HELP - IN TURMOIL AND DESPAIR

Just found out (NOW EX) - Mr S has been cheating on me with a tranny. Can't get my head around this at all.

Any advice..............

What, a radio??!!

Sorry. Do we take this to mean a transexual? Do they have surgically created lady parts, or still retain their male genitals?

Either way, must be one hell of a shock to the system. Mrs.N and I have chewed this one over a bit (probably what you'd like to do to Mr. S's tackle) and feel it important that you don't harbour any feelings of failure due to the revelation. This is not your problem, and you probably could not have done anything about it anyway. It is unlikely that he woke up one day and decided he felt attracted to trannies. This is something he surely has harboured and kept to himself for some time, and as the perceived need has increased over time he has finally decided to realise his fantasy in real life.

In a situation like this, where a man secretly harbours a deep desire for, for example prostitutes, children, domination or indeed a tranny, your position or role in the situation is really irrelevant to them once they have decided to make that desire a reality.

You are bound to have feelings like, what have I done wrong; wasn't I good enough etc, but in reality you were never in the game, and as a result should not have any feelings of failure or lack of self worth. Anger yes, would be a normal reaction, and perhaps you need that to exorcise your inner feelings; but ultimately anger is a destructive emotion and acceptance would allow you to cut loose earlier from the hurt and get on with your life.

Caving his head in with a claw hammer may also make you feel a little better!

Sound advice from Mr N its not you thats to blame in any way and I doubt you could have changed what has happened and he probably always had a taste for transexuals I would if I were you think of the situation as if it were just another woman and leave the bastard asap .

Find a new man who will love you for who you are, there are plenty of good faithful men who would jump at a chance of a relationship with a mature open minded person like you .

Thanks guys and gals. I admit to having all of the above feelings at one point or another but my personal favourite and the one that keeps coming back frequently involves his head and the claw hammer.

I'l live, onwards and upwards! His loss.

And to answer Mr N's question about 'bits'. I meant transvestite not transexual so this particular one w'ere talking about has all his male bits intact. Ugh, I feel sick again.

Hi Truly

Very sorry to hear about all this. I know you're feeling low and alone, but remember, you will get through this and I bet you'll look back on this time and think it wasn't as hard as you first feared it might be. I think you may find in future that it makes you stronger and was just the first step towards a more satisfying and complete life. Come back to this thread in six months and re-read what I just typed. I'm willing to bet an item on your wish list against an item on mine that in six months time you're glad this happened so you could move on to find someone that deserved you.

*hugs*

Oh, what a bastard. He clearly isn't worthy of your time or love Truly. Regardless of who he's been cheating with, he's shown himself up and you should rise above it. Go shopping, break something that you won't regret and treat yourself better than he ever could. Oh, and keep checking out the naughtiness here! I do hope you feel better soon.xxx

Oh you are all very sweet, thank you.

On the plus side I've made sure I kept the Mulberry and the Mercedes! Not even a tranny was going to wrench those from me.

And I hope you remembered to cut the arms of his suits

Just a tip Truly. When you choose a hammer, make sure it's got a rubber handle, so when the blood really starts to spurt you won't lose your grip.

Mr & Mrs Naughty wrote:

Just a tip Truly. When you choose a hammer, make sure it's got a rubber handle, so when the blood really starts to spurt you won't lose your grip.

I may live in Cheshire now but I'm a true born Glaswegian. No tips necessary.

He won't need his suits after I've applied the hammer.

*Disclaimer and to protect myself from prosecution*

If Mr S is ever found with a claw hammer in his head. THEY made me do it!

BBG wrote:

Hi Truly

Very sorry to hear about all this. I know you're feeling low and alone, but remember, you will get through this and I bet you'll look back on this time and think it wasn't as hard as you first feared it might be. I think you may find in future that it makes you stronger and was just the first step towards a more satisfying and complete life. Come back to this thread in six months and re-read what I just typed. I'm willing to bet an item on your wish list against an item on mine that in six months time you're glad this happened so you could move on to find someone that deserved you.

*hugs*

Big hugs to you too. thanks. X

I do feel, well I don't really at the moment know how I feel. I range from hurt, anger, disbelief to just sheer....

I don't understand how I didn't know.

Got it now. Sheer Stupidity, how couldn't I not have spotted it before.

I trusted him 100%

Yep - been there myself Truly. There's nothing that you can do in a relationship about the trust you grant someone. It is not your responsibility how the other person treats that trust - if they abuse it then it's their fault, not yours. You were the stronger person for giving it in the first place, and they were weak for breaking it. You are the same strong person today that you were before you discovered the issue. And you will be the same strong person in future when you grant your trust to someone else. Maybe they'll honour that trust, maybe they wont - life goes on and it has no guarantees.

Whatever the case, how someone else uses or abuses your trust is entirely their failing, not yours. You are the bigger person for giving it in the first place. Be proud of yourself, feel pity for your ex for being so weak, and move serenely on with your head held high.

it can help if you go into a new relationship having a pre-condition that whatever the issue, you'll both agree to discuss it rather than hide it. Have that conversation right up front - no matter what, you will always be open and honest with each other, and discuss any new needs or desires, even if they might potentially be painful or embarasing.

Hope that makes sense Truly.

Truly Scrumptious wrote:

Oh you are all very sweet, thank you.

On the plus side I've made sure I kept the Mulberry and the Mercedes! Not even a tranny was going to wrench those from me.

Good job - some of those trannys are stronger than they look.

Seriously though, how awful for you - the betrayal of trust more than anything else is heartbreaking. I understand totally how when something like this happens you're left feeling foolish, but there's nothing foolish about trusting someone you love. I hope everything works out ok.

I'm glad I joined OA. Thank you all for your support. It hasn't made me any stronger as he was burnt toast the minute I found out anyway but it has given me the strength to go out there and try again. God, that will be hard. I don't want to turn into a bunny-boiling stalker though with any future men.

Starting afresh is the hard thing, I don't even trust myself these days.

I've found out since that this is nothing new. He's been shagging blokes in frocks before, since and throughout our relationship. I think I'm more angry with myself for being such a fool. Three and a half years. How did I not know? Surely there must have been something I missed?

Yup, the hammer is definitely the route to take.

Mr & Mrs Naughty wrote:

Yup, the hammer is definitely the route to take.

I'm going to tell this to the Judge at my trial. Hopefully it will just be community service and a small fine then.