How to spice things up?

I’m sure if you wear something sexy and be waiting for him in the bedroom, regardless of the setting laying there legs open be confident in yourself and take control maybe your the dominant one in the relationship when it comes to sex and he could be shy and not really know how to handle you (bedroom wise) anymore, so when you get that opportunity if your confident enough (picture the setting) your laying on the bed in some sexy crotchless laundry just give him them sexy eyes all women poses, and tell him to come to you! When he gets close, tell him to Step back you get up and take control of him.

This is just a example of how you can see if he prefers you taking control, you are in a predicament and I feel you just need that nudge of confidence, just remember you are a strong sexy women, and if he doesn’t value you then, maybe you need to talk about more than just your sex life, not because in this imaginary example but because you maybe both need clarification on what you both want and where you see yourselves going together.

Like I said just an example and we both really hope you can get back on track with each other I’m sure everyone in this forum can feel your emotions we both certainly can.

One thing for your list could most definitely be you miss the little things like a little cuddle and a compliment, give him some compliments and see if he responds with some back maybe he won’t straight away but a man hearing a compliment always goes a long way as does it with a lot of people.

Sorry if this is a bit jumbled it was written by both of us as we do both really feel your emotion and wish you well.


Thanks Steve and Laura I really appreciate your thoughts and advice……I just feel he thinks it’s all I think about but it is because I don’t get much from him…I just showed him the date night deal on here and he was quite snappy like I ain’t doing that you do it you just buy two toys for you and I could see he was a bit miffed I just feel like giving up I really do he knows where I am at and what I want by he struggles to do it. I tell him every day he is handsome and how I idolise him but he just looks at me and sometimes says yeah right. He knows he has to make things better he admitted I meet his needs in the relationship but he knows he don’t meet mine a mean how can you work with that. We have a date night all day sat not Sunday around 5pm and I just think how will it be is there any point in going with it. I feel all I can try is the dress up next And see how it goes. I even suggested getting chest and a lock and building on the sex toys but it was like a look he gave me to say yeah right. When he has a drink he can be more open minded but shouldn’t take for this for him to be like that. Just makes me mad and upset but I will take your advice and see what is what. Cheers guys


Well that sucks. You both have to be in the same page. I understand what you are saying, about not always about sex. A woman likes to be noticed by any means. I think you are on the ends of your wits and nothing works. Talk to him and ask what is the problem. Maybe he’s stressed out about work or something else. My wife would get me all alone, even if the kids were around. Pull my pants and underwear down and just start sucking my dick. That always works when I’m in a mood. I too sometimes ignore her but she reminds me of how lucky i am to have her. Believe me, I make sure to straighten out. Try it and don’t be scared to try new things. Get the kids out of the house and wear some sexy lingerie all day for his viewing pleasure only. Hope this works


Have you tried therapy?
It sounds like you guys might benefit from having an outside party guide you in some communication.
There may be some issues to resolve between you. He might have some issues from his past that he might need to deal with.
It’s helped us. Everyone is different - but communication is key.
Good luck @littlehunny5


I’d suggest you buy some toys for yourself then and don’t worry about letting him see you using them. He might find the sight arousing.


I hope you don’t mind the bluntness but he sounds like a dick and with the way he’s getting on I wouldn’t want to be intimate with him.

I fear you’re setting yourself up for disappointment if you plan a date day, get hair and make up done, wear sexy lingerie and set the mood in the bedroom. He could just say no and that would ruin it for you.

I would suggest stripping it right back and have dinner at the table with some low music in the background and talk, just about every day things. Try and get your friendship back first and remember what you liked about each other.

Have a drink or 2 but don’t get drunk and watch a movie and see if he’ll cuddle on the sofa. Anything where you are touching each other whether its you snuggled into him or just sitting beside each other with hands on legs.

Get your intimacy back before you get your sexy back. And honestly just see if you still like each other and want to make this work.


it sounds like you are a bit stuck in a rut.

If it were me I would go for a walk with him on Saturday, so you can chat and walk at the same time (this is sometimes easier than being face to face). Perhaps ask him what HE feels is the main reason he is holding back on your sex life - so you can fully understand. Is it the kids, his mood, tiredness, feeling stressed etc. etc. and then try to work out a plan that can solve it together - is there a time of day that he ever feels horney, when he wakes up perhaps? Alternatively, a relationship therapist would be a great idea, but you would both have to be on board with this.

I hope this helps, in the meantime regularly masturbate so you don’t feel so sexually frustrated.


@littlehunny5 .welcome to the forum.
I agree , that a frank discussion away from the bedroom is required.
I personally dont understand guys that dont have the view or desire to keep their partner sexually fulfilled .I get off on the reaction , when my wife is in a heightened sexual state and then satiated. It is a two way street and by the sounds if it , you have the desire to do that for him.
Sex and good sex is the mortar that keeps the bricks of a relationship together. It provides the psychological connection that ties people together.
I hope you manage to convey that message.
Sex is there to be embraced and enjoyed. Life is too short to let a very important aspect, not be fully part of it .
I wish you both well.


I couldn’t agree more with @JoCat here, I’ve been in your position before not with Laura but with my partner before her no sex for over 2 years, it’s all the little things you do and don’t get reciprocated, but f there is no base foundation of a friendship there isn’t anything there at all, your emotion feels so raw, heart felt and painful, I really hope you get the right result out of all of this effort, I’m not saying to do this it isn’t a suggestion but if I was you which I once was I would get out of the relationship we are still very good friends we work better as friends I speak with her on the phone a couple of times a week and I’ve been with Laura for the last 18 years, all of our children love her, she currently away with my son on holiday, he’s the only Boy the rest are girls, so good things can come of a separation. But again this is what I did in this situation after 2 years of waiting for just a compliment, let alone sex, or any touching.


This is great advice, my partner always tells me making time for her and giving her my full attention makes the biggest difference which can be tough in a busy family life.

Try to have a conversation separate from your date night to talk about how you feel (good and bad) and try to make some decisions together.

Agree that things need to improve in your sex life for the benefit of your relationship and commit to working on that together.

Explain how you feel and summarise what you would like to happen to make things better, then ask your partner to explain how they feel about what you have said and really listen to his take on it.
Write down your thoughts if it helps to keep things brief and easy to explain.

Ask what he would like to happen to improve things and how he feels and really listen to his responses…
Depending on his reactions you will know how much work you have to do…

If it goes well …
try to pick a couple of actions you can work on or make a date to do something sexy that addresses both of your needs
e.g. each make a list of the things you can try to give your sex life a boost (e.g do more exercise, discuss or show each other some porn you enjoy, take some sexy pictures for each other, try sex in a new or unusual location, roleplay and dress up for each other, take an online class about BDSM, go dancing or clubbing together)
Have another chat in a couple of weeks and work out how things have gone, have you both done the things you have agreed? Set some new actions and do this again in a couple of weeks…

if talking about it is a disaster …
Calm things down and try again another time,
If your discussion ends up in an argument then counselling might help you both to break down a few barriers, if it feels difficult to navigate these conversations without people getting upset then keep revisiting your agreement that things need to improve and that you have to work on it together for your relationship to survive.
Suggesting counselling can be hurtful so you could try communicating through a mutual friend or relative who might be able to get through to your partner and help them realise how important this is to you and what is at stake.
If your relationship is at risk you want to feel like you have tried everything you can to work things out. you will learn where you stand if your partner won’t support the process …

Really wishing you all the best with everything, I’m sure you will find a path forward together and get your spark back!