Intimidated by your lovers sex past?

Sex Tips & Talk
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Hi all,

Do you feel any regret about knowing your partners sexual past? Or are you happy with it or something else?

I’m in a relationship for almost 8yrs. Last year I asked her about her sex-past. She knows mine for years, which is almost nothing.

I found it funny that she didn’t want to talk about it. I have asked for it for a month and she started to tell me about it…

The funny thing was, she stretched it over a period of two weeks, as everyday she came with a new adventure. She had done a lot of things.

It took me almost 6 months to let it go. To accept it. To deal with it. I have been comparing myself day in, day out. I was already insecure, but then… pfff…

I told her it was okay and I was not after her in a bad way. I was just curious and I found out. She could write a book about what she did. But good for her. At least she had it… with me it would be impossible. So I was truly happy for her.

Now, because of her past, I found out about the existence of so many things, things I couldn’t ever imagine. And I started looking for it… out of curiosity. She made me curious with her past.

So.. at one point I was jealous. I compared myself with her ex lovers. I felt tiny as an atom. But after a while it switched to being curious. Not for the practical part… but theoretical. Now I know about how you can have sex in different positions, different locations, how to play, etc etc. It’s just in my head now, and that’s more than okay.

Only thing I found difficult… was the fact she said she loved sex with me the most. With me she had the best sex ever. Until today I’m not able to believe her. I think she said it to protect me. I think she said it to protect herself as well… because now it’s all very safe and comfortable.

So yeah… it was a lesson but an eyeopener as well. Did I regret it…? No. Am I happy with the knowledge…? No. But it brought me here… talking about it. So, maybe I am thankful?

Anyways… how about you? Any regrets? Any questions left? Anything at all about his/her past?

Enjoy your evening/day..

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8 years is not a short relationship. If she was unhappy, she would have left.

One of my partners has quite a past and at first, it made me feel a bit insecure too. But it goes beyond that, and I really see how much I mean to him. It’s not just about sex; it’als about the connection you have.

That might be what makes it so special for her too :slightly_smiling_face:

Also, both of the girls my husband was with before me had more boyfriends than I’ve had. The fact he says I’m both the coolest and the wildest/most fun? I’ll take that :grin: sexual experience doesn’t mean anything if you treat your partner like crap :slightly_smiling_face:

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No not intimidated at all. Been married nearly 40 years and together about 42 years since hubby was 21 and i was 25. I know his past and he knows mine but there is nothing in either of our past sex lives that we are uncomfortable with. Hubby knows my first boyfriend was large but he also knows the pain it caused me so nothing to be jealous of.

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I think I’ve been my lovers biggest (very thick with an even thicker glans). Two lovers and had their ex’s had longer (but skinny dicks) So I left it up to them when they said I was bigger (I guess they like girth more than length. Several have been size queens openly discussing their rejection of ‘small’ hung guys. No intimidation here

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I had a mad time with different women through my early twenties, especially when I wasn’t in a relationship, I was a bit of a slag as my wife likes to call me.:rofl:. However she’s not phased by my previous antics as she knows I was always faithful to my ex’s. Besides it’s all history. She knows everything about me.
I’ve asked her about her previous experiences and she counted on one hand how many sexual relationships she’s had. I don’t know what she got up to or anything like that. Do I want to know? Im not all that fussed to be honest. The main thing is I’m with her, I love her, she loves me and we’re solid. We have an amazing sex life, she’s happy with my size and what I can do with my hands and tongue. That’s alls that matters to me.

My point being history is history, don’t let it get to you. She’s with you and that’s all that matters. If you let it intimidate you or make you jealous, you’ll end up losing the person you probably love the most.

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My OH is the only sexual partner i have had, where as she has had a few before me. It does sit with me sometimes, i may have been a little jelous in the early days and i do think about what it could be like to have a sexual encounter with another person. At the end of the day though what my wife and I have built and learnt together has been amazing and our love for each other continues to grow, so I wouldnt see it anyother way.

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My husband and I don’t really go into details about our past, but we know enough about each other and we are comfortable with that. I don’t really feel like I need to compare him to anyone because he’s my all time favorite and that’s why he’s my husband. I get very jealous at the idea of him being with anyone else, so I prefer not to know all the details of his youth, and vice versa.

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Me and my OH have spoken about pasts quite a lot at the start. Anything that happened prior is history to me. Exs are that, for a good reason.

I guarantee you if she wasn’t happy, you would know after 8 years together. If she says, she loves sex with you the most and its the best, I’d take her word - keep in mind, being adventurous doesn’t mean its the best or even great sex for that matter.

I had a feeling there was something on your chest when you joined and even deeper than your OP but didn’t feel it was right saying anything.

I’m glad its out in the open. I hope you get the advice & it helps you greatly @Some-no-one :blush:

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Not worried about the other halfs past. In fact, it turns me on to hear her tell me about it and leads to great sex.

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Thank you… :blush: I feel better already… :blush:

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We have never discussed our past we met when we were 21/22 and have been together over 40 years, what ever happened in the very early years up until we were together never been asked /discussed.

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I know everything, in minute detail (and if you read my blog, you’ll know some of it too). I feel it is important to know what happened before to understand each other, and I have to admit I get really turned on hearing about his exploits in the past and telling him mine.

I don’t have regret, I don’t get jealous. I just get horny and in need of an orgasm or three.

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I love this comment!

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Partner is way more experienced than I am and I probably don’t know the half of what she has done or with how many.
It did eat away at me for a while when I first found out but have come to terms with it now and happy and no longer an issue.

Lovehoney has come to the rescue with many things to keep us both happy and fulfilled.

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You have told us somethings about both of your past relationships / experiences and they such great reading. @KinkyMira

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I like to think no one existed before me :joy: but of course my husband had the audacity to have sex with other people, so for that reason I dont ask! Only time it would really come up is if we were trying something, like we got a cock-ring, I’d not used one with any exs and I asked had he used one before? No, so that was my answer without asking too much. He would ask me sometimes about stuff but interestingly its only about the act, never about a particular ex.

It can be difficult to feel insecure, but as others have said after 8yrs there’d be an issue by now if something was wrong. I guarantee its the connection that means more than anything to her, she only has that with you.

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We are all adults and as such have to realise that water has passed under the bridge. Thise experiences have built us up into what we are today.

In our case, we have both had two previous physical partners and have occasionally mentioned them but it doesn’t have much bearing.

Does anyone really know everything about their partner, in fact does it even matter ?

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We know each others pasts but not in massive detail. We know numbers, rough timelines, relationships vs casuals. Neither of us are in contact with any former partners whatsoever, we agreed early on that we’d both be uncomfortable with that.

We both know that neither of us has been excessively promiscuous, STI free, never done any porn or any kind of sex work etc that could have come back to haunt us or our kids later on.

That’s enough for us. 23 years happily married.

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The key thing to remember is that whatever their sex history, they have chosen to be with you. 8 years is a long time.

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