I need strong mental stimulation as well as physical stimulation to get me going. I'm 52 and on the rather large side....plus I suffered a serious TBI which has left me in a wheelchair. My nerves are badly damaged after brain surgery, so messages from my body don't always reach my brain and I also take lots of opiate pain killers everyday which also numbs by body from feeling stuff much - all very complicated...To get myself aroused during sex I fantasize in my head, this often does the trick to get me aroused enough to feel phsical sensations.
Anyway.....I'd like to try role play as then I wouldn't have to fantasize in my lonely head!! My partner gets off on talking real filth - name calling and telling me I'm doing this or that... but thats just not what gets me going. I need to really feeli I'm doing the stuff he says and I feel role playing would work - but how do I suggest this to him without him thinking I'm putting his usual sexual tecniques down? Thanks for any suggestions guys xx
Just suggest the idea of trying something new. At the moment he's using what gets him off but isn't taking your fantasies or wants into account. He can't if he doesn't know what you need from him.
Be honest about it and perhaps phrase it like "I think it would really hot if we tried this" or similar. This will let him know that role playing is something that turns you on without dismissing what you two have been doing previously.
Xx
Natandtom hit the nail on the head, it's all about communication and from what I can understand from your post, it seems it's more of what he wants rather than you. If you haven't ever been up front and told him exactly what you like then he will carry on doing the same old thing. As above It's a good idea to suggest something new, don't bring up anything from the past but just tell him you want to try a bit of role play and think up a few scenarios in your head. Hopefully you can both involve eachothers fantasy perspective on the roles and really get things going. Communication is key and sex shouldn't be a one sided thing in relationships, everyone deserves to be happy and enjoy themselves so be honest and open about your needs, I'm sure he will understand and hopefully things will be perfect for you both
Thank you, NatandTom - your suggestions are really good and helpful. I think its my fear of him feeling kind of belittled that worries me most - so your suggestion would work really well - I'll let you know how I get on xx
You're welcome. Hope it goes well! Xx
Thank you Lil_known69 - yes, communiccation is deffinately lacking - I'm a bit shyabout talking about what I need sexually...you'd think at my age and the fact we've been together 17 years would have got me past the shy stage- but tbh - I think as I get older it gets worse! xx Really appreciate you taking the time to reply xx
She is but a number! We all get shy at times and about certain things so it's nothing to worry about. Sometimes you need to either jump in at the deep end or listen to yourself and realise its alarm bells and not just a bit of a shy moments, don't ever feel compelled to do anything that you don't want too. My partner can be extremely shy about certain things, but then she's willing to do some stuff which even I think is a little freaky, but as long as you communicate and enjoy eachother then your sure to have an amazing time. I hope
It all works out and you finally get your fantasies out in the open! You will probably wish you said something sooner x
How we got into roleplaying?
I think its some dirty suggestions from her whilst watching a St Trinians film drinking a bottle of Vino. . Sometimes watching a film together works as it did in our case if it covers the sort of fantasies that your thinking of and thus makes talking about them a little easier. Some of the things she said was like "What would you do if I wore something like that ?" etc whilst snuggling up . It encourages you to talk and boundaries tend to disintigrate when under the influence of alcohol. I dont mean getting blottoed here, but just enough for those inhibitions to dissappear a little.
So as an idea have a nice dinner at home . Watch a movie ( not hard porn) roughly based on what you want to achive in your roleplaying or fantasy . Down a few wines and then talk.