Is it selfish to buy yourself toys

Hi all,
What are your thoughts on this? I bought a Womanizer for my wife as her first sex toy but she tried it once and it didn’t do much for her so it’s been left in the drawer. She is not really into using toys but I on the other hand have quite a few and enjoy using them.

So my question is, is it selfish for me to continue buying toys for myself if my wife doesn’t want them? Thinking along the lines that some can be expensive and this money could be spent on other things or saved for a ‘rainy day’…



If I want a particular toy I show her and, if necessary, explain my reasoning. She has never said no yet and on a few occasions has actually bought the toy for my birthday, Christmas or Father’s Day.

I do the same for her on these occasions too.

Additionally we both enjoy watching each other use toys either singly or together so each of us having our own toys is an essential part of our enjoyment of each other.


Some partners might find it selfish, but I don’t think it’s a healthy reasoning as it’s sometimes based on self worth issues, jealousy,…

Having your own toys can be very not selfish, like me having my toys allow me to satisfy myself (at least physically) while my partner doesn’t want to do things with me, so it can reduce frustration, I get less upset about not convincing them (I can’t and I shouldn’t), so it leaves them time to reconnect with their sex drive without feeling like I’m deprived


Not at all selfish if it’s something you like to do, some people enjoy buying clothes while others get toys!


I don’t think it’s selfish as such. If they are for your use only and you aren’t pushing her into using them with you then they aren’t really much different from any other personal item.

If you have the disposable income and it isn’t impacting her (and ideally she has her own disposable income, regardless of if she actually spends it), then I don’t see it as a problem. It is probably worth telling her that you enjoy toys and so are buying them for you so that she doesn’t find out and think you are hiding things from her though


Some might find it selfish, but me personally I don’t.

I have toys that I use solo, and toys that he will use on me during our sessions. He really isn’t into toy’s, he has a few strokers that I will use on him occasionally (but he has to be in the mood for them) but he doesn’t use them solo.

I’m happy with my toy collection at the moment, so I’m not buying anything.
But financially, it all on depends on what’s coming in and what’s going out.
We both have our incomes, and the only time his is used, is if he buys me something for my birthday or Christmas.


It’s generally not advised to buy toys for a partner who you haven’t talked to about it first, I would suggest getting toys for yourself to use and not try to gift people things they don’t want.

I would probably talk to your wife about your budget, and sex life, and whatever else, if you have shared finances.

Selfish, I don’t think so at all, it’s like buying anything else you’d get use and/or pleasure from.

Whether it is right, obv only you and your wife can answer that, in terms of how you both manage finances etc.,
If she has no issues with your toy collection and the money is available not a problem - unless of course by spending it on toys means she’s missing out on things.
Of course, like anything, there’s always the ‘within reason’ thing… if you’re getting in debt or saving nothing at all yet have a Red Room full of toys for yourself, that could be considered selfish :man_shrugging:

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Thanks @rockstar that sounds like you have discussed it a lot with your OH.

No it isnt.

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Thanks @Cuberdon that makes a lot of sense.

Yes true @AJSTAR thanks :+1:t2:

Thanks @Calie no I haven’t been pushing her into using them. We tried using them together once but I could tell she didn’t get much enjoyment from it.

We both have enough disposable income to cover luxury items so that shouldn’t be an issue but is a good point.

Thanks @Dirty-Wife it just shows how we are all different and have different likes and dislikes. I now always stop to think before I buy new toys to see if it’s something I really need or can I make the most of the toys I already have.

We did choose the Womanizer together so it was not a surprise gift but turned out afterwards she doesn’t really seem to want to keep trying with it.

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Thanks @Mr_Kink1 for your comments. It’s not got to that stage thank goodness. I don’t have that many toys in the grand scheme of things but like most people probably, go through phases of buying things which may or may not get used much.

Aye indeed mate, I love the excitement of buying and trying new things myself, it’s that buzz around the unknown.
I think it can make it feel a little selfish and self-indulgent, some feelings of guilt around it.
Have to say that’s still an ambition of mine, having a dedicated kink room. Maybe a little further down the line perhaps :slight_smile:

Always good to remain curious around this stuff though, and hope you enjoy the next purchase

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As ever, communication is key. What might work for some might not work for others. Personally, I don’t think it’s selfish at all.


Sounds like a good ambition to have. Would enjoy a dedicated play room and we did both watch How to build a sex room so never say never. Thanks and good luck with your kink room.

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Definitely not!! We started with a vibrating cock ring, still have it and use it all the time. It was an ideal first toy as we could use it together, maybe try one of these.

It didn’t take long before we got confident and started to buying more toys! We now have the cock ring, a rotating g spot rabbit, a magic wand and placed an order just yesterday for the deal of the day the Desire Luxury Rechargeable Rabbit Vibrator some hand cuffs and lube!! Very excited but should have been delivered to day but no show!!!