Humiliation

Why is it so erotic ?
I fantasise about being humiliated

I imagine that my wife , has , somehow got in touch with one of my Domme exes , and takes me to her house for "training "

I dream of being a naked house slave to my wife , in front of her friends

I long to go to a CFNM party , where the men are there to serve , and remain silent unless spoken to .
Why do I ( and many others) have these fantasies ? It doesn’t make sense, yet I love it

Any psychiatrists on here??? Lol

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Interesting one @Weeradge! I’m definitely not a psychologist so can’t offer an answer from that point of view. I have very similar fantasies but I don’t think I’d actually want to fulfill them. I’m starting to think that I’m fantasising about this as more of a voyeur than a participant. I’m not sure what kind of person that makes me?! Is this something that you would actually be interested in trying?

My other fantasies are all a bit odd too - I think a psychologist would have a field day talking to me! I seem to be really turned on by things that I’m actually scared of in real life! For example NC fantasies - I had a bad experience in the past so this makes no sense, large toys / fisting - I struggle with even small toys / fingers so again this would be my worst nightmare!

I’ll be interested to see if anyone else has any thoughts on this one.

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We are slowly moving down this route. It started almost a year ago when I began wearing a chastity cage and we are slowly moving towards a more Female Led sexual relationship.

She now has full control over my orgasms and indeed all other aspects of my sexual activities. She chooses what, if anything, I am allowed to wear in the house, she tells me to wear butt plugs and/or nipple clamps and she pegs me as she likes. There is no verbal or public humiliation just a position of constant dominance.

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So, I went and looked it up as, whilst not related to humiliation, I also have fantasies that raise conflicting feelings. There doesn’t seem to be an answer, as such, but there are quite a few questions along these lines on Quora and the responses are fascinating. A couple of interesting possibities:

“I wonder if fetishes might even start out for some people as attempts at desensitization, where they initially experimentally seek out or intentionally make themselves think about the things that disturb them the most, trying to have some sense of control over when the feelings happen, and then learn that it can feel good to experience sudden bursts of powerful emotions that would usually be negative, as long as the person feeling them chooses them and isn’t surprised by them.”

“Humiliation turns you on because it is the attention and the targeted obsession toward you or physical part of you. Although being worshiped or humiliated may sound and appear different, they are actually the same thing. Both acts require the focused attention to you or a body part of you which trigger the sensations of pleasure. The undivided attention and the interaction with the target are present in both loving and humiliating.”

Those are two that immediately jumped out as making some sort of sense and there are probably more if you go digging.

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The submissive parts of this might appeal because of the relinquishing of control. If you are someone who has to make decisions and has big responsibilities in your job / life it might be appealing to take a role where this is not expected or not allowed.

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I recently asked my oh to start taking more control in the bedroom it turns me on to think about and am interested to see where it goes

Haha dirty boy I’ve been known to like my gf saying horrible things to me to I thought I was only one who liked it lmso

I also don’t have any psychiatry training, but I’ve recently heard some pretty compelling ideas about why people are drawn to humiliation play.

The word ‘sublime’ springs to mind.
In the philosophical sense, it refers to ‘greatness beyond all possibility of calculation, measurement, or imitation’. (from Wikipedia) That is, something that we cannot comprehend through reason. A thing that might scare us, be unknown, or inspire awe.

Some people choose to immerse themselves in the sublime by contemplating the vast universe, by watching horror movies, or doing extreme sports, for example. Others confront and explore it through consensual power exchange, submitting to a trusted dominant play partner to be ‘degraded’ or ‘humiliated’ within boundaries, and with safeguards in place.

By confronting taboos, fears, and desires we don’t understand, in a safe, sane and consensual kink headspace, we‘re often choosing to work through vulnerabilities and blind-spots. To learn something new about a situation that’s unknown. To confront and question the rules we live by, and learn more about ourselves and our play partner(s).

For many, the process of submission can be a temporary release from being in control, which can be healing. It can also help build insight and psychological ‘tools’ to understand and hopefully disarm negative situations encountered in everyday life, such as coercive/ controlling behaviour.

Whether the fantasy is ever worked into something real or not, it’s completely human to be drawn to things we don’t fully understand, or even fear.

It’s fun to have naughty secrets too, of course! :sunglasses:

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I don’t know really, may be some underlying reason for it but I tend not to think too much about it. I enjoy some humiliation play with my OH (on me, not her). Normally relatively tame, collar leash play, naked whilst she’s clothed, bit of name calling. Really helps me get into the mood.

I tried gently broaching the topic with her whether she’d like to try some on her, she said she’s not that bothered so I’ll leave it.

Also tried half jokingly asked about a golden shower (normally when she’s too tired to go to the loo) - she declined this advance though and when I said I was only joking she said no you’re not :joy: busted. Suspect this would be a fantasy v reality situation anyway.

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Wish I could help out. I do have a counseling degree but this is really dependent on many things. If I was counseling you, my first question would be to ask you what you think the reason is. Also, I’d ask if you to answer several questions to peel the layers back. Like, What would happen if you did this? Then, I’d ask you then what would happen? and so on until you got to the base need.

I’d probably have you go down that same path with what might be wrong with doing this?

There’s nothing wrong with a fantasy per se, it’s whether someone gets hurt if you decide to act it out.

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You got me thinking now .
I often think that our sexual preferences are tied to what gave us our first " inklings" ?
I think I’ve always been aware of women’s sexual power over men.
I know I’m generalising, but i honesty believe that if a single man goes a long time with no sex , it’s probably because he can’t find a woman who wants him .
If a single woman goes without sex , it’s because she can’t find anyone she likes .
As I say it’s a generalisation , and I dare say there are many exceptions.
Bottom line tho , women do have sexual power over men , and I think I have always been aware of that and have always felt a bit guilty about it

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I’m not sure I really agree with this one, sorry! I don’t mean this in a critical way but thought it was worth the conversation. A man can just as easily say no to a woman. As a woman, I can find a man I like and who also likes me but they can still say that they don’t want to have sex especially if I have a higher sex drive than the man. In our relationship, I have the higher sex drive, and I’m almost always keen to have sex whenever he wants to but also I have to be understanding of the fact that there are many times where I’m in the mood and he really isn’t! Not sure if that’s what you mean entirely though!?

I think our preferences may be linked in part to early experiences in some cases. In other cases it might be to do with our character, but that in turn is partly genetic and partly to do with environmental input. I’m just thinking aloud now so might not be making any sense! :thinking:

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Good points.
Despite men being able to say “no " , I suspect it is rare . The only time I said “no” was due to guilt ( I was married ) . She couldn’t belive it , but respected me for being loyal to my wife . ( a month later I gave in , but that’s another story)
I remember , I was working in a night club, and there was a female stripper. She had the men in a trance. I was working , so was able to watch as an " outsider” . She got the new to make fools of themselves . She just oozed power.
I have the impression , that a male stripper merely amuses the ( female ) audience , without , necessarily, having any sexual power over them .
Likewise, I can’t imagine any woman being as sexualy interested in me , as I was in them
As I’ve got older ,and my sex drive has dwindled, I’ve been able to step back and bit and observe things.
I now find sex interesting , rather than "sexual, if you see what I mean …
I best get off the couch now lol

I can’t say I’m big on humiliation, but then there are aspects I like. As my wife and I have a solid basis on mutual respect, we tend to steer clear of anything harsher than “b*tch” for our play, and then only occasionally and usually aimed at me when I’m subbing ofc.

As for the rest; I very much enjoy the CFNM with the two of us, with a cage-collar combo to give her a visual treat beyond mere nakedness. I suppose “bratty slave” is the best fit, although I wouldn’t partake when company is about; it’s an intimacy we share with ourselves, although I wouldn’t say no to her BFF joining her if she were to ask it of me one day…!

As to why? I couldn’t say. There are theories that men in high-responsibility positions (judges, etc.) are particularly drawn to it for the release of not having to make any life-death decisions and provides them with a balance. For myself, I would say that it’s my way of giving back to my wife in an equal manner; being the major breadwinner and therefore the financial dominant, this provides me with the balance that she controls something substantial in our marriage. Same for the pegging, really: she has been the receiver for so many years, so why not be the receiver for a change, and balance the bedroom books? Marriages are give AND take, so to me it makes perfect sense in a consensual, loving relationship.

Paging Dr. Freud…! :slight_smile:

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My OH likes a bit of humiliation and it turns me on that she does, I am trying to get better but my problem is (as my OH said) I’m too nice :joy_cat::man_shrugging::man_facepalming:

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