Is he bored of me?

Helloooo ^_^

So, I'm a little worried. My best friend and I have always been attracted to one another from day 1, we waited 2 years before taking the next step and having sex and have been since April this year. We have sex once a week where I go to his and we order takeout, spoon watch movies, jst hang out and have sex, he was away for 3 months and we skyped everyday and spent the weekend he came back together plus we see each other everyday at uni. Now the other night we never had sex, we were close a few times but he never went further even when I tried initiating it, I joked that I was proud he resisted me & he replied with 'it was hard, I can't wait much longer' as I left his baring in mind we stayed up until 9am talking & when we fell asleep he held me into his chest and wouldn't let me go.

Is this just an off day where he wasn't in the mood (part of me thinks it was) or is he getting bored of me, we aren't in a relationship as we don't want it getting in the way of uni and he told me we are exclusive and that he cares too much about me, am I just being silly and insecure? Xx

Maybe he's trying to take the emphasis off sex so you don't end up feeling used? It sounds like he's still in to you. I'd doubt he's bored, from what you've said he was really affectionate. In my experience bored men distance, not cuddle :)

poppycat wrote:

Maybe he's trying to take the emphasis off sex so you don't end up feeling used?

That did cross my mind, especially as I have a few people telling me he uses me to which he gets angry at & had assured me he isn't but doesn't want to make us official. He's been more affectionate recently, we lay in bed all night constantly touching be it playing with each others hair, rubbing one anothers back or giving massages or he tends to lie down on me so his head is on my chest and will occassionally kiss my forehead. I know I'm being silly but I just don't understand why we basically act like a couple but don't make it official and that's what makes me feel a little used xx

If anything it sounds like he's more interested in you? Maybe something has clicked in him and he wants to be more like a boyfriend to you. If his feelings towards you are developing he might be holding back on the sex until he feels brave enough to make it official.

Like poppycat said, bored men don't cuddle!

Why don't you try talking about the future and if there is an us in it?

Tbh he sounds lovely. Maybe he resisted you to see if you change how you are with him, if he isn't putting out. You might feel used not making it official, but he might feel the same.

MissNoir wrote:

poppycat wrote:

Maybe he's trying to take the emphasis off sex so you don't end up feeling used?

That did cross my mind, especially as I have a few people telling me he uses me to which he gets angry at & had assured me he isn't but doesn't want to make us official. He's been more affectionate recently, we lay in bed all night constantly touching be it playing with each others hair, rubbing one anothers back or giving massages or he tends to lie down on me so his head is on my chest and will occassionally kiss my forehead. I know I'm being silly but I just don't understand why we basically act like a couple but don't make it official and that's what makes me feel a little used xx

Have you considered that he is trying to move your relationship to the next more seriouse level, without upsetting you if it's not what you want, and without making himself feel vulnerable. It sounds like he is moving towards a more loving, more seriouse relationship, that is less sex orientated.

Would you be happy with that. Us women are terrible at needing to label things, like my boyfriend, and men are terrible at accepting the labelling, they fear commitment (I know not all men do but I think most). My OH and I have lived together for 11years and been engaged for 1, but he will not set a date to get married. We are very much together but he fears the husband and wife labels.

Talk to him, but be encouraging and apreciative of his afection, don't feel insecure. It doesn't sound like he is getting bored of you at all.

I agree with the above posters just talk to him.

A lot of us guys arn't sex machines whereby someone just presses a switch and then" wam bam thank you mam " We have feelings too.

IMO I think he is developing a fondness for you and I thinks its up to you to try and nurture it and perhaps form a relationship .

I dont think you have a problem there, it sounds like just an off-day. I have them where cuddling is all i want etc.

Dont worry yourself :)

I think he is far from bored. The fact he held you close and didnt want to let go says to me is he very into you and trusts you enough to let himself get so close.

May be something is on his mind and he has looked to you for comfort and security.

Speak to himabout it, but please dont accuse him of going off you just because he didn't have sex! Chances are, he is more into you than ever now

Just Jenson wrote:

I think he is far from bored. The fact he held you close and didnt want to let go says to me is he very into you and trusts you enough to let himself get so close.

May be something is on his mind and he has looked to you for comfort and security.

Speak to himabout it, but please dont accuse him of going off you just because he didn't have sex! Chances are, he is more into you than ever now

+1

Hun....you have a fella hook line and sinker!
When you find your man caressing and stroking and cuddling you with the intensity it sounds like..you know he is really into you.
My experience of men is that it is rare to find that balance between pure sexy passion and sensuous loving.
I currently feel my partner is that rare combination.. And I feel totally lost in love with him.
We do make love a lot...but we also find ourselves lost in just being cuddly and sensual a lot of the time.
I think this is what separates him from any of my past men...I see pure love and I feel loved.
One night of no sex but intimacy... Is where you find things are getting to become real and deep.
Love him and cherish him.😘😘😘😘

As has been said above, if he's with you cuddling till 9 in the morning then it sounds like he's totally the opposite of bored.

Enjoy!

Thank you everyone for your advice ^_^ I appreciate it

I'm just always worried about losing him because he means the world to me & was the first ever friend I made in my life. He's moulded me into the confident strong woman I am today but I always have this fear he'll find someone better or get tired of me because I am different. I have tried speaking to him about things but he closes up and goes quiet, he's mentioned how he'd like children and that I'd make a good mother and he opens up about what's on his mind/goals/fears.

Reading this over I sound quite selfish, it's not that I'm annoyed we didn't have sex it's the only way I feel powerful & can express my emotion (I'm currently in counselling dealing with this) so I felt slightly rejected but I know it's not me deep down, he can be hard to read and like I said opens up sometimes. The connection between us is overwhelming, I never thought I'd feel this way about someone and it makes it better because he's my best friend. Thank you again for your advice guys, means alot xx

You sound a bit like my Mrs used to be .a tad insecure perhaps?

Try other things apart from sex. I am perhaps a bit old fashioned but why not go out for a romantic meal and play footsie under the table . Subject to weather practicalities , wear a nice dress for him ie dress to impress. .

A trtip to the cinema again you can do sneaky touches or cuddle up without anyone else seeing. If you can't read him as for wanting sex, let him make the first move .

But cuddling is an excelent way to tell each other that you still care about each other. In existing relationships its probably isn't done enough and that is were boredom and taking someone for granted can set in .Some of the problems I have seen on here in the past could have been avoided if more interaction such as cudddling had been done in the first place .

Enjoy your mutual company and carry on cuddling !

After reading ur comments and everyone else I think this is guy likes you a lot and maybe the reason he holds you and talks about his dreams and goals. Talking about having kids one day and you being a good mother is maybe his way of bringing up the subject of you being together all the time and seeing what your going to say back to him. Guess you both need to have a talk if that the way you both feel then go for it.

I like your suggestion mysteron, we have went out a few times, out for breakfast/dinner and drinks and we were fine, I'm into my fashion so I wear dresses, tight skirts, jeans every week, normally he makes the first move but waits for me to say it can go further.

I know I'm being sily, he is a genuinely nice guy & has always been there for me no matter what, like I said I worry I'll lose him & am a little insecure about this.

Thanks for your help everyone! ^_^ xx

As a guy if you have to make the first move and do the majority of the effort most of the time it can get a little tiring after a while, maybe he just needs some spoiling and you to take advantage of him every now and then?

Sounds like he wanted to be affectionate rather than just 'hopping on the good foot and doing the 'bad' thing!'

If that's the case, he may be more into you than just as FwB, so perhaps he's feeling the waters at trying to move into more boyfriend/girlfriend territory.

good luck and enjoy the cuddles!

Now this is from a man's view
He aint bored of you
He aint having an off day
He just wants to sleep in the same bed and just hold yo,why do women think something is wrong
just cause he does not want to jump your bones
Just enjoy what you have and he does not view you as a pure sex object x