.....and I'm also sure he would like to be able to give them to you...but going behind his back to look at how to get what you want is not going to help either of you !

Talk to each other...and more importantly, listen to each other. They'll be a solution out there, but you stand a much better chance of finding it if you search together x

1 Like
3

Communication is all well and good, Terri, but what if the OPs husband is the sort of guy that doesn't want to face the fact that he may have a problem? Some people would rather live in denial, than get help for it, and if Viagra doesn't help much, then maybe there's some deep-rooted psychological issue going on. Or the Viagra they got is a dud.

either way, I don't see what's so wrong with researching other ways of helping him out. A hollow strap on isn't the worst idea ever... Better than going and finding another guys dick.

Toys are good too, but sometimes you just want to experience intimacy with someone you love and who loves you.

4

Question. Was the Viagra prescribed? If not, seek medical, professional advice. Cialis,( Tadalafil ) may be more suitable. Stays in the system longer and works along with stimulation. The two of you really have to discuss the situation. Don't make rash decisions. Good luck.

5

I've had bouts of ED during illnesses, and in fact ended up using a solid strapon because I had an indwelling catheter - possible to get inside a hollow one but tricky. Mrs P wasn't keen on the thought of it, but when I managed to get it in, she had a magnificent time! Oddly enough, so did I - no worries about keeping it up, lasting long enough or making the Mrs pregmant (again!).

So even if you're wedded to a firm cock in you, there are ways to do it if you can get your man to co-operate. But do try to talk it over with him - one of the problems we had is that Mrs. P is suspicious of anything thast isn't my cock or her fanny, so beyond hoping I got better (which I did, but now seem to be getting worse again) we didn't really do that much about it.

I certainly felt a lot happier that I could give her a good time, and having found a strapon pretty much the size and shape of my own tackle, with a condom on she couldn't tell the difference. There again, I get off on pleasing my partner, which is not always a chap's top priority ... .

If you like firm, you might want to try one with a glass dildo.

6

Luv bunny wrote:

Communication is all well and good, Terri, but what if the OPs husband is the sort of guy that doesn't want to face the fact that he may have a problem? Some people would rather live in denial, than get help for it, and if Viagra doesn't help much, then maybe there's some deep-rooted psychological issue going on. Or the Viagra they got is a dud.

either way, I don't see what's so wrong with researching other ways of helping him out. A hollow strap on isn't the worst idea ever... Better than going and finding another guys dick.

Toys are good too, but sometimes you just want to experience intimacy with someone you love and who loves you.

The fact that the poor fella is trying viagra makes me think he isn't pretending he doesn't have a problem.

The problem with going ahead and choosing out a hollow strap on as the option you want to try before talking about it with your OH is the devestating effect it could have on his confidence when it is sprung on him 'hey, you're not enough for me, I want you to wear this instead of trying to use your penis as it just doesn't work for me'. Whether or not that is the sentiment, that's how many men who are alreday struggling tend to take being replaced with toys. It can make his problem infinitely worse. So Terri's suggestion of communicating is very valid. But I think OP knows this considering she has said she is going to have the conversation :)

Plus with regards to the guy having a 'deep rooted psycological problem' or having dud viagra, buying a strap on isn't actually helping him out in any respect. It's quite literally covering up the problem. The first step in actually helping him would be getting to the root of that problem or trying out alternate medication or trying methods to enhance his own erection, such as using a penis pump and cock ring. Finding another guy's dick is obviously never going to be a solution, so it's a tad pointless to compare that to buying a strap on (or anything, frankly). Anything is going to feel like a solution compared to cheating...and since OP hasn't asked him yet, her partner could well be one of the many men who feel there is little difference between having sex with another man and having sex with sex toys instead of them. It's all about feeling replaced, the only difference being another person is involved in cheating. It's possible, and that's why communication is very important. He could be very open to the idea of the strap on, or it could destroy whatever confidence he has and take away any sense of intimacy in the relationship. We don't know.

Honestly OP, I'd get him back to the doctor to see if anything can be done from that route. I would go for the penis pump and cock ring route before the hollow strap on. Apart from the fact that it could fix his problem rather than cover it up, it could let you see how open he is to sex toys as a whole. If he doesn't feel good about you suggecting a cock ring he won't feel good about you suggesting a strap on. Ones like this can help strengthern erections:

http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=32772

This one is very good for getting the perfect fit, and is great to use with the pump:

http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=28652

http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=28656

And overall, with reference to 'We've just got married and I need to help him to get him going if we want this marriage last', I would learn to appreciate that having a hard cock inside you is not the be all and end all of a happy marriage. If he is using his hands and his mouth to try to make up for his ED, you should be appreciating that not brushing it off. There are men out there, with or without ED, who don't make such an effort to make up for their partner's lack of orgasms through penetration. He's suffering in this situation too, so go easy on him and see if he has any ideas on how to improve sex for both of you before going for the rather last resort of confining him to a hollow strap on.

7

Thank you do all your messages. I brought the subject last night and he was very much up for it. Viagra was prescribed and we went to a very expensive doctor in Harley Street and after submitting blood samples, they still don't know the cause of his ED which started in late 20s. We're both in our 40s. He had failed relationships because of his ED, and I'm the inky one who understood him completely. And said it wouldn't matter as long as we would find alternative ways. And of course I'm very appreciative for him using his hands and mouth as that's his way for compensating for not being able to keep hard that long or taking a while getting erect.

I still want to go to the doctors with him, have more discussions about it, I'm very much up for it and uphe juts can't thank me enough for my support and understanding. And I spoke spa out alternatives and sent him a couple of articles on toys for ED sufferers, he was very much up for it.

yes, it's all about communication and I openly talk to him about as no point to pretend everything is well in the bedroom department. I totally get his issue and he also openly suggested alternatives as he doesn't want make me suffer or frustrated.

8

Welcome. You obviously love the man as you have got married, and I sympathise with your situation, it must be very frustrating for you and upsetting for him.

I would ask to speed to the Dr together about this, there are specialists and hopefully they can find the cause of the problem and work towards a solution. please don't push him no matter how frustrated you get. You can always masturbate to relieve your frustration. He may not be able to.

Now for some practical suggestions. This strap on looks great and it's in the sale (out of stock but this might change) http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=22574. It has plenty of room for him inside so if he finds fucking you with it a real turn on he has plenty of room to grow and cum.

For him you could try a penis pump, I would recommend the one with the pressure dial. It's a little more expensive than the basic ones but it will allow you or him to chart your progress. This coupled with a good cock ring (doc Johnson do a pack of 4 in different sizes) might help him gain and maintain an erection.

please be patient, talk to him, see a specialist and hopefully things will get better.

9

Firstly apologies if my first post came across as harsh....that wasn't my intention at all x

Your love for your husband is obvious, you married him while very aware of his issue. He's lucky to have found you and I really hope that together, you can a way forward with your sex life.

xx

10

@ Lovebirds, you make some valid points about a hollow strap-on just hiding the problem, and I'm sorry if I came across as being blunt and unsupportive of the OP's OH.

I just wished to point out that communication on issues such as this is not always easy. Depends on how receptive the other party is...some people will just dismiss an idea straight away without even trying it first. So I can understand if she felt she couldn't mention it to her OH first.

we did not know all the details behind the Viagra...for all we know it could have been an internet purchase, which obviously isn't the way to go. Hence why I said it may be a dud...moreover, the OH could have agreed to take Viagra to placate the OP knowing that it wasn't going to help at all if it was an inferior tablet. This would be very deceptive, and not the way to go about things at all, but we just didn't know the whole story...

now we know, as OP has updated us. So enough speculation on what could or may have been.

I certainly don't condone cheating, but we need to face the fact that sometimes it happens. I know people who've been cheated on and it's had devastating consequences. So, for me personally, cheating is an abhorrent idea.

Good luck to Russki and her OH. Hope things work out for you both x

11

Did you know he had this before you married? You say he needs to sort it out if he wants the marriage to last 1.that is very harsh and 2. If it's enough to end a marriage why marry?

now you may be thinking "that's a bit harsh, I married him because I love him" if it's not something to stop you marrying him why would it be grounds for divorce?

in terms of advice, If it's not medical then it may be psychological. Imagine your partner telling you he will leave you if you don't orgasm within 5 minutes for him, it WILL stop you orgasming (unless it's a fetish of yours) the more pressure you put on him the worse this issue will be.

does he orgasm when he only lasts a few minutes or does he just go limp again? If he doesn't orgasm then you Dan bet your bottom dollar it's frustrating him, again making the issue worse.

If he is orgasming it's likely he's going full throttle to avoid going limp and making himself bust quickly. Also, if he's orgasmed it will take a while to get an erection again, if I suggested for one second that my OH get hard after sex I'd be thrown out of bed! It doesn't come on like a light switch!

at the end of the day, this man is under a lot of pressure to perform, it's kind of your responsibility to chill him out. Focus on the other stuff, massages and oral, consider any sex you get as a bonus, this will relax his mind that he can still pleasure you even if his penis can't.

For the times that he does get hard, try a rubber cock ring, it'll hold the blood in the penis keeping it hard longer, he'll be able to relax knowing he's got a little help and maybe won't go full throttle causing an early orgasm if that's what's happening. Either way a cock ring will help but only when he's already hard.

remember: marriage is a thing meant to last for life, you don't know that in ten years you won't have an issue downstairs and be unable to have sex, how would you feel if he threatened to leave you over something you can't control?

12

From a male perspective though having never suffered fro ED I would say that a cock ring ring either used with Viagra or with a penis pump should help keep his erection for longer.Your OH has my deepest sympathy and I hope you both manage to find a solution that is suitable for both of you.

13

tracey cox penis pump and laso ring are great we got them in the summer bundle but they are great for getting you hard and staying hard xx

14

Hi guys, again thank you for all your supportive message and I'm writing your tips down. I knew about his ED issue when we started dating. Well, he finished our dating without explaining himself and when he did, re ED, I asked hi if it all it was! I said immediately there were loads of toys and other things to help us with his matter. And off we started again till he proposed and we jpg it married in Vegas a few weeks ago. I encourage him talk openly about our sex life and issue we experience as we go along. I love him and won't our marriage on,y because he suffers from ED. so I've been looking and researching different sites for fellow ED sufferers. I read a lot about the cock rings and pumps San mentioned them to him last night. It's hard to discuss these things on FAceTIme. I work in Iraq and he's in the UK. I'm due home in a couple of weeks and I'd be buying a couple off things off this site.

My DH is very cooperative and willing to try and its absolutely no way I'm putting pressure on him or forcing into trying things he's not comfortable with.

Russki

15

As someone who has problems keeping it up, me and the Mrs left it to fester for YEARS, it got really frustrating and snowballed into a huge psychological problem, I became worried and anxious to have sex incase he didn't work which in turn then took over the pleasure of having sex, leading to the chap 'dying', cementing the issue further in my consciousness. For her, the issue made her feel unattractive and this did the same thing for her in terms of, each time it happened she would question her ability to please me, making her upset which then made me angry that I couldn't even keep it up... Which made me anxious the next time we'd try to have sex... It was horrendous, what started off as the odd occasional failure became common and fully finished sex became a rarity :(

Worst thing I did was not confront it, i saw a doctor twice who shrugged off my problem (probably thought I was too young for medication), I cracked and checked out lloyds pharmacy online, they approved me for Sildinafil, something like £30 for a bunch of tablets

These have worked very well for me, the effects of an undying hard on when I need it lasts up to 30 hours,

Initially it was a bit weird having to be like 'I'll take a tablet shall I babe' having to plan sex,

I then started to take the tablet in secret and just come on to her, which helped bring back a level of spontanaity

I would recommend trying lloyds online pharmacy and defo Sildinafil, especially if it's a psychological issue

16

Ok she's said she just looking for a strap on. I don't think we all need to bounce on her.
I'm with you on buying a steap on. My oh doesn't have ed but can some times get a little to happy to quick.
Have to tried using a condom? This might make somewhat a difference. If not how about giving something like this a go. We brought it and my partner says it worked a treat. I have to agree. . http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=61
The end of this is solid so less sensitive to the head

http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=1601 We also have this another favourite.

& good luck XX

19

I suppose I've suffered with ed on and off for about 20 years from the age of 25. I think some of it is psychological and a little physical. I was a late starter with girls as i had low self esteem and didn't think the opposite sex would find me attractive or interesting . I have had only one long term relationship before i got married and never suffered with ed during that. So I've been single a lot of the time and used to masterbate a lot. When i first met my wife i had trouble with ed and went to a therapist who used hypnotherapy to correct it. It worked and we had a family but as time went on our relationship got less loving and i turned to porn for my sexual release neglecting my wife and marriage. Recently we tried to get our sex life going again but it wasn't quite right and again ed raised it's ugly head. Over the years I've tried Viagra but didn't like it and have mixed success with herbal alternatives. The underlining problem for me is pornography. I now have no interest in it what so ever and have given it up. I used hypnotherapy which i found on internet and downloaded so it hasn't even been that hard to go without. I still find the female form attractive especially in lingerie but i do not watch sex anymore and masterbate less and when i do it's without any visual stimulation. Usually I am thinking about my wife's body or something rude we've got up to in the past. This as led me into a renewed interest in my wife's body and sexuality and i feel like a randy teenager. I am also using various herbal remedies for male libido and trying to live more healthy in general I.e diet and exercise. I am 48 by the way. We have not had penetrative sex til climax yet since the new begining of about 6 weeks ago but have had a few goes at it and plenty of oral both ways . But the best bit is the in the day groping and snogging and cuddling. I even got hard the other night just looking at my wife getting undressed which hasn't happened for a long time. We had a weekend away recently and managed an afternoon quicky , a drunk midnight session and an early morning oral feast and we've been married for 11 years and have 2 young kids. So there is hope for anyone just do your research on what type of problem and find a solution that works for you. Be open with your partner and stay away from porn it blackens your world and infects all parts of your life

21

i hope this don't sound offencive my ex use to poke and make fun of me for i too suffer from this and ive had it for awhile now my ex use to order me to get it sorted so i went to the quacks and had a check up which i was given viagra no response i tried two other types of viagra again no response we ended up going our own ways i am sick of not getting hard for women and was caught with it in one hand and a blade in the other due to this i'm slowly going off sex and being horny 24/7 doesn't help either

i hope you get it sorted best of luck

22

If you have a sympathetic GP, go and see him or her. Your husband won't be the first person, even this week, to ask for help with ED. Often the long standing physical problem can be compounded by the anxiety and anticipation that build up, and more often than not, both sides of the problem need to be addressed.

23

While my ED is intermittent and, I'm sure, mainly psychologically (i.e stress) induced I think doing regular pelvic floor exercises has been a major factor in overcoming the problem. I think ED becomes more likely as your 'hardware' becomes less effective (due to blood-pressure issues, pelvic floor weakening etc) and so we need to be more turned on to achieve a useful erection. However, familiarity with your partner and what you usually do is likely to make this less as we get older. The pelvic floor exercises seem to make my erections firmer and more sensitive for a given level of arousal and so I have greater confidence that it's going to be hard enough and persistent enough for me to satisfy my wife.

I'm sure masturbating to porn is likely to get you into the habit of fantasizing about a kind of sex you probably won't be getting rather than anticipating what you will be getting and dulls your arousal which can't help. Conversely, contemplating new things you can do with your partner (the kind of ideas that we get from this forum for example) creates fresh anticipation which must be good.

Reducing the performance pressure by making sure you have other ways to satisfy your partner (whatever she likes - vibrator, strapon etc) so you don't get into a long-winded attempt to breath life back into a failed erection (which only goes to underline the failure and make it more likely you will dwell on the problem next time) has certainly helped me as well.