Take your time with it, we’re always tweaking and adjusting our set-up. It’s something only hubby can do but communication is important, right? 
1 Like
Sounds like you’ve had a metamorphosis type transition here and this is all good as it’ll help you to discover more about who you are as a person.
It also sounds like it’ll be good for your friends too as maybe they was indeed relying on you to fulfill their requirements in a relationship and now it’s basically just them having to meet their own relationship goal!
Hope this new chapter goes well for you 
1 Like
Topped from the bottom, never heard it phrased this way, but it’s spot on!
Been in a couple of D/s relationships where I was the dom (and as people have said, it wasn’t all whips and chains and latex all the time, but her still being a sub), but this was during the session only. And on occasion, via naughty texts, descriptions, phone calls, etc when we were away from each other.
In my mind, it was she always had the power, as she was the one who could halt it at any point, safe word agreed beforehand (obviously this was completely fine with zero issue from me, and thinking back this only ever happened one time - we resolved it straight away, dropping character, being there for her).
So maybe not quite topping from the bottom, but it did make me smile thinking back and how apt it a phrase it is!
2 Likes
Good men can be hard to find. But they do exist.
Best of luck moving forward, and high fives for finding the strength to take the steps to do so. 
2 Likes
That’s not topping from the bottom, that’s a healthy, kinky relationship. Topping from the bottom is if she tells you what you should do to her, or acts up so you punish her etc.
When things go awry, it’s absolutely vital that you can talk as equals 
3 Likes
Ah, cool. Thanks, I appreciate the clarification! 
2 Likes
Yeah I just felt like a light switch stuck in the on postion all the time. I felt the pressure to perform even if they didn’t really pressure me. They’re into that stuff full tilt 24/7. I’m just tired, just damn tired.
3 Likes
I guess I never even realized it. I mean I can be bossy but I’m not so dominant that I was able to fully dominate them. I was definitely letting them suggest or get me to do certain things to them. They had the easy job and somehow I overlooked it. Is that an example of gaslighting? They had me think I’m the dominatrix when in reality, I was the slave? That’s a crazy thought lol.
I just want to be seduced by a man, maybe have some plain ol missionary sex and watch some TV afterwards lol. I like women too but men are …well ya know.
2 Likes
I get you, and yes, I can’t stand performative BDSM for that same reason – it becomes less about who you are but how you act, always being “on”. Even if they didn’t actually pressure you (that’s good), there is still an expectationn that you’ll be “on”, and that alone adds pressure. It was one of the reasons I couldn’t do 24/7 either – humans are nuanced, sometimes I just needed to clock off and be Elena lol.
I also think it’s quite telling for how little interest they had in you as a person. You told them you couldn’t do it anynore and they seemingly didn’t care to understand your feelings, they just sort of went “meh, okay”. I may be misreading that, but I know from another relationship how it feels to be the fantasy, not the person, and it’s very uncomfortable. He wanted me to perform submission for him but I wasn’t feeling it. He cheated on me anyway lol.
1 Like
I wouldn’t say it’s gaslighting, no, but it does sound like they had high expectations of you and they were topping from the bottom (in a bad way). It’s not bad for a submissive to communicate activities they would like to try, but to tell you what to do (unless it’s to order a Dominant to make you caffeinated beverages, because we submissives deserve to be treated like royalty 
)? Nope.
And I get it, sometimes you don’t want all the bells and whistles, sometimes you want just plain ol’ sex and snuggles. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that, and I hope you find it soon
1 Like