Morning everyone - I need some advice, serious and just generally what would you do in my situation. I have recently been chatting to a guy, who I actually kinda like. However, he has dropped the bombshell that he is currently getting treated for warts, leading me to know he's got HPV. Now I'm not totally up to date with the latest HPV chat, but I've been trying my best to Google stuff. From what I can see it's a pretty common, highly contagious STI that comes in different forms. Some leading to cancers, some don't. I understand that once you have it, it can linger for years or your immune system can seem to eliminate it after 2 years? It seems that condoms are not 100% safe, as its passed through skin to skin contact. I highly respect the guy for telling me, but it's raised some concerns. My immune system responds in very odd ways sometimes and my vajajay is super sensitive. I've never had any sort of STI so my guard is up. So my questions are, would you risk your sexual health? Am I risking it? Or am I over reacting?
I'de never risk my health. Having a heart condition I have to be careful regardless. To be brutally honest if I was in that position it would be a dealbreaker. Full respect for him to open up and tell you about it, most people would hide from it. But it would put my mind in overdrive, i'de always be worrying about it and overthinking. Just my thoughts :)
Fair play to the gent for telling you. However I wouldn't risk it. If it was something that I could protect against with a 99% of not catching it then maybe but skin to skin is unavoidable. Even if I decided to have sex and risk it it would be on my mind during sex and it would make the sex awful too.
100% with Alicia4Eva on the go talk to the GUM nurses, they do know their stuff and (in my experience) genuinely love to answer questions about and help people out with their sexual health. They will definitely know more on topic as a whole and be able to help *you* more in making a decision that you’re happy with.
Me personally I’d never risk it and would be a deal breaker for me, like many people said it’s good of him to be open and honest about it, I do agree with talking to the GUM nurses and seeing if that helps with your decision
Thanks guys - for everyone's opinion and comments. In my head, I do feel like it's a deal breaker too. However, I'm gonna speak to the gum clinic crew and see what they say!
Pretty much echoing what others have said, but massive kudos to the chap for being honest and telling you. Equal amounts to you for actually trying to gather info before making any decision.
I cant imagine it's something he goes around advertising so I would like you think the fact he has told you, means you mean something to him, or he sees the potential in both of you.
I can 100% see why people would say it's a deal breaker and part of me agrees. However I would certainly get some expert advice before you fully make a decision.
Good luck with whatever you decide, just fully think it through.
Please don't think it's because of the eww factor! I haven't wrote him off yet. He said he was concerned I'd be repulsed when he told me. I didn't feel like that at all. I just think I can be a bit of a worrier and I like to look at all angles before doing anything, hence I asked for everyone's opinions on this matter. I told him I highly respected him for being honest and I fully understand that there's some total tools out there, who would happily keep this to themselves. I've been completely honest with him how I felt when he told me, as I believe he deserves that. Getting a professional opinion is the next step, Google only helps so much!Alicia4Ever wrote:
Personally I feel that you are way under valuing this guy's honesty, because of the eeeww factor of him having an STI, people catch STI's it's a fact of life for many sexually active people, if you are going to have it's always a risk, but here you have a guy who's up front about something that many people never are. HPV is so common, and the only time it can be diagnosed is during an out break, and he's getting treatment. To be perfectly honest you could already be carrying the virus, and don't know, because it's dormant.
As I said before you could be with some guy who has and doesn't know it, or knows and keeps his mouth shut, and carries on regardless. I think I would hang on to this one for dear life, honest guy's are worth their weight in gold.
Good luck and we hope everything goes okay whatever your desicion is Chlo
I'd wait to find out more about the type of HPV he has. Then make a decision based on that.
You and your prospective partner could consider getting yourselves vaccinated. There is an adult version of the vaccine given to 12 year olds. It is called Gardasil 9. Currently it is only available privately and only to those under 45 years old. The full course is 3 injections with a total cost at Boots of £475 and at Lloyd’s of £429. The adult version of the vaccine can be given after being infected.
Although it's common not everybody is infected. Get yourself tested - it'll have to be private and at cost as far as I'm aware.
Then get vaccinated.
Then get full details off him as his treatment has progressed.
Then make the decision.
He sounds like an honest guy and they're rare enough. If he's also willing to wait I think you may have a keeper.
My friend's ex had a huge colony of warts around his anus which she only found out about when she saw him bending over in the shower. He hadn't bothered telling her (nice guy) and wasn't bothered about getting them treated. This was about 15 years ago so there weren't as many options, but still. He was dumped after they had an almighty row about him not telling her but they'd been together a few months. She was infected and developed warts several months later.
She's now going through treatment for cervical cancer. It was caught early thanks to screening but it's still not a nice thing to go through. It might have absolutely nothing to do with her infection as she was also a heavy smoker up to a few years ago and there's a link with that, too.
I'm too old for the vaccine or I'd have had it already. Your health is priceless.
I hope he's open to anything you suggest if you're still happy to carry on with the realtionship.