How do I explain my sexual experience, well here goes. This has never been shared with anyone, and after turning 30 I just want to get it out there.So I had never been able to pleasure myself. Just put my hand on my cock you say? Nope, I've tried many times in the past. It never works. As a partial result of the above in my teens I experimented with urethral play, as well as self inflicting pain. Enjoyable, but never led to orgasm or ejaculation. I've always been single, and never attempted to hook up or sleep around. In a spur of the moment to lose my virginity I made a booty call once when I was 18 to an old college friend and in that one and only time I had ED and couldn't get erect for a week. Felt miserable at the time and nothing happened. In hindsight if I communicated how I felt it may have ended differently. Nothing much happens afterward.
Fast forward to three/four years ago. Decided I'd see if toys could help me. Tried going back to urethral play with some proper equipment. Again enjoyable, but didn't work.
Two years ago I see an advert for Lovehoney one evening. Start buying anal toys after reading about prostate stimulation. Very pleasurable when done right, but still no orgasm or ejaculation. Thinking I have a sensitivity issue I try Estim. Have a go many times and find it extremely pleasurable and actually ejaculate one time. Doesn't happen again. Try anal stretching, because why not. Again pleasurable but no end result. Two months ago splash out on new Estim. Hit and miss results initially, but recently get more results. I'm trying not to pleasure myself too often, because, well electricity, and have 50-60% success, however these sessions can still take two-three hours to finally ejaculate. Last one I ramped up the juice a little and took a little over an hour. So I am kind of happy about that.
However, I can't help but have concerns about my overall sexual health after this recent victory. Could it be I'm not that sensitive on the surface of my cock, and is that the result of my dash with pain in my teen years. Could I be naturally less sensitive. Even if not, how could potential partners feel if I either suffer from ED or I can't be pleasured enough to maintain an erection or finish in someone. Is my only way of pleasuring myself and finishing with the use of Estim. If so am I also reinforcing that dependence if I don't experience sex til much later. Finally, have I become so accustomed to not expecting/searching out sex that I have irreversibly ended up here, where sex may never result in anything due to any/all of the above anyway and that it is now a deep rooted psychological issue. In summary, am I physically broken, mentally broken, or both. That worries me. And would a partner be understanding of that.