How would you feel?

Off-Topic Chat
1

Hi guys,

Sorry to be the new poster here going out on a random rant, and I hope this is in the right section.

I need some help and advice. I am so upset at the moment that my mind has just given up on me and I am at a complete end on how to approach this.

I am probably one of the most chilled out guys when it comes to my wife and her friendship with men. We both understand that we love one another and that we would never overstep the boundaries of the relationship by doing anything to hurt the other person. We trust one another completely and that’s what our relationship has been since we started seeing each other. We have always told each other everything even to the point where she went out and one of her ex's tried hitting on her. It’s because of this honesty ive never worried

I have recently upgraded her phone and noticed that she has been if not a little secretive with it, when I would walk over to her the phone was always on a home screen or she would close whatever she was looking at before I got over to her and she would be "in the process" of clicking on Facebook etc.

I noticed that she had Tumblr up a few days ago and saw the screen name at the top before she quickly closed this down after realising I was behind her. I didn’t think anything of it, obviously we both have various apps and its normal for us to have completely different apps. I noticed what looked like porn and thought this was just a porn app, I have a few of them but not in the form of Tumblr. So I really didn’t mind.

But Monday I walk up to her and obviously she didn’t realise that I was walking towards her and she has Tumblr up. This time she shuts the phone off quick as she could and just hugged me. It’s completely out of character and I began to get concerned so today I googled her Screen name and Tumblr. After much searching a came across a repost from her for some guy so followed the link which took me to her page. There was nothing shocking on here, I know we both enjoy a little flirt so it was basically her saying happy to chat and flirt and enjoy my blog and what I post.

I started looking through the pages and there are various images of like subs and doms which we both love and some BDSM as well which we both love. Then I came across a picture which has really upset me.

We send pictures of one another regularly and we both love it. We know its only us that has and is going to see these pictures so there has never been any concerns. The post started out by her asking if this "Topless Tuesday" was a real thing and if it is she may join in to which a few followers replied it was completely true and has been going a while.

So later that evening as we are heading to bed she says she wants to have a very quick bath as she has had a busy day and hasn't stopped. Of course I said yes, I love cuddling up to her just after she has had a bath as her skin is warm and tacky.

What I didn't expect is her to use this opportunity to post a picture of her boobs on Tumblr. Now as innocent as that sounds I feel so betrayed by this because she has done her damnest to make sure I don’t find out what is going on here. I written an essay (as well as this one I’m sorry) telling her what I’ve found but haven’t sent this yet.

Do I confront her and tell her about how upset this has made me or do I just leave this?

The thing is if I leave it is this just going to progress to something else? Like pussy pictures or something? She has a lot of interest after posting the picture yesterday and has posted a status this morning hoping all her new followers enjoy her blog. So I think it’s the anonymous attention she has got from this that is driving her. She hates her body and feels because we are married I just tell her she’s beautiful because I have to.

Any advice is welcome because at the moment I feel like shit.

Once again, sorry for the essay I just have noone else to speak to :'(

2

You have to talk about this to her. It'll eat you up inside if you don't and might cause other problems in the relationship. It's not going to be an easy conversation, but one you have to have. Sorry. Others will be along with greater words of wisdom than these.

kitty x

3

I did think that would be the case Kitty, I found out roughly an hour and a half ago and already feel so emotionally drained. Your words have helped more than you will ever know.

Thank you

SS x

4

Hello SS, welcome.

From how you describe your relationship, it seems kinda weird that she would so carefully keep it a secret from you. That alone (if it was me) would make me wonder... "In this particular case, is there more going on than just flirting?".

Then again, it could just be that she was embarrassed about posting her boobs photo online.

Could it even be that she is being coerced into doing it in some way? If it's out of character, I mean.

I'm only throwing wild speculations out of course because I don't know you or her so it's difficult to write much.

As for how I would feel (which is what your actual question was) I've always had a fondness for the idea of being with a woman who would up to stuff behind my back, so for me I would quite like it...but that's a long and complex issue for me personally and so that answer probably doesn't help you very much.

Most important thing is, how do you feel? Not very happy, of course. She must be asked about it, of that I have no doubt.

5

Seaside Secret wrote:

I did think that would be the case Kitty, I found out roughly an hour and a half ago and already feel so emotionally drained. Your words have helped more than you will ever know.

Thank you

SS x

I'm not surprised you feel emotionally drained, I would too. I'm pleased I've helped, sure others will be able to help more. *hug*

kitty x

6

My husband doesn't know that I have this picture on here. Not sure if he'd mind or not.

7

I agree with Kitty, you really do have to talk to her about this. It won't be easy for her, because if she has confidence issues, she will probably be really embarrassed that you have found out what she has done. She may have just want to gain some confidence from other people giving her compliments, and even though this probably wasn't the best way to go about it, she was maybe to shy/embarrassed to talk to you. Just let her know how you feel, how trust is very important to you, and tell her how much you are there for her and that she can tell you anything. It won't be an easy discussion, but it does have to happen. I hope everything works out xx

8

liplocked wrote:

Hello SS, welcome.

From how you describe your relationship, it seems kinda weird that she would so carefully keep it a secret from you. That alone (if it was me) would make me wonder... "In this particular case, is there more going on than just flirting?".

Then again, it could just be that she was embarrassed about posting her boobs photo online.

Could it even be that she is being coerced into doing it in some way? If it's out of character, I mean.

I'm only throwing wild speculations out of course because I don't know you or her so it's difficult to write much.

As for how I would feel (which is what your actual question was) I've always had a fondness for the idea of being with a woman who would up to stuff behind my back, so for me I would quite like it...but that's a long and complex issue for me personally and so that answer probably doesn't help you very much.

Most important thing is, how do you feel? Not very happy, of course. She must be asked about it, of that I have no doubt.

Hello Lip & C&E,

Thank you for the kind words, I completely appreicate an outside view so its all good.

The thing is she knows that if I found out I wouldn't be happy. We were talking about Snapchat the other day and I was explaining how the guys at work have added pornstars who snap pretty much hourly, like normal she said "if you want to add them and look I really dont have a problem with it, its like live porn as long as your not snap chatting back pictures of your cock or anything because then I wouldnt be happy".

So now I feel like where has the double standards come from. I've poured my heart out and I really dont know how she will react, angry that I went looking, guilty at what i found and upset that shes hurt me but I really dont know.

She wouldnt have done this if someone had tempted her this is completely her descison which is why it has upset me so much, there is noone else to blame.

I feel awful, at first I thought is she cheating on me but I doubt that very much, now I just feel like i'm not good enough. Then my brains saying well if she has lied to you about this then what else wouldnt she lie about. SO MUCH ARGGGHHH.

I am going to confront her at lunch.

It's just manifesting in my head and making me feel sick.

SS

9

Scorpius12 wrote:

I agree with Kitty, you really do have to talk to her about this. It won't be easy for her, because if she has confidence issues, she will probably be really embarrassed that you have found out what she has done. She may have just want to gain some confidence from other people giving her compliments, and even though this probably wasn't the best way to go about it, she was maybe to shy/embarrassed to talk to you. Just let her know how you feel, how trust is very important to you, and tell her how much you are there for her and that she can tell you anything. It won't be an easy discussion, but it does have to happen. I hope everything works out xx

Thanks Scorp,

Thats the thing I dont want to make her feel bad, but i need to make her aware of how much it has upset me.

I just need to talk to her I think, just say I know what you did i'm not sure why you did it but can we discuss it.

Will let you know what happens

SS x

10

when I did what you wife is doing and was so protective of my phone I wasn't posting pics of my boobs I was having an affair...

11

Don't go straight in all accusable. Just explain what you found.
A while back I found my hubby had added some of those American women who do live videos and charge for viewings?
He had messaged one askin where to go to see her, I was furious.
Now I access his fb and delete any women I don't know.
He knows I do this and doesn't complain.

12

I think you are right PA.

I need to hear her side of the story before I jump to any conclusions, our son is only 19 weeks old and she has a daughter from a previous which fell apart because of something like this on his side.

How comes PA that he lets you control his FB but you haven't let him know about your picture?

13

Deffo talk to her id show her what you found aswell just as proof you know exactly what shes been up to

14

His fb account was set up by me.
As we're all his emails.
He's not computer savvy.
So I can access it all whenever I want.
I only took the photo yesterday and haven't had the chance to show him yet.
I will later.

15

Oh PA please don't think I was trying to dig it was just a question. I know all of her passwords to everything other than Tumblr obviously but I've always trusted her enough to not have to pry. Same with her she knows all of mine and has never had to dig.

Just feel horrible. It's not even like she's cheated on me.

16

No it's ok. When I found out what I found I wasn't prying. I simply was looking for an email that had sent to his as his email was linked to my flikr account.

17

Seaside Secret wrote:

Oh PA please don't think I was trying to dig it was just a question. I know all of her passwords to everything other than Tumblr obviously but I've always trusted her enough to not have to pry. Same with her she knows all of mine and has never had to dig.

Just feel horrible. It's not even like she's cheated on me.

You don't know that.... just saying

18

And we don't know she has yet pd x

19

pinkanimal wrote:

And we don't know she has yet pd x

I know that but no point going to talk to her thinking she has just done this and not told him because she's embarrased thats c***

SS has said they are very open and allow each other flirt so why would she need to hide it?? I think he needs to be realistic about it all...

In all honesty how many women can say I put a pic of my boobs on social media because i didnt have confidence but i was embarrased to tell you my loving husband no its called SHAME because she knows she's f***** up and been caught

20

So what does that make me then? For putting a picture on here before showing my hubby?