Through the wife I found out that our married friends have abandoned contraception, not because they're trying to conceive or having a sexless marriage, but they've just given up intercourse but still do everything else. I think it was quite a rare event and they couldn't find a method that worked with both of them.
I'm sure it's not the first time I've heard of this and if I think about me and wife, then we probably only end up with intercourse about a third or quarter of the times we make love.
I've always been fascinated by what people think when they say "have sex". Do they (like Bill Clinton) literally mean have vaginal intercourse? (Which is obviously not going to happen in a single-sex relationship!) Or is it anything goes? For me, I think if there's more than one person involved (even over the phone/skype) and there's at least one orgasm, then I'd count that as having sex.
Of course, with something like 40% of women being able to orgasm through pentration alone, you'd hope people were being inventive :-)
What do you think? Does intercourse = sex? Or do you have a broader view? Or if the session doesn't end in intercourse, no matter who comes when, do you feel cheated?
We have had this debate many times in the Lovehoney offices - and we've just started arguing again! Haha,
Basically we have never agreed on this topic - and I don't think we ever will! I remember once telling a friend I'd not slept with my partner yet. Her response was 'but you had oral right? So you've had sex!'.
It's a tricky one - I think for me it's 'sex' when there's penetration, but for other acts I'd call it oral sex or phone sex - so I guess I'm contradicting myself there as I'm calling it sex!
I think it's one of those things where I actually don't know what my own opinion is!!!
It's also tricky because not all sexual relationships can involve penetration via the vagina and the penis, or even stimulation to their genitals at all.
When I have disabled clients for sex education as well as escorting, I've found that with some the mental side is what they see as sex, not which body parts are involved.
But I agree with Lucy, it varies a lot from person to person, as well as situation.
For me personally, the actual meaning of words is quite important, so I see sex as meaning intercourse, meaning traditional penile penetration of vagina.
However, sex is something we do very irregularly, and I think the last time my wife and I had penetrative sex was in October.
However, we have sexy time and kinky time and Mistress time, which covers all other types of sin, and these happen much more frequently
Maybe it's more that people use the word 'sex' as shorthand for different things? For some it's short for sexual intercourse, for others it's short for sexual activity? Probably more that I'm not thinking of too.
I would define sex as any type of penetration. I wouldn't say that sex is simply a penis in a vagina, because I would consider anal sex as 'sex' too. I would consider oral sex, and other types of activities as foreplay. I suppose it is just all down to personal preference, and what you consider it to be. Saying that, I generally say that we have 'sex' every day, but we don't when I think about it, because sometimes it's not full penetration.
This has boggled my mind! I'd never thought about it before, but now it's really got me pondering!!!
This has really got me thinking. I would consider vaginal or anal penetration as sex however, as Lady Ness said some people can't have penetrative sex and they have sex in their own chosen way. I would class oral sex and foreplay as more of a form of sexual contact. But I suppose it's more to do with "what gets you going".
I think what constitutes 'sex' can be very subjective and varies from person to person..
Having suffered from vaginismus for many years, me and my partner engaged in a lot of 'outercourse' which we also considered to be sex.
Ironically now that I actually can have penetrative sex my definition of what counts as 'sex' has become even more ambiguous and open to discussion.
I like to think that sex can include whathever the people engaging in the act are happy to define it as. Some people see sex as penetration, clear-and-simple, but others see every aspect of foreplay and beyond as part of the umbrella term of sex. It really does vary.
Then, of course, there's the debate of terms--'eg. sexual behaviour vs. sexual activity, sexual penetration vs. sexual intercourse, etc.--which also plays a part in what people might categorise as sex.
All in all I think it's fair to say that, no matter what people personally define sex as, one thing is clear--'sex' can sometimes get messy.
I also think sex is penetration, not if you touch someones private bits, or snog someone or sleep naked next to each other (come on we were all young once)
Can't quote your post rose hip. But your right. I posted my original comment as a straight man but gay/bi woman have sex too. But would that not include penetration of some kind too?
Can't quote your post rose hip. But your right. I posted my original comment as a straight man but gay/bi woman have sex too. But would that not include penetration of some kind too?
Possibly but not necessarily. Would you only call it sex if they were using a dildo? Fingering a g-spot?
Would you call those same things sex for a straight couple?
I wouldn't regard the above as sex in a straight relationship. In a lesbian relationship wher 'natural' penetration Isn't possible then I guess the definition (or at least my definition) of what is sex is altered. To be honest rosehip I didn't even consider lesbian sex when I answered the original post. I just answered it in the context of my own relationship. I'm sure a gay/bi woman would have a different answer.
Im not a penis/vagina = sex only person. Neither, I'm sure are the people who posted similar responses to mine.
I also think sex is penetration, not if you touch someones private bits, or snog someone or sleep naked next to each other (come on we were all young once)
I completely get that, and I must say that I didn't consider that option when I thought about it. I just think that how a person describes sex is down to them. As a straight female if I was to engage in oral with my partner I wouldn't say that we had sex.
I think we could go round in circles with this debate, but it just boils down to individual circumstances and interpretation.
I wouldn't regard the above as sex in a straight relationship. In a lesbian relationship wher 'natural' penetration Isn't possible then I guess the definition (or at least my definition) of what is sex is altered.
What about for a bisexual woman then? Is cunnilingus sex when she's with a woman, but not sex when she's with a man?
Everyone's welcome to join in, btw. The back and forth of trying to tease this out doesn't have to be limited to Ron and myself. It will be more interesting if we get more participation.