So I have been in a relationship with a girl for roughly a year now and I have a very high sex drive. We are both in our mid twenties but I am only her second.
We were living a long way apart for a few months due to a job change so we were talking and apparently I made her feel confident enough to buy a toy.
I suppose I just assumed every girl had some sort of toy and we all know everyone masturbates so didn’t think much of it but was surprised she was only just finding her feet sexually.
Well anyone since we are back in similar places she has stopped using her toy and stopped mastubating.
I love sex but also love solo, it’s just a different experience.
I just feel bad playing with myself when she says she never does it.
I love the girl so so much and she is fantastic and this isn’t an issue I think but I do just feel bad always playing when she doesn’t.
HELP!
Am I being over dramatic and it isn’t anything or do I need to be more upfront about my solo habits?
I think toys are great to use as part of couple’s play, so if she’s open to the idea you can start using them together. She may then feel more comfortable using them alone, but if she’s happy not bothering and only playing together than that’s okay too.
People often have higher/lower drives, and toys and masturbation are a great way of dealing with the mismatch. And if she doesn’t mind you playing alone inbetween, then I don’t see a problem.
You could make some suggestions about bringing toys into the bedroom and see if she’s interested. She might be perfectly happy with things the way things are though and was only interested in using her toy when the two of you were apart to satisfy a need. Now you’re both together again it seems she obviously feels like she has all her sexual needs met by you.
Some people simply don’t feel the need to masturbate but you shouldn’t feel guilty about enjoying your solo pleasure because of that
Definitely no need to feel guilty! I should probably follow my own advice though I have a higher sex drive than my OH so often use toys to bridge the gap. I always used to do this when my OH was out but now, because of lockdown, that’s not an option. I’ve had to learn to be more open about it which has probably been a good thing.
I would try to be very open with her about when and why you have solo play time. I’ve found it helps with the guilty feeling that my OH knows what I’m doing and why. He’s happy with me doing it and doesn’t mind at all. It’s always best to be open about your needs in a relationship.
If your OH isn’t using her toy for solo play any more then it is probably just because you are meeting all her needs and she would prefer to spend her time with you. It’s worth reminding her that you are very happy for her to use it just in case she feels embarrassed about it, but most likely she doesn’t feel the need. Not everyone masturbates, especially if they are already getting enough with their partner.
I enjoy using toys with my OH too. Have a conversation with her to see if she would like you to use her toy with her. She might not be interested though - if she feels that you are already fulfilling all her needs and she prefers what you already do compared to what a toy could do then she might not feel the need to use them. If you would particularly like to try incorporating them into sex then ask her if she would like to try and tell her that you would find it sexy.
She may then feel more comfortable using them alone, but if she’s happy not bothering and only playing together than that’s okay too.
I have a higher sex drive than my OH so often use toys to bridge the gap. I always used to do this when my OH was out but now, because of lockdown, that’s not an option. I’ve had to learn to be more open about it which has probably been a good thing.