Introducing kink to a relationship


My boyfriend and I have been going steady for a while, I have no issuses regarding sex in our relationship, however I do want to introduce a bit of spice. Before I met my boyfreind I was always turned on by the idea of light BDSM, (spanking, flogging, cuffs, nipple clamps). How can ask him to spank me, I don't know how to form my words/ or pick a right time to tell him, or should I order some stuff from LH and tell him to use it on me, and then explain its something I want, tell him that if it hurts ill use a safe word, because my boyfriend is the type of guy who is afraid of hurting me.

Also what sort of things can an BDSM aprehsive man do to me to begin with.

The movie secretary is a good film and could lead a discussion. It has some spanking scenes in it. If you can't speak to him directly about it you could always write a letter or an e mail saying that you would like to try something new. With an email you could include some links to spanking guides for beginners ( if you've done some research) so that he can learn some techniques.

Many people who are in the dominant role struggle with the pain/pleasure concept at the start and its really up to you to show and reassure him that you like it. As with any BDSM play the key is communication

A fun way of introducing it, for me anyway, would be to play truth or dare or 'would you ever' with your partner. As for things to start with, just some gentle biting and spanking then maybe work up to using paddles or crops? Hope this helps a little... I was pretty lucky that my partner and I both knew we were into BDSM before we even started dating.

I was looking at some BDSM board games, or maybe i should tease and coax him to try and start spanking me, e.g tie him up, and tease him and ask him to punish the tease

This is fun:

Not too scary, but lots of possibilities...!

I think the only way to get it into your relationship is to talk, tease, hint, suggest, tell and keep doing so until he engages in a conversation about what you both like, your fantasies and how he feels about it.

One of the things we did in the early days after a semi alcohol fuelled conversation was to write down 5 things each that the other person wanted to do or be done to them and we spent an evening drawing them out at random.

From memory most of mine were either roleplay or spanking related and most of my wifes involved being submissive in the bedroom..................Bingo :-)

Perhaps you could start reading a BDSM novel. If you start with 50 Shades of Grey, which seems to be more publicly acceptable than some of the others, you could start talking to him about some of the scenes. That should help spark some conversation about it.

It seems like he'll need quite a lot of reassurance, so communication is key. Also, taking about it could get him a little hot under the collar ;). As chunkyg suggested, you should both write down what you'd like and don't like, and also any good feelings or concerns you have about it. Then swap them and talk about each point. That really helped me and my fiance.

The first step is always the hardest. I used to be the timid guy who was unsure of hurting, but after a lot of practice and plenty of uses of the safe word, we've found a happy balance.

I told my boyfriend when he was horny. I was surprised when he even said yes to pegging! i then asked him when he wasn't horny thinking he would be embarrassed & regret saying yes but nope, he was being serious! we discussed it, what we wanted to do. Then after bdsm we talk about what we like & didn't like. So far he's like it all. Worst thing your bf can do is say no :).

I think the best way to go about it is being honest, theres a lot of trust involved in bdsm, it is quite scary telling your partner at first, I was worried about my boyfriend thinking it was weird (I really shouldn't of). I can't even remember how I told him it was kind of a mix between me hinting at it during sex and then he kind of just knew. Luckily he likes it just as much as me so I'd just tell him!
As for what to start of with, I think we just started off with tying my hands behind my back, then using a gag, I've got a full bondage set now with everything included. We were really excited about restraining me and using a magic wand.
Good luck :) xx

Do you sext ? I am with a guy who is opened minded but not done very much of kink when we were texting one day we were being rude so I was txting what I woulld like to do and just see how he response to it it worked for us and it open more of a conversation when he came home and lead to more fun