Hi. Ok so hubby and I have been together 7 years, when we have sex it's good, we try different positions but I can only really orgasm through missionary and me on top, I'm getting a little bored and would like to introduce a little bit of kink. The thing is his ex preferred her big dildo over sex with him (although hes not small) and its left him a bit insecure. We have toys, a stoker, anal beads, vibrators but nothing big, blindfold and restraints and I'd really like to get some regular use out of them but when it comes to sex we just sort of naturally go along the same routine. I want to get him to loosen up a bit and try some things without it seeming like I need the extras to get off. I hope that makes sense. Thanks ❤
Talking when you both have time and aren’t horny is normally the best way.
How would he respond to a sex guide? Lovehoney have recently bought out some pocket guides to different things, most of which are on the 3 for £15 deal (although the position guide isn’t which is a shame), alternatively what about a game? That way, it’s more about things you can do together rather than a prop that he might feel is there to replace him?
The other option is to put him in the receiving position. You restrain and blindfold him and do different things to him, mix up using toys and your own body. Might help him realise that toys etc are fun and great to use but don’t replace a partner.
I recently had a similar talk with my parter. Like Kelly said, talk about stuff when you’re not in the bedroom or not already horny and worked up. But overall it’s about being 100% comfortable. You can sit down and make suggestions and tell him why you want to add things to the bedroom and if he would consider trying it out with you. If he flat out says no or there is some hesitation there, then leave it alone. I recently asked my partner to start spanking me, even though I told him that thought of him doing it turns me on, he won’t and not his thing, so I left it alone and didn’t ask anymore.
I'm not sure he wouldn't feel a bit patronised by a guide but I'll have a look :) I had an idea that I'd like to try, I bought a headmaster blowjob stroker so I thought I would blindfold him and tie his hands up so he can't control pace or anything (he tends to thrust into my mouth when hes getting close) and I'd stop every time he started doing that, hoping for some sort of edging technique. And use the stroker on the shaft and my mouth on the tip and balls and hopefully get him off that way. I've tried talking to him when hes not horny and he just changes the subject 🙄kelly_michelle wrote:
Talking when you both have time and aren’t horny is normally the best way.
How would he respond to a sex guide? Lovehoney have recently bought out some pocket guides to different things, most of which are on the 3 for £15 deal (although the position guide isn’t which is a shame), alternatively what about a game? That way, it’s more about things you can do together rather than a prop that he might feel is there to replace him?
The other option is to put him in the receiving position. You restrain and blindfold him and do different things to him, mix up using toys and your own body. Might help him realise that toys etc are fun and great to use but don’t replace a partner.
If he’s changes the subject, then he’s clearly not comfortable discussing it.
I think it's more because he doesn't feel in the right mood to talk about it. Hes more open about it when he is horny. Sex talk wouldn't turn me on if I wasn't in the right mindset.EmmaC1989 wrote:
If he’s changes the subject, then he’s clearly not comfortable discussing it.
I agree with talking about it when not horny . My wife is somewhat conservative about sex . But much to my surprise after 7 years of being married we had been to a party where she drank quite a little . Back at the hotel we had had sex and I was licking her pussy clean and out of the blue a finger slid up my bum . Turns out she wanted to penetrate me for years but was to shy and worried I would think she was crazy . Well that led to our first butt plugs and shortly after a harness .
It‘s sometimes tricky to open up about our most intimate desires.
Once you know more about each other‘s turn-ons, it‘s easier to feel happy, safe, and comfortable straying from the more routine, vanilla path
The game changer for my wife and I has been to quiz each other in detail about what we‘re up for trying, what really turns us on, what‘s a turn-off, and how to switch things up, slow things down or stop when we‘re not feeling it.
We set each other a BDSM quiz to find out the boundaries & had fun doing it too! There‘s plenty online if you search for BDSM quiz or BDSM contract.
Honest answers give the best results. There’s no need for either of you to do anything you really don‘t like or you‘re not sure about (unless that‘s a part of your kink, of course) and both of you can change your mind at any moment. But the point is that respecting and nurturing each other’s desires and kinks is easier, safer, and less stressful if you have an idea of where the boundaries are, and what’s really hot, and what’s not
The process is ongoing. People change over time, of course. So we‘ve kept communicating on this. Away from the bedroom, of course.
Hope it might work for you too! ;D
Communication and perhaps looking at the Lovehoney website together, not subtle but it would allow you to broach the subject of what you would like to try. If your OH is unresponsive or changes the subject then it sounds like a non-starter for now. Good luck.
Ask him to pick out 3 porn clips that really turn him on that he’d like to try and then pick 3 yourself…