Is someone's voice a dealbreaker? Advice please

I have recently started talking to this guy who I met on Tinder and we have surprisingly so many interest and likes in common. (I talk to guys quite alot this way but most don’t go anywhere or we have little to no shared interests).

We both have a similar education background, both have slightly older parents, both have cats, live in the same area, and have similar goals for our future.

We both have the same fav movie (pirates of the Caribbean), the same fav drink (rum), the same fav restaurant (Wagamama), and soooo many more just like this. It acc got to a point where we thought it was kinda weird how much we had in common.

After I matched with him and talked to him on tinder we then exchanged instagrams and snapchats. I had a look at all of his photos and found him very attractive.

It wasn’t until recently that we decided to FaceTime and get to know each other more. He was well dresses, looked hot just like in his photos, but their was one thing that kinda put me off.

His voice…

I am personally very attracted to deep, slightly older, ‘manly’ sounding voices. His voice wasn’t high but defiantly not as low as most men and didn’t fit what I usually find the most attractive.

He is such a nice person and we share so many interests but I can’t get over the voice thing and I don’t want to sound dramatic but I’m not sure if I could listen to him speak for a long period of time without getting little annoyed.

Do you think this is a deal breaker for me or am I overreacting and throwing something potential great away.

I am going to meet up with him early this week to see if we get on in person (I usually do this early on when texting someone new as I think it’s really important to establish if you get on in person as most people are very different on text). I want to hopefully see if meeting him will give me a different view on him, but thought I could come on here and maybe get some advice.

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That did make me chuckle I think it’s just an age thing, we used to just swap phone numbers.
Re the voice, we all sound a bit different on the phone if you are happy to meet in a public place make your decision once you have heard him speak in person.


Hey Soph,

I’m rubbish at advice but the voice is just such an underrated aspect of sex appeal. For me, it is one of the sexiest things. Maybe not a deal breaker, but definitely a deal maker. With some partners I’ve struggled to concentrate on what they are saying not because my mind is elsewhere but because it its totally focused on the sound of their voice.

Enjoy some katsu and a couple of Havana Clubs at the Cornerhouse and see how it goes. If it works out , great, but if not don’t feel guilty if the voice is a deal breaker.

The right voice melts me


Give the guy a go, as @DanceswithPenguins says, in person his voice might not bother you as much. If it does, take Sheldon’s approach :joy:


The voice thing will sort itself out one way or the other: you’ll either get used to it or you won’t, but…

Me too. This is creeping me out far more than whether or not you might like his voice.

Think back… When the two of you were talking on Tinder, was he volunteering those facts about his background, favourite things etc., or was it more a case of you telling him your story and him reflecting it back at you? I’m probably being over-cautious, but y’know…


@PleasureDrone were we separated at birth?
I was thinking exactly that.
That much in common is a little freaky.
@Sophie01 was it a case of “I have a cat”
. Him “me too!”?
When it comes to the voice just keep an open mind. Someone I used to work with had a first date with a guy with a rather feminine voice (nothing wrong with that) that she found off-putting.
She ended up married to him.


Voices, like regional accents can be dealbreakers for some and unimportant to others.

It’s unlikely to ever change so it’ll come down to your personal viewpoint on it. Only you can decide on that I’m afraid.

Good luck. :wink:

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I am very pleased you have found someone, I am not surprised as you are beautiful in all of your images as far as I can see. Being of the older generation Tinder etc is an unknown to me but from what I have read my concerns would be the same as @PleasureDrone and @Mrs.John. I think you are going to have to meet him (make sure in a very public place) and get him to talk you will then be able to access his voice and get an impression of him /background. His voice could be a deal breaker but I think you need to meet first. (please take care and don’t rush things) Please ask again and keep us updated.


Just give it a whurl, you never know… It could be a dodgey mic on his phone

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I’d say meet him in person and then decide. Most people sound way different on the phone. For me personally, I don’t care about voice. Yes deep voices are nice but it doesn’t matter to me. As long as I can understand them, I am fine with it. I feel like you are overreacting a bit in my personal opinion and you need to be more mature and understanding that not all males have deep voices. If I was you I’d definitely claim him immediately, he sounds like a really good guy. The decision is up to you though but I’d say give this guy a chance despite his voice.

This made me laugh.

Well to be honest, after a few years he will do your head in regardless of his voice :rofl:


I’m assuming the facetime chats are via a phone or laptop with tinny little speakers? Give the guy the benefit of hearing his voice in real life, it will sound very different. If you get on so well, with so many shared interests and there’s physical attraction, would you spoil all that cos his voice is not a deep as some men?


This made me think of David Beckham, there was always lots of discussion in the media regarding his voice not being very manly. I hope the date goes well and the voice is less noticeable in person. I don’t think this would be a deal-breaker for me but we are all different.


C’mon Soph, own up… It’s Joe Pasquale innit. :wink:


Accent would be a deal breaker for me. Don’t know if pitch would be, I mean, unless it was sitcom ridiculous :joy:


I’d meet him and see if it still bothers you in person, get to know him and see how you feel. If someone’s voice is one of the main things that you look for in a guy then I wouldn’t feel bad about it if it is a deal breaker for you. If you don’t feel attracted to him then you don’t feel attracted to him. It doesn’t matter what the reason is, you can’t make yourself feel something that you don’t. You might find that, as you get to know him, there is something else about him that you find exciting and the voice stops being an issue but if that doesn’t happen, don’t feel bad about it. If you have loads in common then it might be that you just become good friends.

As others have said, I’d make sure you meet him somewhere public and tell a friend where you are going and preferably check in with them at some point to let them know you’re ok. I might be a bit old fashioned (i’m only in my early 30’s honest!) but I’d be wary of meeting people who I’ve only known online, best to be safe!


Just because somebody likes the same film and drink as you doesn’t mean you’re compatible. There are literally tens of thousands of people who will also like pirates of the carribean and rum!

I find it interesting in these forums about what certain people think is real compatibility :joy: essentially somebody’s voice (like any other attribute) is only a deal breaker if you decide it is, or isn’t. But don’t conflate favourite film / drink / whatever with compatibility because it really isn’t.

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Peoples voices shouldn’t have to be a deal breaker but I know when it’s down to sexual attraction it can play a big part in how we are attracted to another person as it all adds to the overall experience.

I’d suggest see how you feel after meeting him and think on it. Don’t feel ashamed if you then decide it’s something you can’t live with as long as you are kind and let him down gently without making him feel it’s all because of his voice as you don’t want to give him a complex over it :relieved:

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Looks like a lot of people have made good comments. We all sound different on the phone or when being recorded so you may meet him and not even notice his voice.

I would be cautious Over the things in common as like others have said is it him just mirroring you because he thinks that will get him somewhere. If you go out with him a few times you will work these things out.

Maybe head to Wagamama’s and then for some rum alcohol all makes the truth come out :wink:


You’ve been watching too much of Derren Brown :rofl:
It is a good point raised, I was wondering if that was the case but then read that everything else he said was factual.