Well this has been nicked from a Tracey Cox bit in the news of the world (yes trashy I know but its a habit from when I lived at my parents and to be totally honest I dont read that much of it, may have just talked myself out of buying it in the future hmmm) where she says that while it is possible to fake feelings when you are awake you cant fake anything when you're asleep. She goes on to say that some experts belive that the way you sleep together can reveal lots about your relationship together.
Examples include
Lusty spoon: snuggled close from behind with your legs thrown over each other ... your sex life is in very good shape.
Honeymoon: a full-length whole body hug, facing each other whit every part touching ... a desire to connect on all levels ,a need for reassurance and total commitment to each other.
Leg hug: lying on your backs but legs entwined, a favourite with long-term independent couples ... a balanced relationship, your upper bodies separate, allowing you your own space, but the closeness is still there.
Bottom to bottom: You're both facing away but your bottoms touch ... the relationship is in good shape, you're impressively maintaining contact with each other even when unconscious and back to back!
Dangerous distance: loads of space between you as you sleep ... this usually translates to emotional distance in waking hours.
Now interestingly me and P sleep with a 'dangerous distance' between us so going by these experts reckoning we have issues but we have slept like this for over 13 years now. We both agreed early on that comfort and quality of sleep was more important to us, we do partake in most of the other descriptions when awake and well if one thing leads to another due to the closeness then so be it but when it is time to sleep we really are at other ends of the bed. I personally would get no sleep if P was up against me every night too tempting to take things further in the wee hours.
Now I am in no way saying I agree with what these experts say and am not dissing how others sleep but how do you sleep with your partner and do you fit in with what the experts say or are you like us and a rebel at bedtime?
Yeah sounds like bull to me I'm afraid! It's all about *comfort*. We generally have bums and backs touching because we both like to face out of the bed and sometimes sleep ends apart since I really can't bear being too hot! We do leg hug and facing each other sometimes depending on how warm it is or how my hips are.
It's the same with "body language" experts insisting that when you see a photo of celeb couples looking away from each other it means there "distant" when in fact they may just have spotted different things in different shops and photographed at that time!
We're encouraged to over analyse our relationships.
Yeah sounds like bull to me I'm afraid! It's all about *comfort*. We generally have bums and backs touching because we both like to face out of the bed and sometimes sleep ends apart since I really can't bear being too hot! We do leg hug and facing each other sometimes depending on how warm it is or how my hips are.
It's the same with "body language" experts insisting that when you see a photo of celeb couples looking away from each other it means there "distant" when in fact they may just have spotted different things in different shops and photographed at that time!
We're encouraged to over analyse our relationships.
Adx
Twas exactly what went through my mind when I read it at first to be honest I just wanted to know what you lovely people thought about it. P and I were talking about it last night and we agree that when we get into bed we share our warmth to get cosy then settle down sleep when we are ready. To say that P and I are 'emotionally distant' in our waking hours is utter crap, it would mean a non existant sex life and we have had sex 4 out of the last 5 nights, not bragging just trying to put me point across. I wonder how many people took it seriously and think that they have problems now as they would rather be comfy. In my mind a good night sleep = a happy me and no 'experts' opinion is going to change that.
Yeah sounds like bull to me I'm afraid! It's all about *comfort*. We generally have bums and backs touching because we both like to face out of the bed and sometimes sleep ends apart since I really can't bear being too hot! We do leg hug and facing each other sometimes depending on how warm it is or how my hips are.
It's the same with "body language" experts insisting that when you see a photo of celeb couples looking away from each other it means there "distant" when in fact they may just have spotted different things in different shops and photographed at that time!
We're encouraged to over analyse our relationships.
Adx
Twas exactly what went through my mind when I read it at first to be honest I just wanted to know what you lovely people thought about it. P and I were talking about it last night and we agree that when we get into bed we share our warmth to get cosy then settle down sleep when we are ready. To say that P and I are 'emotionally distant' in our waking hours is utter crap, it would mean a non existant sex life and we have had sex 4 out of the last 5 nights, not bragging just trying to put me point across. I wonder how many people took it seriously and think that they have problems now as they would rather be comfy. In my mind a good night sleep = a happy me and no 'experts' opinion is going to change that.
Exactly! It's the reason I hate magazines and newspaper articles on "relationships" because they just invent things for people to worry about! It only takes someone who's insecure anyway to think "oh, well that means you must hate me".
It all depends on which of my joints are playing up. Usually fall asleep in the 'lusty spoons' position but usually wake up with our feet entwined.
Same here but the OH is a human heater.... so we tend to do all the positions and move during the night... if we wake up we tend to go back into spoons or me spread across him while hes on his back :D
Sexpert advice is not something I have ever taken seriously but there are those who will read it as gospel, and thats a major worry. We read the articles you mentioned at the time and were pretty gob smacked. Not all youngsters (sorry it makes me feel old but I think I may have a good 10 years on you) have their heads screwed on as well as you do Ad and this 'advice' (used very loosely I might add) may influence or destroy a normal relationship. We do not all fit in the same box and hell life would be very boring if we did, working out whats good for you is healthy and like fortune tellers they should be made to put disclamers with their so called advice.
Sexpert advice is not something I have ever taken seriously but there are those who will read it as gospel, and thats a major worry. We read the articles you mentioned at the time and were pretty gob smacked. Not all youngsters (sorry it makes me feel old but I think I may have a good 10 years on you) have their heads screwed on as well as you do Ad and this 'advice' (used very loosely I might add) may influence or destroy a normal relationship. We do not all fit in the same box and hell life would be very boring if we did, working out whats good for you is healthy and like fortune tellers they should be made to put disclamers with their so called advice.
I'm 20 so yeah, pretty young. And yes, there are a lot of people my age who are a lot less settled, comfortable and confident than me not to mention much less analytical and well thought out.
Cosmo really gets my back up because it encourages people to bury their head in the sand. The advice is rarely "talk to your partner" and is often all about "hinting". They have a section that basically says "make him give up X hobby, and he can afford to by you X perfume/make up/handbag"....views like that really do not make for a happy relationship and I think magazines and papers really have a lot to answer for! Especially when people really turn to magazines for magazines before their partners, friends and parents who may have a more balanced view on things!
Sexpert advice is not something I have ever taken seriously but there are those who will read it as gospel, and thats a major worry. We read the articles you mentioned at the time and were pretty gob smacked. Not all youngsters (sorry it makes me feel old but I think I may have a good 10 years on you) have their heads screwed on as well as you do Ad and this 'advice' (used very loosely I might add) may influence or destroy a normal relationship. We do not all fit in the same box and hell life would be very boring if we did, working out whats good for you is healthy and like fortune tellers they should be made to put disclamers with their so called advice.
I'm 20 so yeah, pretty young. And yes, there are a lot of people my age who are a lot less settled, comfortable and confident than me not to mention much less analytical and well thought out.
Cosmo really gets my back up because it encourages people to bury their head in the sand. The advice is rarely "talk to your partner" and is often all about "hinting". They have a section that basically says "make him give up X hobby, and he can afford to by you X perfume/make up/handbag"....views like that really do not make for a happy relationship and I think magazines and papers really have a lot to answer for! Especially when people really turn to magazines for magazines before their partners, friends and parents who may have a more balanced view on things!
Adx
i'm 30 and was very unsettled in my 20s.... in the long run I made the decision to never buy another cosmo or any similar magazines as its full of crap and basically if im happy its going well and if im bugged by something i mention it to the OH... in all honesty though I admit that he is the first guy I feel comfy enough to do this with! :)
Lusty spoon: snuggled close from behind with your legs thrown over each other ... your sex life is in very good shape.
Honeymoon: a full-length whole body hug, facing each other whit every part touching ... a desire to connect on all levels ,a need for reassurance and total commitment to each other.
Leg hug: lying on your backs but legs entwined, a favourite with long-term independent couples ... a balanced relationship, your upper bodies separate, allowing you your own space, but the closeness is still there.
Bottom to bottom: You're both facing away but your bottoms touch ... the relationship is in good shape, you're impressively maintaining contact with each other even when unconscious and back to back!
Dangerous distance: loads of space between you as you sleep ... this usually translates to emotional distance in waking hours.
Now I am in no way saying I agree with what these experts say and am not dissing how others sleep but how do you sleep with your partner and do you fit in with what the experts say or are you like us and a rebel at bedtime?
This is quite amusing.. We alternate between them depending a lot on the weather and how we feel.
We'd done bottom to bottom which is strangely comforting, lusty spoon as my OH and I love having ourselves wrapped up in eachother.. If we're feeling hot we have the "dangerous distance". A lot of the times it's the leg hug though. It does have a nice balance. We do have our honeymoon moments when we wake up and just gaze at eachother and touch. I miss that. =]
Been there done that with the hints and with P you could hit him with a sledgehammer and I still dont think he would get a hint. I am more direct now and things get worked out quicker. If we need lube I tell him straight we need lube and the same goes for when he has pissed me off, we are more open and honest with each other now than we were 7 or 8 years ago where I would bottle everything up and blame myself for everything I felt was wrong.
Oh, I forgot to answer the question. I don't entirely agree with the experts.
For the most part we go to sleep in a spooning position but we keep our heads away from eachother. We both like our own space but love being really close. It's a mixture of two. It comes down to preference too though. You can be madly in love and just hate being too close.
I agree with the sex advice that is written in those magazines... My OH and I discuss those articles online and we laugh about it. There are far too many variables tbh. It's never as clear cut as they say. I hate the stupid rules of engagements they make.. like in dating. Communication with eachother is key.. Answers are not (usually) in generic articles.
It is absolute bullshit. Beyond the obvious examples like "I hate you but we have to sleep in the same room".
Same with most body language reading, micro expressions, following eye movements etc...
It's tripe and unscientific. I sleep in the foetal position... I guess that means I'm emotionally unstable, wish I was back in the womb. Depressed etc... Not that It's cold. I get fed up of people recycling the same crap to scare/upset people with meaning where none exists.
We often sleep back to back. I like to face the wall because it's darker.
Wouldn't it be great if what people said was actually held accountable? Twats.
It is absolute bullshit. Beyond the obvious examples like "I hate you but we have to sleep in the same room".
Same with most body language reading, micro expressions, following eye movements etc...
It's tripe and unscientific. I sleep in the foetal position... I guess that means I'm emotionally unstable, wish I was back in the womb. Depressed etc... Not that It's cold. I get fed up of people recycling the same crap to scare/upset people with meaning where none exists.
We often sleep back to back. I like to face the wall because it's darker.
Wouldn't it be great if what people said was actually held accountable? Twats.
Yup the generic crap thats been floating around for years needs refreshed to take into account the fact that people are individuals not mass produced robots. Thats the reason why if I had a problem and needed advice then I would ask you wonderful folk as I know I would get honest no bull shit answers nota general keep everyone happy answer.
I don't really think anything of the analysis either - my girlfriend and I sleep pretty randomly each night. Usually when we spoon it gets hot really quickly and we start sweating. Sexy in small amounts, but not when you've literally dampened the sheets, haha. Sometimes we spoon until she falls asleep, and with the heat that's about as much as I can take before I have to stick my legs out the duvet for a bit..
As for me, I usually sleep close to her, my hands resting on her thighs when facing her. When she's facing me, she'll do the same and likes to put her legs over mine. Sometimes she faces away, sometimes I face away, and sometimes we both face away with bums touching - whichever way, comfort is the most important thing. I personally have always felt most comfortable sleeping on my right side, which I've done most of my life. Sometimes when I do this she sneaks up behind me and hugs me.
Basically, we sleep in all different ways every night, sometimes almost at opposite ends of the bed (you move unconsciously when sleeping) but our relationship is always lovely and no different