Awk I’m really sorry to read that, it does sound like as hard as it is, its the right decision for you both.
There is a lot of peace to be found being with your self, its not such a bad place to be.
Be kind to yourself.
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All the best
Good luck and all the best for you both
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@Mr_Kink1 you absolute warrior. This is probably the most mature post I have ever seen on this forum.
To recognise that despite the love you have for eachother that the relationship is not going the way you would want is huge.
Working on yourself is both scary and rewarding.
My situation is rather different. We were leading very separate lives, I was very anxious and depressed for years (didnt even care enough about myself to realise hating myself wasn’t normal). I kidded myself that because I self medicated with sex that we were still connected.
We both deserve to be happy, and I am already happier and treating myself better (no depression and only low level anxiety now).
The disconnection is odd its like my nervous system misses him (me not so much). But I know this will get better.
Please consider staying with a name change. I honestly don’t know what I would have done without forum support during this time. X
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Sad to hear @Mr_Kink1
Wishing you all the best. These things take time, and the journey has turbulence!
Good luck with this fork in the road. One day at a time, as you say.
Not easy, but ultimately, could be all for the best. You may be a much happier person down the road due to a courageous change.
Big respect to you 
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All the best @Mr_Kink1, take some time to heal.
Hope to have you back on the forum when you are ready.
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Thank you for your kind words, and I have to say I took a lot of strength from your previous post around your circumstances, gave me plenty to reflect upon.
I’ve spent a lot of time working on myself, and I have to say the situation is very surreal. I owe Mrs_K more than she can imagine, as without her I am sure I would have relapsed in one way or another.
She of course will minimize that, it is all down to me - yes, me not picking up was my choice, but it was only possible with the love, support and security she gave me.
We love each other unconditionally, defense mechanisms have kicked in though due to differences and it has changed to a love of friendship, she is my best friend.
I feel like a lost child at the moment, full of fear, love, loneliness, confusion, yet we’re still talking together lots so element of avoidance going on and all sorts.
The Monster keeps trying to tell me I’m no better than the arses that have used, hurt and abused her before casting her aside. The hero in me wants to fix her past, take that pain away from her and for her to find the happiness she truly deserves.
Exactly how to move forward in terms of the grievance process is something that is quite unclear for me right now. I don’t want her to be battling her demons by herself, and more worried for her than myself (there’s my Hero again), as I have an incredible support network (yet feel so alone), and all her family are in Wales many hours away.
We both want to remain friends, we have been through so much together and still a lot of love between us, but as I say, how we move forward to find that acceptance and closure is a bit of a mystery. Maybe we have to bite the bullet for a period of time with no contact, cut ties for a while. It really scares me I’ll be losing my best friend along with the relationship - but I guess that may just be part of the decision made to end things.
Lots for me to look at in terms of myself, a lot of pain to go through I think, but through pain we grow.
I think I may well stick around in someway, maybe a change of name (yet that feels like I’d be hiding something) - it may be something that helps to move forward and deal with those feelings as they happen. I’
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@Mr_Kink1 sorry to read this mon,you look after yourself and as others have said consider a name change and stay with us, i know the forum has helped me immensely over the years.
Whichever path you choose take care.
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@Mr_Kink1 that all is so familiar to me.
My ex was my best friend, my rock is how I used to describe him. I care about him and want nothing but the best for him. But our relationship had been dead for many years, I just didn’t want to see it. Its quite scary how I had convinced myself that I / we were ok when it was quiet the opposite. Because we never argued and had loads of sex I decided that was enough.
I am actually grateful that he finally spoke up, otherwise I would still be stuck terribly anxious, depressed, OCD and self hating.
I insisted we have as little contact as possible for now (he sees our Son several times a week). After all it is a break up. Whilst he was popping in and out and hugging me etc it was impossible for me to start becoming the woman I should be.
Please consider counselling if thats an option. Or atleast keep talking to trusted people x
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@Mr_Kink1 Sorry for your struggles . I wish you both luck and the strength to pull through this to be able to enjoy life to the fullest .
Just be kind to yourself
Wishing you all the best , you seems sensible and know your own mind. You talk and share your mind which is quality In it’s self.
Take care and look after yourself 
Yes, and I think that is something that we might need to do for a short while. I find the idea of her dealing with stuff by herself very unsettling, so I will stress to her that I am here if she needs me.
I think we both know that we’re doing the right thing, we were certainly put in each others path for a purpose, and hope that we will have a good friendship on the other side. Of course, time will tell, I am not into future telling anymore.
Yes, I am seeing a counsellor myself, just become a qualified counsellor, and starting more studying tomorrow continuing my own journey around that. I also have my recovery meetings too, support everywhere I look, yet Little Mr Kink is blind to it, feels very insecure and unloved (unlovable), regardless of the evidence that slaps me in the face. Lots of work for me to reacquaint properly with little me, and really get to the heart of my insecurities. My quest for self-love and authenticity continues, with it I expect plenty of pain, healing and growth.
It’s quite amazing looking over the time we have had together, and how much we have both grown and changed (she doesn’t quite recognise her own growth but that’s neither here nor there).
There’s not an option to tag all people that have replied on this post, but thank you all of you for your comments and thoughts. I am incredibly grateful, and although Mrs K is not seeing them (although possible she is as knows my account on here), I hope she is also feeling the love and support from you all and others close to her.
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Just caught up with this, and it touched me, sometimes I feel due to my past, that hubby stays to protect me, and not want to leave me high and dry.
I love that you know your relationship wasn’t going in the right direction anymore, I think that is the hardest part to deal with.
Please consider staying, I left and I was so alone, isolated, having no friends or family, my only outlet was my camming, and that wasn’t real life, this place was where I needed to be.
Keep talking, and addressing each others feels and needs, so important when moving forward x
L xx
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Take care Mr Kink and be kind to yourself. Hope you start to feel different after taking some time to heal, grief is awful just take things day by day it’s all u can do.
Just remember talking is also an outlet of trying to heal so make sure u do have someone u can talk freely with.
Remember to take care of yourself too, @Mr_Kink1, definitely takes time to work on self-love, but it will be absolutely essential to your healing.
Whether you choose to stick around or come back to the forum at a later time, we’ll all still be right here to support you 
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Thank you for your message.
Unfortunately for me I need to be true to myself, and on a quest to find authenticity. It is not right for me to stay in a relationship when we both want and need different things from life. Ultimately it becomes toxic, and that isn’t fair for me or for Mrs Kink.
Ultimately she was trying to change things about herself to make me happy and address my needs. That is not fair. That’s not me devaluing myself, but I should be happy in the relationship with who she is.
I want her to be herself, not who I want her to be. It is different if she is changing something for herself, then that is different.
Changing self for others though, that is not right, it’s not good for the soul.
There is a lot more to it which is not fair for me to go into on her part, but I think co-dependency elements on my side of trying to fix and manage things when it really isn’t my place to.
By ending things now between us means we are amicable, we are still best friends. It is surreal as we are both more worried about the other in terms of how we are coping.
We spoke last night for a while. Our feelings are still there for each other, we both love each other dearly, and we aim to remain good friends. However, we do need time to grieve and process, accept that things between us have changed. So we are having some time of not talking for now, unless either of us is really struggling. I am sure we will check in with one another now and then and in time we will work out what friendship between us looks like.
This way we are still able to be part of each others lives. Things are not right for us now, at this moment. Who knows what the future holds, other than I have more work to do with myself to understand what is going on for me around stuff.
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Thank you Mr Val.
I’m not into future telling, but I plan to use this year as some time for myself. I need to look at and build my relationship with me.
Yep, who knows what might happen in the future, I am open minded. I know very much me and Mrs Kink were put in each others paths for a purpose. Whether that is done with, or how things might change, only time will tell.
For now, I need to focus on myself, sit with feelings, and not act out on any of my stupid defective thinking. I know if I did I would be in an even worse place of hurt, and I have the tools and support to make sure I don’t do anything stupid.
I echo @The_Little_Ladybird, your posts are mature and insightful.
I respect how you both know that you’re no longer on the same path and that you’re both willing to say that and care for each other.
Too many people stay out of convenience and because its easier than having the conversation and going it alone. Your respect for each other is commendable, and not at all surprising to be honest. I would expect nothing less from you.
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