How many married Bisexuals out there

Hi all, as a married bisexual man I’m really happy in my marriage with my wife and have never been tempted to stray for a bit of cock, I’d be lying if I said I never craved or wanted a bit of gay fun again as it was so good but it’s only ever been fantasies.
When I was I young I wasn’t sure at first which way I would settle down as I was sleeping with as many men as women. It dawned on me that it was women I was actually physically attracted too and I was only sleeping with men for gay sex.
I found the love of my life and we’ve been married for nearly 30 years. In a weird twist of fate she admitted that in her teens she thought she might be gay as she had “experimented” with her female best friend and never had a boyfriend. It wasn’t till we met that she realised she was attracted to both men and women. We was chatting the other night about things and I mentioned her bisexuality and she firmly shut me down and said that she’s straight and has never thought of sex with another woman since we got together. I’m not too sure as she is clearly attracted to women in the porn we watch and will happy masterbate to lesbian porn. Didn’t want to rock the boat so left it there.
For me I know I’m bisexual, I know as much as I might want gay sex again it won’t happen. That’s the life I chose.
Just wondered how other’s bisexuals out their cope in a straight marriage? Cheers all XxX

Do you think it’s much different to staying monogamous in general?

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Yes I agree staying monogamous should be no different.
For me being bisexual means I’ve had the best of both worlds and both worlds are quite different and as much as I’m very happy and enjoy the life I’ve got there’s still that bit of me that misses gay sex.

Bisexual widower here. I was with the same hetero woman for 28 years, and she was on board with my sexuality from day one. Personally, I never found that being bi in a committed monogamous relationship gave me anything to “cope with”. I’m a monogamous person by nature, so to me fidelity is fidelity: yes, I fancied men, in just the same way I fancied other women - the world is full of attractive people! - but I’d never have risked throwing away the deepest and most important relationship in my life for a bit of passing fun with whoever.

One of the most commonly-heard and most dangerous LIES about bi people is that being bi makes us more likely to cheat on a partner because we’re always “craving the other”. It’s bullshit. No person’s sexuality makes them innately more prone to cheat. Cheaters are… cheaters! - end of: people who’ve promised to be faithful and then break that promise. Makes no difference whether they’re straight, gay, bi/pan or whatever.

Of course, there are bisexuals and pansexuals who feel that their life would be unfulfilled without sexual contact with all the genders of their choice, and the sensible way to satisfy this need is by means of consensual open marriage or by being part of a polyamorous household. It’s not rocket science! :slightly_smiling_face:

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There’s something else I wanted to say that is relevant to @Yes_man’s query. It’s about something that bisexuals do have to cope with when they’re in a monogamous relationship. Invisibility.

Bisexual invisibility (also known as bisexual erasure) is a real thing. Within the LGBT+ world, we’re famous for being The Invisible People!

When a bisexual is in a one-to-one relationship with another person, of either gender, their true identity disappears from view, whether they like it or not. If, say, my current partner is a woman - even a bisexual woman! - the world sees us as a straight couple; if my partner is a man - even a bisexual man! - we’re “the gay couple”. Either way, I can’t win!

Pretty much the only way to avoid this is to be upfront and visible in your daily life: deliberately wearing badges, symbols and t-shirt slogans that announce your true identity to the world. But, as I’m sure you can imagine, not every bi person - even the most out-and-proud ones like me - necessarily want to go about every day looking like a 24/7 pride parade mascot. I wear a bi pride bracelet every day, and occasionally have a bi pride flag badge on my jacket lapel …but to be honest most people outside the queer community (and, frankly, even some people within it) don’t know what that flag means anyway! :laughing:

Even though my late wife was totally comfortable with my sexuality from the start of our relationship, I still found that this part of my identity got “tuned out” and forgotten over time. For example: we’d be having a dinner party with friends (including some who had known me from before I met her and whom I was sure were well aware of my sexuality) and I’d find myself having to remind them: “No, Jim - don’t you remember? Back then I was with David! Remember David? …with the blond hair? - my BOYFRIEND?” :roll_eyes:

And why should this matter? It’s about being recognised and counted as a demographic group in society - particularly by lawmakers. There are far, far more of us in the world than there ever appear to be, and if we don’t take the trouble to make ourselves known, the tendency will always be for us to blend into the scenery while attention focusses on the more easily-identifiable groups.

Anyhoo - that’s me done. PleasureDrone’s had his little rant. Move along now, please. Nothing to see …and I mean that, literally! :rofl:

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That’s interesting. I can see why laws need to be changed for homosexual relationships, but which ones affect bisexuality?

Your right! Only a very small handful of chosen friends know I’m bi, everyone else presumes I’m straight. Even in todays open world my nephew who is Bisexual is in a gay relationship and tells all their friends who are gay thats he’s gay because bisexuality is so frowned upon in the gay community. My Neice is going through the same thing.

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It’s important for those who govern us and make our laws to be kept aware that LGBT+ is a broad church, and for no demographic group to be left out of the picture. Bisexuals and pansexuals are, by a long stretch, the most marginalised/unconsidered group under the LGBT+ “umbrella”. It’s also important that any legislation that might impact on bi/pan people’s lives and rights is not drafted in a way that ignores their voice or pays heed to/validates the many myths and prejudices that exist about us. Hence it’s our job to make sure we are seen and perceived fairly and accurately in society. :slightly_smiling_face:

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Quite right. I was hoping for some examples though as I couldn’t think of any. :slightly_smiling_face: Bigamy/polyamory perhaps?

Though maybe too much of a digression for this topic?

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Yes, society has a loooong way to go before polyamorous relationships are ever formally recognised in law. For the sake of my poly friends, I live in hope that one day poly civil partnerships/marriages will be a legal reality. I can’t imagine the major religions ever getting onboard with it though! :astonished:

A friend of mine tells a gloriously funny story of when she and her 2 partners set about trying to get a mortgage to buy their house. Picture the guy at the building society, doing his level best to get his head - and their working methods - around the practicalities of an equal 3-way partnership that wasn’t a business partnership, but still defaulting to ancient cliches, like assuming that the only male in the room must be the “head of the household”. At one point he said “I’ll be honest - we literally don’t have the paperwork to cover this!” They got it sorted in the end, but not without a lot of “computer says no” along the way! :rofl:

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As you’ll know if you read my blog, I’m pansexual. I’m also demi-sexual, and I’m in a polyamorous relationship, so I’m a big bag of difference… and I’ve never been happier.

I’ve been misunderstood and different all my life. The difference now is that I don’t care what people think of me. I’m living the best life I can, being as kind and helpful as I can, and I’m getting the love I crave and the sex I need. Took me a long time to get here, and that not caring about being different was an important part.

For the record, it is a three way poly, with all three of us in relationships with both the others. Works really well.

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Not married but monogamous bisexual, there’s really no coping for me sure i’m attracted to both but I don’t crave the other when I’m with someone. I spent 4 monogamous years with my ex who was a girl, and I didn’t crave or miss guys even though i’ve been with more guys. I mean with are lack of sex life I was missing that but did really care about gender just wanted to have sex and feel desired.

Now I’m in a mono relationship with a guy and I don’t miss girls, he’s bisexual too and has always been very monogamous as well after all he was married for a long time.

So ya i’m in a straight relationship and don’t really need to cope as I’m happy and content with who I’m with.

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