Hi,
So my sex drive always has been a lot higher then the OH’s. For a long time now I’ve always found myself being the one having to initiate us having sex. So I’ve decided I’m not going to try initiating for a while and her in a position of having to work for it. I’m finding it so hard though as I’m just so horny plus i just find her so sexy 
Hi @Mr_Mrs_GJT
I wouldn’t bother playing this game. You might have a different experience but generally it’s a good way to start creating resentments.
I have heard various sex therapists and coaches explain that many women love sex, but generally never initiate it.
Susan Bratton is a famous sex coach, and she said even for her, it’s always her husband who initiates.
I used to try waiting for my wife but it never happened.
What made the difference was communication and therapy.
Our sex lives improved 100% and we have a whole new approach, kink and sensuality.
My wife learned a lot about what she wants, and we are very centered around her pleasure.
That’s the source of the magic for us.
Funnily enough, when I said to her that I had heard on a podcast that most women don’t initiate sex, she smiled. Since then though, she initiates sex quite a lot!
I think it took away a pressure.
On the LH forum there are lots of enlightened ladies, who aren’t in the above camp, but it might just be that your OH is like mine, and many others, and we just have to learn their needs.
Therapy opened up a whole new world for us though.
Good luck with the adventure 
Hiya @Mr_Mrs_GJT I personally wouldn’t go down that road. From my point of view, it made me feel frustrated, I wondered why he had hadn’t taken an interest in me. Why he hadn’t wanted me for a day/week/month/year. I felt all sorts of emotions and feelings. From thinking I was ugly/fat to worthless. Initiate and enjoy, your OH might like you taking control , she might think if it ain’t broke don’t fix it. Just don’t let her feel there’s an issue 
I agree with @Amunique
She may think you’re getting it elsewhere…and the sudden change in you not wanting her could plant lots of scenarios in her mind…also it could end up in you resenting her for not approaching you and open a big can of worms.
I would say talk talk and talk more when you both have the time for a conversation…and not in the bedroom.
Good Luck
This could end up in a Mexican stand-off, with neither one of you making the first move and make things worse not better.
I’ve tried that in the past and it just builds resentment on both sides. Don’t do it. Talking it through is a much better solution.
@Mr_Mrs_GJT sounds like a dangerous game as already said you should discuss this with the OH and scrap this plan ! 
Im rubbish at starting sex , even if im really wanting it . Basically im scared he is going to say “not tonight” which he couldnt believe and said he would never say no . Talking is probably better than game playing , you shouldnt really have to make your partner work for it , it might make her decide not to bother.
I’m going to agree with a lot of the comments here. I have a higher sex drive than my partner (and we’ve discussed this in more detail recently and we have a much greater understanding of each others needs) but in the past; I would always initiate and then if I went ahead and decided to not initiate… well then things wouldn’t happen. It’s not because he doesn’t want to; there are lots of things going on in the background that just means he’s not wired to think that way. But since we’ve had a very frank and open discussion about it; we are in a much better place and after being together for 18 years this year; I think our sex life is better than it’s ever been. It’s an age-old trope but COMMUNICATION is important! Don’t let things build up because it can lead to resentment, misunderstandings and then it’s all just so much worse.
I have a real hard timr initiating sex, even of om horny as heck…its a confidence thing for me, im terrified even after 13years he’ll reject me… We’ve been through dry spells where he doesnt initiate and ultimately it leads to us both feeling all sorts of nasty feelings, feeling rejected, resentment, questions of whats wrong with me is it coz im fat, ugly ect or is he cheating…
Its a dangerous game to play on all honesty, communication is key, talk, ask of theres a reason she doesnt/cant initiate it,. Once me and hubs actually talked (he is awful with communication and takes a bust up before he finally speaks up) but once we talked and he understood WHY ,it became less of an issue. He did tell me that he’d die on the spot if i did finally initiate something 
but i explained its not that i dont want to its just that niggle holds me back, maybe one day
Makes me wanna go awww reading your post 
I think it’s beautiful how you find it hard to keep hands off your wife, very romantic and will be interesting to see if she gets a heightened sex drive by having you play hard to get lol
Thanks for all the replies, we do talk about it a lot and she always says it makes her feel cringe starting it. The plan was never to make her feel unwanted etc but thanks for all the comments.
Good luck with that. I’m in the same boat and usually am the first one to cave in on the hold out.
Good luck. I’m probably 3 or 4 levels up for it over my wife. I’m always up for it every day. She says she’s always up for it and we could try the some form of sex every day for a month challenge but we never get around to it. I think she’s happy with every other day or every 3-4 days but I would prefer at least every other day but I don’t chase or press too much now and just go solo by myself with some good porn and toys!
@our-adventure-bed i have found the same! Love the fact I got onto mental health meds to support me, as I now have a much fuller and satisfying sex life after the desert of the last several years. I actually rarely initiated sex but i do now about 99% of the time and I love it. Plus my therapist is really good to talk with about all of this.
Played that game before and lost. Better off telling her you think shes sexy and your hot for her that change your normal behavior i.e initiating things as your more likely to give the impression of your gone off her than “come here and get it”.
Talk, do little things that turn her on, ask her to give you subtle signs when she wants you. You might be able to build that to something more direct from her in time.
I don’t see any point in holding out. In my relationships, I suspect I’m the higher drive partner. I’m always initiating, whining for it, and generally acting pitiful to get what I need. I suspect holding out would get me the opposite of what I want.
I liked this comment…over the last while, MrsIwill has had little interest and definitely hasnt been initiating sex.
Ive tried the cold approach in the past when there have been similar periods . " like i could care less " attitude and it did nothing to help.
Ive definitely found communication is by far the best approach… i told my wife that men do need to feel desired as well.
As a man , ive felt that im old and unattractive to my wife at times ( ok im hardly a young stud any more) .
I like to talk things through and just explained how i felt. I wanted to know exactly how she felt.
Id do anything for her and go to any length to make her happy , in all aspects of life including sexually.
My wife just said at her age ( mid 50’s) sometimes her sex drive bottomed out , but was nothing to do with me.
We both agreed that feeling sexy and being in the mood for sex was a state of mind . If it wasnt happening on its own it had to be strived for.
For me sex isnt just the physical enjoyment, but more the intimate connection it produces.
All id recommend to anyone , is to talk talk talk. Explain everything and leave nothing out. Never be accusing and make it clear it is meant to achieve the best possible results for every area of your relationship.
Good Sex is the mortar that holds the bricks of a relationship together… its not the only aspect , but it is a very important one.
Ah @Iwill I can relate to your wife. The cold approach definitely doesn’t help, if anything it makes matters worse and raises a lot of questions and self doubt on both sides. Of course men need to be desired too, any relationship has got to work both ways, or it ends up at a very difficult standstill. I know exactly why it would make you feel that way. Like you’re searching for a sign anywhere and everywhere, doing all sorts to your mind. It really is an important part of any relationship, and it is the closeness, the bond of sheer intimacy that sums it up. Your wife is still young and hopefully these phases won’t last too long or come around too often but you best hold on to your hat when she reaches her 60’s
@Amunique … thanks for your response…ill make sure i keep in training to keep my fitness up .