I've noticed alot of, well, the majority of people are already doing quite a bit in the bedroom, or they are open to trying to new things and curious.
But, I wondered to myself just now... after finding a blog online that caters to lets say, a very niche taste, one that I can't for the life of me understand, how much is too much, what are your boundaries?
I like to think of myself as very open minded and I'm not one to judge at all... generally speaking but there are some things that are abit too far for me... the blog in question, I'm not sure if I'd get in trouble for linking to it.
Everyone has a limit, and everyone is different. The person that wrote that blog will have some limitations in one way or another, even if it's something extraordinary, they probably think "oh I do this, but I won't do that". I have limits, but I find that I'm pushing them all of the time and going into different territory. So what are my limits today, probably won't be limits to me in a few years time. As far as I'm concerned, there is a limit of going too far when it involves sexual activity that isn't between two consenting adults, or people with the mental capacity to make consensual decisions, but apart from that I wouldn't really judge, whatever floats your boat really. I also think that because it's on a blog, maybe the writer is looking for some sort of attention because of that act, maybe to the point of exaggerating it. Maybe they think it's so strange that they're doing it just for the attention it will receive, they might not actually be THAT into it after all.
It varies so much. Some might balk at incestuous roleplay, others at scat- or blood-play, or needles etc. whereas some may be fine with them. Some want to be stretched beyond what seems possible, some cross their legs at the thought and think no way.
Sometimes you might want to do things that do not particularly appeal to you, because of the pleasure it gives to your partner.
Consent is probably my main sticking point too I guess.
I think everyone has their own breaking point. I have been with some women that would not dare use a toy, others want multiple at the same time. So it is pretty much just a preference.
I might aswel just say what I saw.. basically this woman referred to herself as sirs toilet. Her lunchbox for work didn't contain sandwiches...
There is loads of stuff that I just don't get. For me I can't imagine giving loads of stuff a go. I think I am at the pretty tame end of kinky. I'm okay with that though. What I have learnt, mostly from being on this forum, is that if my partner ever approaches me with something I will always listen and never laugh and try not to appear disturbed by it. Whether or not I could physically engage it would be another matter, if I could try I would. If I couldn't I'd at least try and engage with him about it if he wanted me too.
I read a lot of erotica online, and again nothing to extreme, although more extreme than what I actually do myself. Some of the subject matters baffle me. I have no idea how or why peope would enjoy those subjects, but they clearly do, so I just don't cick on them.
Despite all the weird and wonderful things that are out there, there is only one thing that makes me feel really uneasy, and it's gimp masks/suits. If this was hubby's ultimate fantasy I honestly think I'd have to let him do it with someone else. I don't know why it makes me uneasy. There are other things that I hear about that don't turn me on, like your exampe above, but it doesn't give me the same uneasy freaked out feeling of a gimp mask, i just think, oh thats not for me. The gimp makes me wan to run and never stop running, lol. Still wouldn't want anyone else not to do it though. Just nobody invite me round for tea if you've got your gimp suit on :)
Thanks for including a specific example, AnonyX. That helps and I think the mention rather than a link was well chosen.
Because your example is so extreme and because of the way many people use the internet these days, there's always a possibility that those passages were written to gain traffic through their shock value. Sort of like that two girls thing but without even having to do it (or simulate it convincingly), just write about it. Maybe have a look through again with that in mind? Or not if you don't want to add traffic or reinforce your experience of it.
I think you're on to something with your overall observations. Advertising and the media which reinforces it are all about more more more. Whether you need it or not, whether you can afford it or not, no matter the cost to you. Oh, and here's a loan for when you can't pay for it that will quadruple your costs, which means you'll be borrowing to pay for the things you really do need.
I think that's going on with us sexually as well. How could it not, when sexuality and sexual desire is exploited so thoroughly to get us to buy more things whether they're sexual or not.
Most of us can step back to see the problems of the payday loan spiral. What if that happens with sexual practices as well? How far does one go when bigger, harder, rougher, more humiliating becomes a sort of addiction or at least an unquestioned habit?
I personally think that open-minded communities and individuals have a responsibility to look out for each other's well being. There are dangers in the everything is good mindset because sometimes there really do need to be limits in what we choose to do.
I like to think I'm quite broad minded but even I have limits. Like beings someone toilet just makes me sick tbh.
AnonyX wrote:
I might aswel just say what I saw.. basically this woman referred to herself as sirs toilet. Her lunchbox for work didn't contain sandwiches...
To much for me that would be, I am with you AnonyX. I think as previously mentioned, each individual has their own limits and personal preferences. Everyone has a rough idea of their limitations and their relevant responce, but until the situation arises, you never really know how you will act. Some people love the idea, or particapating in base jumping, others will strongly suggest it would not be for them.
This is what I find absolutely fascinating about sexual pleasure ....the absolutely broad range in which people experience it! I mean, it isn't just the extreme things, its the unusual things too. I remember watching a series on tv which portrayed peoples strange or unusual sexual desires, from enjoying rubbing and popping balloons, to squishing food all over their bodies, to having sexual desires for inanimate objects like a car.
Basically ANYTHING can be sexual to someone, somewhere and I think I remember reading once that people kinda develop sexual interests in certain things because of the way the mind works, in a similar way people develop phobias to things, it can work the other way, something impressing on the mind at a time when it can be affected (Puberty etc)...
As you can tell, I can't explain it well, but it made sense to me at the time.
So, baring in mind that ANYTHING can be sexualised by someone somewhere, it also stands to reason that absolutely everyone has limits. Being open minded does not mean you have no limits and would be up for literally anything. It means you are willing to absorb new "kinks" mull it over in your mind in a considering, not too judegmental kind of way and then decide if it does anything for you or not. So even the most open minded people can have visceral reactions to certain acts and outright refuse them. The difference I think lies in how you handle the situation. If you critisise someone, take the piss, call them demeaning names and judge them, or whether you just say "Your kink is not my kink, but if it works for you, fab"
Fluffbags wrote:
So, baring in mind that ANYTHING can be sexualised by someone somewhere, it also stands to reason that absolutely everyone has limits. Being open minded does not mean you have no limits and would be up for literally anything. It means you are willing to absorb new "kinks" mull it over in your mind in a considering, not too judegmental kind of way and then decide if it does anything for you or not. So even the most open minded people can have visceral reactions to certain acts and outright refuse them. The difference I think lies in how you handle the situation. If you critisise someone, take the piss, call them demeaning names and judge them, or whether you just say "Your kink is not my kink, but if it works for you, fab"
I'd say that's about spot on.
Fluffbags wrote:
This is what I find absolutely fascinating about sexual pleasure ....the absolutely broad range in which people experience it! I mean, it isn't just the extreme things, its the unusual things too. I remember watching a series on tv which portrayed peoples strange or unusual sexual desires, from enjoying rubbing and popping balloons, to squishing food all over their bodies, to having sexual desires for inanimate objects like a car.
Basically ANYTHING can be sexual to someone, somewhere and I think I remember reading once that people kinda develop sexual interests in certain things because of the way the mind works, in a similar way people develop phobias to things, it can work the other way, something impressing on the mind at a time when it can be affected (Puberty etc)...
As you can tell, I can't explain it well, but it made sense to me at the time.
So, baring in mind that ANYTHING can be sexualised by someone somewhere, it also stands to reason that absolutely everyone has limits. Being open minded does not mean you have no limits and would be up for literally anything. It means you are willing to absorb new "kinks" mull it over in your mind in a considering, not too judegmental kind of way and then decide if it does anything for you or not. So even the most open minded people can have visceral reactions to certain acts and outright refuse them. The difference I think lies in how you handle the situation. If you critisise someone, take the piss, call them demeaning names and judge them, or whether you just say "Your kink is not my kink, but if it works for you, fab"
Wow excellent post...couldnt agree more! I too once watched some random program where someone was turned on at the sight of a shirt cuff patruding from a jacket sleeve. Not my thing but then I have a thing about certain smells....which wouldnt be someone elses!
My base line is it doesnt really matter what anyone else thinks or does as long as its concensual and no one is being forced beyond thier will. I consider my self to be open minded but my sexual preferences would probably be considered quite tame by many- I dont judge anyone based on what they would do beyond what I like. We are all wonderfully unique!