Help: OH’s Fantasies

Hey everyone ![smiley|20x20](upload://ez5kOkpKXRZOxjavAURYmQxVTau.gif "smiley")

My partner and I are very open regarding what we want in our relationship and our sex life which is great. I have shared all of my fantasies with him and he's always said yes and been happy to try the new things I suggest, which is amazing.

However my OH has very different fantasies to me that involve other people, which I'm not too comfortable with (yet anyway).

His biggest fantasy is to have a threesome MFM. He talks about it a lot, and I can see how much he wants it. However, I'm not too hot about it, I am not completely closed to the idea, but it's just way too soon for me and I also have a lot of questions in my head (How would we find a third person? How is it going to happen? Who will initiate it? etc...).

He is also into cuckolding and wants me to engage with other people, so I can send him videos of me with another man and/or tell him all about it when I get home. But I just couldn't see myself doing it, for me it's like cheating, he would say it's not, but I just couldn't do it, it goes against my values.

When I told him I wasn’t too keen he told me he felt quite empty because I had just shut down his biggest fantasies. I felt terrible, I still do.

I can't stress how amazing he is enough, he is literally a dream, I think most girls would die to have a SO like him. And I feel terrible because he has said yes to all my kinks and fantasies. Whereas, I, on the other hand, have said no (or "maybe in the future") to the only two fantasies he has and I know how disappointed he is and how bad he wants these to happen (he literally talks about it all the time).

I am happy to do anything with him when it's just the two of us, literally anything, it's just these two fantasies I can't get my head around and it kills me that I can't give him what he wants. I'm scared he's going to get bored of our sex life or think that I never do anything for him or not enough, and worse, lose interest, think I'm boring and find someone else.

Has anyone ever had a similar situation? How did you deal with it? What would you suggest to do? Would you just do it anyway to please them?

Thank you!!!!!

Hunnie. My only advice I can give is if you feel uncomfortable in any way about this then don't. It will be a one way Road to disaster. He may think he wants it but what will he think of you after especially if you enjoy. Etc etc. So many things attached to this and all negative if one of you are not happy. Talk to him and try to keep it as fantasy and roleplay. Only my opinion. Good luck my love xx💋❤

Img I could've written this myself as I'm going through exactly the same. I'll do anything sexually with him but this just is so alien to me. I can't imagine seeing him with another woman so it makes me feel insecure that he would want me to be with another man. I know why he wants it as he has rejection issues from childhood and part of cuckholding is the feeling when your woman comes back to you. As you say so many questions and things that could go wrong. My partner has performance issues and I also think this is his way of making sure I am fully satisfied. I have a feeling if I trusted the other man I could go through with it but not 100% sure

Hi Rose,

Dont feel pressured into going along with anything you're not 100% sure of . He may be a wonderful guy in other respects but saying that you've shut down his fantasies and he feels empty is quite a selfish and hurtful thing to say to you.

Your have your values, stick to them. You can't force yourself to be interested in something that you're not, neither should you have to. If you're worried about him finding you boring and leaving you over this then I can only say that if that was to happen then you've had a narrow escape from a shallow person.Just because he's gone along with your kinks doesn't automatically entitle him to expect you to go along with his, especially when it involves other people coming into your sex life.

I'm not anti cuckold and personally I'd love a MFM threesome but my OH wouldn't be into this so it just has to stay as a fantasy for me and I'm ok with that, that's life , we don't always get what we want . Please don't feel bad about not fullfilling his fantasies, surely he's got a few more tucked away that you'd be happy to indulge in? Also him talking about it all the time isn't great, it sounds like he's trying to wear you down to the point where you give in to keep him happy .

If it were me I'd have a talk with him and spell it out that I didn't want to do it, maybe because you said ' maybe in the future' that he thinks there's still a chance but if that's not the case then you need to put him straight. Surely he's got enough respect for you to accept it and stop going on about it.

There's alway roleplay and toys to simulate a MFM maybe you'd feel more comfortable with that?

Good luck .

1 Like

Hello and welcome 🙂

Don't do anything you're not sure about just to please him. Involving extra people in a relationship is a hard no for a lot of people, and the top advice from those that do is that both partners need to be 100% sure it's something they want to do.

While you're still unsure you could ramp up the idea in fantasy play? Fake dates, second phone to text yourself messages from 'the other guy' (maybe even rip some big dick pics from the web to send too), tell him all the details of what you got up to, etc. Ask him what sort of things would he like to hear and incorporate them into the scenario too.

Don't feel pressured to do anything just to return a favour, it's not a horse trade. 👍

Hope this helps. 🙂

If he's really into cuckolding he could always watch use some realistic dildos on yourself. It worked for my best mate and his wife.

Don't even think about going down this road if you've got even the slightest doubts or misgivings. My wife and I have a very varied and enjoyable sex life but she has definite boundaries and I'm more than happy to operate within them. Any fantasise I may have which stray outside these boundaries will remain purely as fantasies. Your partner has no right to make you feel guilty about not wanting to comply with anything with which you feel uncomfortable.

1 Like

Agree with other posters definitely if you dont feel comfortable,bring in a 3rd person is always a tricky fantasy to come true. If you go ahead with it, will he ask for more of it? Or it is a once off?

How about something like this?

https://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=22601

If he fantasizes about being submissive to your sexual desires, there are ways you can engage in this without introducing an actual third party like a chastity cage for him whilst you pleasure yourself with whatever toy takes your fancy. You can make sure he knows just how much of a good job the toy is doing without offering him relief.

Does he want the other m in the mmf to be just for you or does he want to explore sex with another man? Strap ons / pegging can be a good middle ground if thats what he is after.

If it is just the idea of 2 penises, then the toy MaD_Couple linked to would be good, or really any other dildo of choice which will enable you to engage in a faux threesome (spit roast, dp, etc) without the actual third person there.

There may be ways to connect with other couples / singles over webchat to engage in sexy play as a bit of a middle ground to actually introducing a third person (think of it as dipping your toes into shared sex, could be an indicator whether or not you want to go further).

Whatever route you take though, find out what he wants to get out of it and work from there. If you do it just to please him, resentment may grow and become a wedge between you.

1 Like

Hi, Rose.Sull

Firstly NEVER do something your not completely happy with! Secondly, not all fantasies should be made real, some things are better left as fantasies. Imagine your disappointment if seeking you with another man wasn't as exciting for him as the fantasy.

Sorry I'm brief and to the point, but I hope you see what I'm saying.

1 Like

I would also be the same in this situation but last night I was looking into tantric massages - have you had a look into these? They are 100% professional and looking at the reviews, it looks quite fun to do with your significant other 😊

The fact that he is going on about it quite a lot sounds like he’s trying to wear you down. Dont let him. Is you are uncomfortable draw your lines for him. Alternatively suggest role play where you go out with friends and when you get home you tell him a sexy story about your alternative adventure with another guy. There is also suction cup dildos which can be used to simulate a threesome. So some ideas where you can help him with his fantasy without breaching your boundaries. Good luck.

Rose.Sull wrote:

His biggest fantasy is to have a threesome MFM. He talks about it a lot, and I can see how much he wants it. However, I'm not too hot about it, I am not completely closed to the idea, but it's just way too soon for me and I also have a lot of questions in my head (How would we find a third person? How is it going to happen? Who will initiate it? etc...).

He is also into cuckolding and wants me to engage with other people, so I can send him videos of me with another man and/or tell him all about it when I get home. But I just couldn't see myself doing it, for me it's like cheating, he would say it's not, but I just couldn't do it, it goes against my values.

When I told him I wasn’t too keen he told me he felt quite empty because I had just shut down his biggest fantasies. I felt terrible, I still do.

This all raises big alarm bells for me. Please don't go along with something you are not comfortable with, and please don't give in to any emotional blackmail.

My first thought is: run for the hills. This may not be a healthy relationship. What makes him as great as you say his is?

If you decide to stay, then others have given excellent advice, but mostly around accommodating his fantasies. If you don't share them, move on, because this situation will go on and on and there will be someone out there who you might be better suited to.

@Rose.Sull: I've just had a peek at your profile, and feel a bit concerned still that you might be trying to fulfil someone else's desires. If you enjoy it all too, then fine. But there is nothing wrong with a more 'vanilla' relationship - 2 people who enjoy each other without being into BDSM, fake dates, dildos to act out a threesome etc. I'm not into any of that, and have a great sex life and loving relationship with my OH. BDSM isn't obligatory. Maybe take a long term view - would you be happier with a different sort of relationship, in the future? Sorry if I am speaking out of turn. And good luck.

Thank you everyone for your replies!

I showed the thread to my OH and he read all your replies which were really helpful! We discussed his fantasies, the thread and your comments! He's totally fine with me not wanting it. He knows how crazy his fantasy is and he realised that because it was his main fantasy he didn't think of any other fantasies that we could fulfill and therefore that was why he was so focused on it. He didn't actually realise it made me feel this way (maybe because I also hadn't been very communicative), so him reading this thread was great.

He's now put the threesome and cuckolding fantasy aside and has started to discover new fantasies which we are able to fulfill and that we both enjoy!

Please don't worry our relationship is very healthy! I think I just had to make myself clearer and say I didn't want it straight up, instead of stressing and saying "maybe". He is totally OK with that and apologized for making me feel this way. He said he would NEVER want me to do something I didn't want, that made me feel uncomfortable and unhappy. He would be upset if I did it just for the sake of it or to make him happy, and I should never feel guilty about not wanting the same things as him. Relationships are 50/50 and we both need to be fully committed before doing something. He loves me to bits and me saying no to his fantasy, doesn't change in any way what he thinks of me, our relationship or our sex life, it only means his fantasy will have to stay one.

Thank you all so much! ![](upload://ez5kOkpKXRZOxjavAURYmQxVTau.gif)

2 Likes

Glad you sorted it! 👍

Hey Rose, pleased to hear that it has all been sorted :)

I wouldn't want to share wife, but having fun with me, OH and this as suggested like others above. https://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=38286

Thank you! We already have that one 😉