I crave, I NEED

Sex Tips & Talk
1

Hey everyone, tis me again :') before you read this I'm going to add a trigger warning for abuse. Just because I don't want anyone to be reminded of anything that has happened to them as a reality. What I write about here. Is my kinks and fetishes. I just really don't want anyone to be hurt by this.

I don't really think this needs a new thread. But I am craving punishment. I am craving been bruised and consensually abused. I need it so bad. I was in hardcore bdsm relationship a long while back and my current partner (who I love with my life) isn't giving me the beatings I desire. I want to be punished and bow down at his feet and give him my full self and vulnerability. But the issue is. I live with my older brothers. And he lives with his parents and money is so damn tight we can't move out or afford a hotel for the night. I want to be left with bruises with my blood rushing to the surface on my bottom.
I need it, because... well it will knock me down a few levels and I won't be such a... well a b*tch haha! (Obviously I will need some well deserved and long aftercare) but I crave the punishment and tears so bad.

What do I do!?!

2

I enjoy this kind of thing too, but just like your partner, mine isn't into it as much as me either...

You could always try camping somewhere you know is going to be private? Or abandon buildings. Other than that, I can't think of much else. You could always ask close friends if you could borrow their house, but not sure on how likely that'd be, ahaa.

3

TickleMeTots wrote:

I enjoy this kind of thing too, but just like your partner, mine isn't into it as much as me either...

You could always try camping somewhere you know is going to be private? Or abandon buildings. Other than that, I can't think of much else. You could always ask close friends if you could borrow their house, but not sure on how likely that'd be, ahaa.

I didn't even think about that. we love camping and we are both fascinated by abandoned buildings. That's such a great idea! :3
4

I don't know whether I am qualified to comment, as the desires you express are not any that I have encountered in my partners, and I don't think its in my nature to be capable of abuse, albeit consensual.

I am in no way judgemental, but even within the standards of this forum the scenarios outlined seem pretty extreme.

My concern would be whether it would be possible to keep such extreme desires from bleeding into your everyday life and not consuming it.

I imagine that along with physical reminders there will be psychological effects. I realise that you have experienced these in the past and have enjoyed the experience, but is it not difficult to keep the abuse purely sexual?

Again I have zero experience in these desires and behaviours and I am sure there are plenty of folks here who can give a more balanced view.

5

If she gets off on it then it is sexual, and I'm pretty certain there'll be no bad psychological effects as it's for her enjoyment. If she continues when maybe she starts to dislike it, then yeah that could end up badly, but as this currently isn't the case and both partners enjoy it, it's 100% ok.

I'd link an artical about the like to sexual desires mix with pain & pleasure, but I'm not sure if it'd be against LH rules.

'Safe, Sane & Consensual' - Lacy Green (Love her ♥ ♥ ♥)

6

TickleMeTots wrote:

I'd link an artical about the like to sexual desires mix with pain & pleasure, but I'm not sure if it'd be against LH rules.

I'd be interested to see that link, pls.

7

These desires are 100 percent sexual. I do not in any way shape or form condone violence or abuse in every day life. In fact it I think it is very wrong. I only crave them feelings sexually. I guess I'm just a huge sadist and masochistic?

I use safe words in case it gets too much, and I get well deserved after treatment. I would never bring these kinks into every day life. Ever!

And if I decided one day I didn't like it. I would make it known. And it would stop As much as I desired. Plus, my partner isn't as into it as much as me, so he doesn't go the full 100 on it. I don't know why I get these feelings or want it so badly. But I do. I guess that makes me odd?

8

You're not odd at all, Drury. As long as you crave and enjoy it it's fine. I'm a sub male, craving the same things from my wife and have been so for several years now. I love when she cock cages me, makes me service her in all ways she wants to, punish me by spanking and beating me and then pamper me.

In the same way as you, my OH isn't 100 into this, she does it because I ask for it. This also means that she would stop if I wish to. We are also using safe words - the colour scheme - so I don't see anything wrong in this. And I know we're not the only ones.

9

drurysl02 wrote:

These desires are 100 percent sexual. I do not in any way shape or form condone violence or abuse in every day life. In fact it I think it is very wrong. I only crave them feelings sexually. I guess I'm just a huge sadist and masochistic?

I use safe words in case it gets too much, and I get well deserved after treatment. I would never bring these kinks into every day life. Ever!

And if I decided one day I didn't like it. I would make it known. And it would stop As much as I desired. Plus, my partner isn't as into it as much as me, so he doesn't go the full 100 on it. I don't know why I get these feelings or want it so badly. But I do. I guess that makes me odd?

It doesn't make you odd at all, lots and lots of people have feelings like you do, that they explore to a certain degree.

I completely get where you are coming from and I know sometimes it can be hard when you have desires you can't action. Do you never get times when one of your houses is empty? Even if it's only for an hour or so?

Or do you enjoy anything else that he could maybe do for you that might calm the desire slightly but not be quite as noisy? For example some nice tight nipple clamps, and so rough nipple play, or maybe some hot wax? Rather depends on whether it's the act of beating you vrace, or the pain I guess. I know neither of those suggestions would be as intense, but they might just take the edge of the intense wanting a little.

Plus you could still still kneel at his feet, and open yourself up to him and have that side of things, just with different actions following.

xxx

10

If I was you being in the situation , I would try and get as many weekends away.

It sounds as though you want the exterme end of impact play. It also comes accross that no amounts of spanking by hand is going to satisfy you. Perhaps you need to invest in something like a cane but make sure you OH knows or learns how to use one . The action tends to be in the wrist and not the arm . Its probably also one of the quietest implements to use .Probably a good book on spanking and caning will also be a good idea perhaps before buying the cane .You may also need to communicate with your OH as well and talk about these desires , other wise he may be reluctant to "punish you" as I was when I first spanked my OH .

Another good tip is to make sure you have your own First Aid kit on stand by just in case .

11

John, I'm glad it's not just me and people aren't thinking that I am completely bonkers!

LadyS I am currently saving up for a decent set of clamps. As the ones I have used in the past just don't do it for me :') I have got a beautiful bondage candle from lovehoney that I really love. But my partner isn't all that into it :( although I think he is coming to stay here tomorrow which should be fun. as a paddle i ordered arrives tomorrow! And a tester item arrives today :3 I might set everything up in my room light a few candles. Get the bondage candle burning a little for the wax to be poured on my butt :') hopefully we will have an hour or two to have spankings and some beatings :3

12

mysteron wrote:

If I was you being in the situation , I would try and get as many weekends away.

It sounds as though you want the exterme end of impact play. It also comes accross that no amounts of spanking by hand is going to satisfy you. Perhaps you need to invest in something like a cane but make sure you OH knows or learns how to use one . The action tends to be in the wrist and not the arm . Its probably also one of the quietest implements to use .Probably a good book on spanking and caning will also be a good idea perhaps before buying the cane .You may also need to communicate with your OH as well and talk about these desires , other wise he may be reluctant to "punish you" as I was when I first spanked my OH .

Another good tip is to make sure you have your own First Aid kit on stand by just in case .

Yeah, weekends away are something we are saving up for too :3 as it is definitely in the extreme department of what I like. Funnily enough I have got a cane although a 1/4 of it has snapped off Sadly. I also have a tickler and floggers. I know how to use them, but I will have to give my OH some lessons in it I think :3
13

drurysl02 wrote:

John, I'm glad it's not just me and people aren't thinking that I am completely bonkers!

LadyS I am currently saving up for a decent set of clamps. As the ones I have used in the past just don't do it for me :') I have got a beautiful bondage candle from lovehoney that I really love. But my partner isn't all that into it :( although I think he is coming to stay here tomorrow which should be fun. as a paddle i ordered arrives tomorrow! And a tester item arrives today :3 I might set everything up in my room light a few candles. Get the bondage candle burning a little for the wax to be poured on my butt :') hopefully we will have an hour or two to have spankings and some beatings :3

I don't think you are bonkers either. As long as you follow the golden rules ie Safe( safe words) ,consensual , legal and both adult, you will be fine .

14

macspants wrote:

I don't know whether I am qualified to comment, as the desires you express are not any that I have encountered in my partners, and I don't think its in my nature to be capable of abuse, albeit consensual.

I am in no way judgemental, but even within the standards of this forum the scenarios outlined seem pretty extreme.

My concern would be whether it would be possible to keep such extreme desires from bleeding into your everyday life and not consuming it.

I imagine that along with physical reminders there will be psychological effects. I realise that you have experienced these in the past and have enjoyed the experience, but is it not difficult to keep the abuse purely sexual?

Again I have zero experience in these desires and behaviours and I am sure there are plenty of folks here who can give a more balanced view.

Lots and lots of people engage in similar activities and when done within the context of a safe, sane and consenual BDSM relationship or exchange then actually it is in my experience more likely to enhance the rest of someones life not bleed into it and harm it in anyway. For me it is actually a way for me to truly let go, be free and afterwards I always feel a lot better. But I'm a Masochist and I enjoy the pain, it gives me a sexual, phyiscal and emotional high.

However that said it's only enjoyable with the right person, and again most people who are into anything like this only go into it with someone they trust 100%, due to the nature of the activities that wish to engage in.

This isn't abuse in the sense of how you may be envisaging it, when it's part of your sexual desires it becomes part of sexual activity too. So I would often engage in forms of foreplay prior to a beating, then afterwards there would be kissing and cuddles, which then in turn leads to stuff getting steamy. So it's not a case of someone just dishing out physical abuse and leaving you to it. There's aftercare and support, and having someone provide this desire for you is very intimate.

Also I don't think it is that extreme within the context of this site, however maybe the wording may be a little different to what we normally see. We have lots of people on this site who are into floggers, paddles, canes, bare hand spanking, to a certain degree this is what they are into, whether they are a total beginner and just want a few taps to those of use who have an arsenal of implements with which to be hit. It's just different ends of the same scale i think.

I think it's also worth noting that I think with the BDSM community a lot of words are used that with the context of a BDSM scene or relationship take on an altered meaning, I know I now use words that prior to getting into BDSM I would have never used with regards to my sexual enjoyment for example, used, abused, various derogatory names etc. But when the time is right and you have the right partner suddenly they come with a whole new world of enjoyment.

Admittedly this isn't going to be for everybody, but it is definitely enjoyed by lots of people safely and without causing harm to their lives xx

15

Don't you worry about that Mysteron! We are both adults and legal, we use the colour scheme system for safe words like John. And we go up to where we both enjoy it. I love light bdsm as much as extreme. Just lately I want more extremism! But if my OH isn't happy causing that mucpain or damage then I will let him do it to his extent. I don't want him to feel uncomfortable or pressured as I know he hates to hurt me. X

16

I hope you will have a nice time, drurys, and enjoy! My wife is coming on Saturday and staying for a week - imagine how much I long for some disciplinary lessons!!

17

LadyS wrote:

macspants wrote:

I don't know whether I am qualified to comment, as the desires you express are not any that I have encountered in my partners, and I don't think its in my nature to be capable of abuse, albeit consensual.

I am in no way judgemental, but even within the standards of this forum the scenarios outlined seem pretty extreme.

My concern would be whether it would be possible to keep such extreme desires from bleeding into your everyday life and not consuming it.

I imagine that along with physical reminders there will be psychological effects. I realise that you have experienced these in the past and have enjoyed the experience, but is it not difficult to keep the abuse purely sexual?

Again I have zero experience in these desires and behaviours and I am sure there are plenty of folks here who can give a more balanced view.

Lots and lots of people engage in similar activities and when done within the context of a safe, sane and consenual BDSM relationship or exchange then actually it is in my experience more likely to enhance the rest of someones life not bleed into it and harm it in anyway. For me it is actually a way for me to truly let go, be free and afterwards I always feel a lot better. But I'm a Masochist and I enjoy the pain, it gives me a sexual, phyiscal and emotional high.

However that said it's only enjoyable with the right person, and again most people who are into anything like this only go into it with someone they trust 100%, due to the nature of the activities that wish to engage in.

This isn't abuse in the sense of how you may be envisaging it, when it's part of your sexual desires it becomes part of sexual activity too. So I would often engage in forms of foreplay prior to a beating, then afterwards there would be kissing and cuddles, which then in turn leads to stuff getting steamy. So it's not a case of someone just dishing out physical abuse and leaving you to it. There's aftercare and support, and having someone provide this desire for you is very intimate.

Also I don't think it is that extreme within the context of this site, however maybe the wording may be a little different to what we normally see. We have lots of people on this site who are into floggers, paddles, canes, bare hand spanking, to a certain degree this is what they are into, whether they are a total beginner and just want a few taps to those of use who have an arsenal of implements with which to be hit. It's just different ends of the same scale i think.

I think it's also worth noting that I think with the BDSM community a lot of words are used that with the context of a BDSM scene or relationship take on an altered meaning, I know I now use words that prior to getting into BDSM I would have never used with regards to my sexual enjoyment for example, used, abused, various derogatory names etc. But when the time is right and you have the right partner suddenly they come with a whole new world of enjoyment.

Admittedly this isn't going to be for everybody, but it is definitely enjoyed by lots of people safely and without causing harm to their lives xx

This is why I added a trigger warning at the beginning as the terms I use are quite degrading etc. But I like that. But you have explained all of this beautifully. I don't think I could have put it any better :) I am a masochistic female and It is incredibly intimate and also helps you trust your partner a lot more. Thank you for explaining this to people!
18

Sometimes I know just how you feel.

19

AsYouWish! wrote:

Sometimes I know just how you feel.

It can be frustrating but I enjoy everything less extreme all the same!
20

I am getting more and more into it. I certainly crave kinkiness and I seem to want more all the time.