Hi
My husband and I have been together 10 years, we have 2 kids and both work opposite shifts so we don’t get a huge amount of alone time and when we do if it’s during the day we go out or share the housework, on an evening we watch TV.
We both love sex, however we tend to average once every 6-8 weeks… pitiful I know
We had quite a hot and heavy session last night and while on top, feeling really good I said why don’t we do this more often
We tend to do the same things, kissing, touching kissing and biting different areas, oral on eachother and then I go on top until I orgasm then he either stays under me and thrusts fast till he cums or we switch to doggy or missionary till he cums. We are both 1 orgasm people, once we’ve both cum we are done
I’m looking for advice on how to spice things up, how to have more and better sex.
Ohh, I remember the pain of working opposite shifts. My marriage became strained and we were so disconnected. We had alot going on in our personal lives as well, we’ve been married almost 30 years. I was the one to take charge. 2.5 years ago I made the decision to go casual so we could spend time together. But then a few months ago I made some changes. I wanted to rekindle our sex life and so I started sexting him, sending screenshots on my kindle books on sex positions. I also purposely started telling him its too bad your at work because we could A. B. or C. And he would be rearing to go when he got home
Sometimes it would be a new piece of lingerie (his favorite thing) or I’d show him a new toy or toys I’d purchased. I’d tell him I was masturbating and or wanting to try something new, typically a position or whatever. I’d give him oral when he got home right away while alone (our adult daughter lives with us) and then we’d have sex later that night. I really wanted to give him a great blowjob and I’d massage his perineum looking for his prostate, he really loves that.
Occasionally if we stirred awake in the middle of the night, we’d have sex again. We were going 2 or 3 times a day for almost a month. I’ve probably spent just about 3 thousand dollars over the last 5 months on lingerie, toys, anything grabs my fancy because we’ve been soo dry for a few years. We’re enjoying this period in our lives and its building up our marriage
One of the best and consistent toy I use are ben wa balls as they really create an ache inside me that I want satisfied so I have become the initiator 99% of the time now
Such a great topic because I think this happens to sooo many people hey! And I’m passionate about it but no where near an expert so I hope I don’t bore you with the following haha
We haven’t been together as long as you but it still happened to us where life got in the way so I totally feel you and so here’s a few things we did/do to hopefully inspire
You mentioned you might be together during the day? Some of our kinkiest and hottest sessions have been during the day - and I at first really didn’t like the thought of daytime sex. My OH loves it, when I ask him why he says he’s the most awake and least tired so gets the most out of it. There’s the added heat of someone might come round for a cuppa, so we might get caught.
Try it! The housework will still be there when you’re done
You mention watching tv on an evening. We actually ended up taking our tv out of our bedroom because it was too easy to binge watch series in bed and forget to be intimate. But there’s a lot you can do, ever the fans of multitasking we start getting each other excited while we watch.
Sitting close, spoon or sit between his legs and lean on his chest so he can touch wherever he wants. The other night he brought out a toy and we played while watching although to be fair I don’t remember any of the program now lol. Last night he massaged my back while we watched some anime. I had a migraine so we didn’t do much more but it’s still intimate and we still felt connected.
You can spoon him and hold his balls, stroke him and give that boy some love too. You can give him oral while he watches, he can do the same. So much you can do. Soon tv will seem boring (obvs as long as the kids aren’t around )
Some other things:
Ask him how often he plays solo and ask if you can join those sessions if it’s appropriate.
Text him at work what you want the next session to look like.
Agree to a minimum times per week, make it work to the best of your abilities.
Ask him if he’s game to spice it up and what that looks like for him, if he has any fantasies or things he wants to try, apps like Spicer helps.
Take the lead, if you want more sex, he wants more sex, take the steps and let it snowball. New lingerie, toys, positions!
@Rebekah29 Are you my spouse No I’m totally kidding obviously but your situation sounds very similar to mine, other than opposite schedules. Married almost 10yrs, 2 kids, was every 6-8 weeks if we were lucky (more like months…).
The best advice I can give is to communicate what you want, but do it outside of that intimate setting at first. For me, it was a dinner date when someone babysat our kids for us, and I told her how much it means to me to have our intimate moments and how I would like us to be intentional about connecting, rather than spending our alone time in front of the TV. I wouldn’t say it changed permanently overnight, but has given us a platform to remind each other of that, without feeling awkward or whatever. And we’ve certainly been much more active and exploratory since I really let her know how I felt.
Keep an eye on the conversations in this forum btw. I’ve found it’s given me tons of confidence to open up with my OH and explore things I only fantasized about previously.
What a lovely post, i don’t think you are unussual with your comments or the amount of sex. Unfortunately like many our very busy lives, kids, home take over and sex becomes the loser. I for one has certainly lost out during our marriage. We love each other totally but everything else got in the way and now sex is just not important unfortunately. I would suggest plan dates/times for intermicy. Talk about it away from the bedroom and talk about your fantasies without embarrasment. Its good you have identified you would like more and want to do something about it,
You are on the right forum, I would suggest you browse the lovehoney website and buy yourselves some toys to use on each other, we can get ourselves quite horny just ordering new toys, the excitement and anticipation is great, even better when the postman arrives!
We work opposite shifts aswell and its hard to find time for ourselves. We have 2 children in the house, one of which is at college and is a bit of a night owl so cant even wait till hes asleep as on our 2 nights together each week, were ready for sleep before him Saying that we try to find some time at least once a week together to have sex. More if possible. We love toys and kink. The toys are quite easy to incorporate to keep things interesting. The kink on the other hand is a bit harder. Its been months since i was tied up and had my ass beaten till its too sore to sit on… sorry my mind digressed slightly there
Anyway… were still working on our journey. My sex drive isnt as high as his so we dont sync up sometimes aswell so thats just another thing that gets in our way.
Im not entirely sure what to advise other than communicate, try and make time even if its a quickie while doing the housework together and maybe try to incorporate some toys or lingerie. We try to book a day off together every now and again when the kids are at school and college and dedicate it to just us. We tend to have lots of sex, go out for lunch and spend some quality time together. It really helps us stay connected.
Good luck!!!
Maybe the build up could help to excite both by sending flirty texts throughout the day leaving gifts for each other to find of lingerie/underwear and other stuff… could be a chance to enjoy being creative
I read on the internet a few days ago about a couple who has a candle in their room, and when one of them is feeling like sex, that person lights the candle, and then the other person knows that they are interested, and if the other person blows it out before bed, no sex. But if it’s still burning then it’s on!
Cannot really help just thought I’d use this to describe our situation. We have a beautiful 4 month old baby but shes completely blocking any chance of sex for my partner and I ! my partner and myself have to sleep in separate rooms and when I have made it into her bed and we’ve felt frisky it’s always been really slow and careful to the point as to not wake the baby and to be honest neither of us get much from it as previously we liked it quite hard and fast.
Unfortunately the baby won’t take a bottle so we can’t leave her with relatives either for a few hours . It’s really frustrating but guess it’s just one of those things I’ve come to accept right now. We laugh and joke about us not having sex, I’m calling myself a born again Virgin! It’s not her fault or mine. Just a phrase which will pass hopefully.
Hope this doesn’t trigger anyone. I’m well aware we’re so lucky to have a healthy baby in comparison to this moan about lack of sex.
This is normal and I remember this well! Don’t worry it doesn’t last much longer although at the time I know it’s frustrating! It won’t be too long until your little one is in their own room and you can have your time together again.
You could always try having a quicky when your little one is napping but if you are anything like us you’re too tired and just want a bit of a break with peace and quiet when you do get a few minutes
opposite shifts make things difficult. after 10 years, if it is still important and enjoyable for both of you then make an effort to ensure this happens more often. I’m not suggesting 9pm every Tuesday, as you don’t want to get into a rut but sincerely look at both of your calendars and set aside some time, then you’ll both have something to look forward to. It sounds like a healthy time when you do get together…you just need to make it happen more often.
does one of the two of you routinely instigate sessions? switch things up, change your routines. Buy a new outfit or two, dress up. Book a night away when you can, hotel sex is almost always even better! New look, new location, maybe even a new perfume? Good luck to you.
I used to be married and for various different reasons sex with my wife was very difficult to achieve it taught me a lot about how to do better in the future lol
Me and my current partner have been together a couple of years and we’re not fucking five times a day anymore, but we have very regular sessions. Something we both like is to just have intimacy without expectations, which more or less always turns into sex. But we start with just being close to one another and enjoying that closeness.
We also just kind of make sure to take every moment that comes our way, and we are very committed to bringing this with us into the future of our relationship.
If we’re apart we tend to send each other some naughty pics as well, and some raunchy text messages. And rather than being bored with one another we keep discovering new things constantly.
Sexual closeness is something that can definitely be ‘taught’ and one thing that’s true for women is that you need to ‘stoke the fire’ lol. If I feel a bit stressed and so not up for sex, I go and masturbate to reset.
I feel like I’ve rambled a lot in this reply but maybe something is useful
positions. I also purposely started telling him its too bad your at work because we could A. B. or C. And he would be rearing to go when he got home 
and its building up our marriage 
No I’m totally kidding obviously 
Saying that we try to find some time at least once a week together to have sex. More if possible. We love toys and kink. The toys are quite easy to incorporate to keep things interesting. The kink on the other hand is a bit harder. Its been months since i was tied up and had my ass beaten till its too sore to sit on… sorry my mind digressed slightly there 
could be a chance to enjoy being creative
my partner and myself have to sleep in separate rooms and when I have made it into her bed and we’ve felt frisky it’s always been really slow and careful to the point as to not wake the baby and to be honest neither of us get much from it as previously we liked it quite hard and fast.
it taught me a lot about how to do better in the future lol