So as a wonderful relationship as I have, I have some pretty dark days, today is one,
My wife left school at 16 and had some pretty fun days, pretty muched fcked every guy she met whilst I was studying, she got pregnant, lived with a bunch of guys etc.. Then we re-met at 19, date and got married. I LOVE HER!. But, tha past is catching up a little, contacting on facebook etc by ex's, it is really doing my head in.
To clarify, I am not physically jealous, we play with others, it's fun, it's the lack of emotional continuity that i am having a hard time with. She's blissfully happy snoring on the sofa with here choices, whllst I am still working my balls of to pay fo everyting for mine. Having a really crappy fay and feeling very negative that a bunch of guys have fucked my wife better than I ever will yet I work 50 hours a week so then can..
I know I sound like a cunt, I think I am one too.
I hate negative days.
feels and sounds to me is that your resentful.
So your wife had a good time..? what I am going to put across here is...
Who are you truly angry at...her or yourself?
You need to work on your self esteem, your wife has done nothing worng as you were not together at the time when she had the releationships, `you play with others` means its an open relationship, seems there are a few pieces missing in regards to foundations, and healthy contracts made between the both of you
This is when a relationships begins to fail because there is no mutual agreement and reassurance etc
You are correct on pretty much every level, I AM resentful, and I am probably angry at myself.I thought I was making the right decisions at the time, I regret them now I am having a really horrible day
Break the patterns.
Communicate, but do it nicely and with as much compassion as possible, rather than anger. its your choice in where you wish to take this AT..your not wrong in wanting something new or different etc
Thanks SF, there is nothing wrong at the moment, I feel like I am picking at scabs most days.
I LOVE my wife. But I keep making me unhapy lately.
This is going to sound like a completely off the wall comment, but have you tried meditation? Just 10 minutes a day can help centre you, it can help increase your self-esteem and make you more focused on you.
I know that most people see it as some real hippie thing, but it can really help. There are some free apps if you have a smart phone, and it only takes a tiny portion of your day for some potentially big results.
I also agree with everything SF has said above. It'll be difficult to communicate how you're feeling, but it's essential for your own personal growth and happiness.
Best of luck!
If you don't feel comfortable with her being in contact with past exes, TELL HER. I wouldn't be comfortable with my OH being in contact with other girls he'd been physically and emotionally intimate with, because of the possibility he's thinking back fondly on memories of things they did or how he used to feel for them when they talk.
Talking is the key here, Let her know you're feeling hurt upset even angry emotions are part of everyday life it's when we hide them the problems start.
Just because she left school at 16 doesn't mean she cannot do a part time course to further her skills in life and get her out of the house, maybe even a part time job if that is what she wants.
Theres nothing worse than getting stuck in a rut feeling like the worlds hating on you and you want to scream out at it.
I agree with everyone else, and I would also suggest taking some time to think about what it is you really want. Sure, it's clear that you love her, but it sounds to me like this open relationship you have is more her thing than yours....something to think about perhaps.
First off, can I just say that it's a brave post to make and that everyone here is available should and when you want to rant or vent.
I think you need to speak to a professional. I don't want to offend you but your post reads, to me at least, like you're having some personal problems which are manifesting themselves into relationship anxieties. I could well be wrong . I'm no expert. But it might be something worth considering.
Having had some minor problems with depression, I know it can be difficult to make the first move and going to see your GP, but the proportion of us who do need a helping hand at some point is staggering. It's a rare person who doesn't need some help at any stage in their life.
Chin up, man. Virtual hugs,
I really feel for you. I have had and do still have these kinds of days. Where the negativity and niggling thoughts that upset just will not back off and it's awful. Mine too manifest themselves in a jealous way quite often, and some days it is unbearable.
I don't always take my own advice, but I do think you need to talk to your wife. As others have said, it doesn't sound like your situation is working for you as well as it may be for her. I agree with DreamOfTheEndless as well, that maybe a trip to the GP for you personally wouldn't do any harm. I went to my GP at the end of last yearm because these days were more frequent than I could cope with. She was very helpful and just having reached out to someone was a huge relief.
Does your wife know anything about how you feel? Or do you just pretend its all okay? That is what I tend to do, but in reality it gets you nowhere except further into the cluthces of negativity.
meditaton does work. and it does not mean you need to sit lotus style in silence to meditate either. reading a book in relative quiet, undisturbed, going out into the country side these two are forms of meditation.
this may not be about your wife but you personally, please be gentle on your self, in which ever path you choose to walk. be it seeking professional help, meditation or working at better communication
Past is HER past, not yours but you need to talk. Boiling up resentment will cause arguments.
Maybe it's a lack of confidence on your part or you need to find something you like doing as a hobby?