Kinky question

I've noticed while having sex sometimes, my other half, while running his hands over my body, pinching my nipples etc, will let his hand go up to my neck and just grip it slightly. I've found it an amazing turn-on, because oof two things really, I think I like things rougher than he would be willing to give me, and also because it makes me feel very submissive. But does anyone with similar kink experience think this might mean he wants to take things a bit rougher too...? I was actually quite surprised myself when he did it!

Don't get me wrong, it's not like we aren't quite kinky already, we've done lots of spanking (with paddle too, but I like his hands), anal, a little tying up... But I would love more things that make me more helpless like him holding me down, etc. When we discussed it before he didn't really like anything that made it seem like I was being forced. I on the other hand find that rather delightful... but I haven't pushed the point.

I'm sure I'll ask him, but wondered if anyone with similar kinks had any thoughts... I didn't want to ask him outside of sex because he might not even have realised he was doing it, and might end up feeling bad about it!

Perhaps you can modify the words you're using so that you can express the ideas you both like to him in words which attract him, rather than repel him.

In your post, you used words like "helpless" and "forced". I know that as a top myself, those words often put me off because I feel that my bottom is trying to pass the buck for their desires. I feel like they're trying to get me to "make" them do things which they really want to do anyhow, but which they don't have the balls to admit, acknowledge or own. I'm sure you didn't mean this when you spoke with your partner, but still, it shows how differently the same words can be felt depending on who you ask. In my experience, words are so very important, and even if you both like an idea, one word can just blow it simply because it's a word which one of you responds to differently.

I prefer words which indicate to me that my bottom is taking responsibility for their desires, and offering me something, rather than taking. Perhaps if you used words like "restrained" and "controlled" instead, that might attract him more to the ideas you have in mind? Have a poke through a thesaurus to see if you can find some words which work well for both of you.

Also, I think that discussing this topic outside the bedroom is an absolutely splendid idea. :)

Good luck! :)

Yeah, deffo get a safe word or we'll be hearing about the 'Scunthorpe Strangler' in the Sun!!!!

I keep getting told off pulling the missus hair (not TOO hard) sometimes it just happens & it's a bit of a buzz.

I have had my hands round the wifes throat a few times... she burnt my chips & spilled my beer.... KIDDING!!!!! seriously, sometimes things get a bit fruity & hands & arms fly all over, I suspose it stems back to the hunter gatherer in us all, a mini secret power trip. Never tried the strangling bit...yet. We've been married 7 years so it'll only be a matter of time! haha!

Oh yeah I some times get a bit too carried away smacking her ass during doggy or anal. She often gets me back during a BJ! haha!

Perhaps just say somethng like " I love it when you touch my neck like that, it makes me feel like you're in control".

My hubby knows not to go near my neck or my feet especially, if he put his hand on my throat I would seriously freak out. Yet I love my hair to be pulled and to be spanked and bitten really quite hard, I even like him biting my neck but I have a serious phobia about not being able to breathe, so anything around my neck, even a tight jumper, is a no no.

I agree that the "being forced" bit would be a turn off to most people, there is definitely a difference between wanting to be controlled and wanting someone to to do things to you regardless of whether you, or they, like it or not.

Now I've had quite a full on experience of being almost totally restrained during lovemaking, I'm not even sure I want to go there again, I didn't get what I thought I would out of it and it did get pretty rough, I wouldn't have known how to stop him if he'd gone too far ( although very unlikey) and he would have been devastated if he had hurt me - there were a couple of times where I did struggle to get free and probably would have panicked if he'd have carried on for much longer. I was getting angry with him because I couldn't move much and his mouth was just hovered above mine , barely kissing me and I suppose I just wanted the reassurance of a real kiss.

If I'm honest, when he stopped pinning me down I was relieved.

I wasn't expecting him to do it and I do wish I'd had an indication of what he had planned, even though I'd been telling him that's what I wanted for weeks - mixed messages or what?

I tend to put my left arm behind Mrs T's head and then reach round to tweak her right nipple. I say tweak which sounds a tad animalistic, what l really mean is lazy circlings followed by tweaks and pulls of varying intennsitiesThis brings my left elbow across her neck/throat, and l can vary the pressure at will, this seems to have the desired effect more times than not. She does like her hair being pulled though.

TB

how about adding a few more bondage type items to the mix - this will show him that you are into it and maybe a little easier to satrt off with then using his own hands to pin you down so to speak - be more like play and less like he is doing something he shouldnt be.

Nexas wrote:

Like Carly said, if he's started trying things like that of his own accord, just try easing him into other things. Or ask in a different way. Lubyanka is definitely the expert on expressions etc.

Nexas, you smooth talker, you. :) :)

Nexas wrote:

Actually at the time I was really rather failing at expressing myself LOL But you do have an immense appreciation for, for lack of a better term, bedroom psychology? LOL

Heh, if that was a failure, then I really like your failures a lot! Thank you, and more please. :p

Perhaps my appreciation of bedroom psychology has such scope because I know a basic but unfortunately frequently overlooked tenet very well - which is that most of bedroom psychology starts and finishes in ways unrelated to the bedroom. :)

Thank you for the morale boost, and also for the smile I got from the morale boost. :)

Nexas wrote:

Lubyanka wrote:

Heh, if that was a failure, then I really like your failures a lot! Thank you, and more please. :p

Perhaps my appreciation of bedroom psychology has such scope because I know a basic but unfortunately frequently overlooked tenet very well - which is that most of bedroom psychology starts and finishes in ways unrelated to the bedroom. :)

That much is definitely true! But it's little things that get overlooked that you seem to catch. I mean, a lot of the stuff in your blog isn't to my tastes, but I find it fascinating the language you use and conditioning etc.

And there are plenty more coming, don't worry at all! ;-)

Possibly I catch the stuff others miss because I maintain a zero tolerance policy for the little discourtesies. I find that if I query those when they happen, the big ones never seem to come up somehow. You know how you can end up in an unexpected humungous conflict with somebody, and in the middle of it you're asking yourself, "Where did this come from"? Well, in my experience, the little discourtesies, even if they aren't particularly troublesome in and of themselves, tend to indicate some potential conflicts which if left unchallenged, can lead to those huge rows which seem to sneak up out of nowhere. So those are the signposts for me which tell me that something's up. Maybe letting things slide is why so many others miss those little warning signs.

Heheh, first I'm thinking "Ooooh, I catch all the leftovers that people overlook!", and then I'm thinking, "Oh, crap, Nexas thinks parts of my blog suck, oh NOEZ!!!", and then I'm thinking, "Oh, whoops, there go my issues again, never mind..." ;)

If parts of my blog can suck (I totally know that I completely invented you saying that) and I can still be fabulous, then your failures can rock and you can have loads of them and still be tasty. :)

As far as I'm concerned, if your "failures" include saying nice stuff about me, then that's the kind of failure I'm delighted to support and encourage. So there. :D

The Mutual Appreciation Society is now in session! *bangs dildo-shaped gavel*

Yay, result, thank you, so there, yay! :) :) :)

And I can understand that for some people (strange, perverse people), sushi just doesn't do anything for them.

Weird, I know. :p

A bit of rough and tumble is perfectly normal and very fun!

I love a bit of this

If you haven't already asked him about this, since this post is from May, I'd suggest that the next time he does something like this, you moan and say things to make him realise how much it turns him on. You could even ask him to do it again if he grips and then stops or say 'harder' or whatever. Alternatively, try asking him about it away from the bedroom despite your fears. Just let him know it's fine that he does it and that you like it. Communication (and safety!) is the key :-D

Hope noone minds if I *bump* this.

Last night I was feeling a little sorry for myself and was going on about some thing to do with mine and WandA's relationship. He listened and was attentive then, to change the subject, grabbed my throat (firmly but gently) and indicated him taking charge.

Now a quick disclaimer - we have experimented with throat play to a lesser extent previously and I have indicated that I enjoy it, I also trust WandA more than completely.

I have quite recently discovered hat I am submissive, I adore relinquishing my control to WandA and the throat play we have experimented with has never quite been "enough"...well last night, he grabbed my throat more firmly than he ever has before and it really turned me on, I was wet within moments (which rarely happens due to my pill) and desperate to be used by him....we went on to have amazing oral sex and he ordered me to use a vibe on myself. WandA took more control than usual and he seemed so much more dominant than he is usually comfortable with.

I'd be interested to know how many other people are into this kind of thing and what feelings are at play with it?

I *think* for me it's a thing about being used to make my wonderful man feel amazing and a feeling of being forced into enjoyment.

I *think* for WandA it's mainly about my enjoyment.....he said afterwards that last night was a "treat" for me to up for missing out over the last few days (womanhood grrr!) so I'm sure he mainly does it for me.

I'd be interested to know what others' feel are their reasons for enjoying play like this as I never expected I'd be into something like this, I've suprised myself and I'm not really 100% sure why I enjoy it so much! Or if you don't enjoy this kind of thing, what is it that puts you off?

Ax

Not at all andaw, i like this thread :)

Me and the OH do this quite often. I love it when he puts his hand around my neck. he knows how firm to be by my responce. I tilt my head back as if to surrender to him.

I think I wrote on another thread recently about buying a collar. I always thought of them as having a lead attached but I saw a bondage clip on porn hub and I loved the look of it. The woman was wearing a collar with a strap down her back wich bound her wrists behind her. He was doing her doggy style withe her face on the bed then grabbed the strap from her collar and pulled her up. It turned me on so much that i felt a bit shocked how kinky i am. My OH is up for trying anything i want to try and i trust him completly.

Last night actually he covered my mouth and nose with his hand and that was quite a a turn on too, im even considering a gag.

I love this! Now my OH is quite reluctant with this kind of play because I think he thinks he's forcing me and he's not. I tried not to push th subect with him and let him do it when he's ready.

Sometimes when we're in bed and he's running his hands over my body they sometimes wander up to my throat....he'll grip very lightly and only for a few seconds and guage my reaction. It turns me on soooo much, I wish he'd carry on sometimes but I think he's uncomfortable with it. I would like a new gag but I know that's a definate no no. Sometimes, he'll put his hand over my mouth, which I love! It makes me feel like he's in control and there's nothing I can do about anything and yet feel completely safe at the same time.

My ideal night would be for him to tie me to the bed, blindfold me, do all this kind of play complete with nipple clamps, hot wax, butt plug, vibe and clit clamp! I know what you mean Puppies, i'v shocked myself with how kinky I am! lol

xx

SN - I tended to push my neck harder into his hands, with time he's taken the hint .

I shocked myself by wanting him to do it so firmly that I struggled to swallow/breath but it's just that thing of being "used".

I'm not sure I'd like having my mouth covered as I'd feel claustraphobic but the idea is such a turn on!

Puppies that collar and doggy style sounds amazing! Not sure I like the idea of a collar in itself but in that kind of play it might be fun!

I do shock myself - I always thought I was a traditional, missionary kind of girl haha!

Ax

Haha nothing wrong with a bit of missionary!

I think i'll try pushing my neck harder into his hands, see what happens! I don't think he expected me to be so kinky when he first met me lol.

Oh i'm so horny now lol, hope he does this tonight!!

When the mr and I were in the ealry stages of our relationship a lot hadnt been discussed and we were both really seeing where each others boundaries and kinks lay... he lightly clasped my throat, and I remember pushing forwards to make it feel tighter... It's a good way to get started with it and allow the "controlled" person to actually retain a lot of control indeed.

It should go without saying that you do need to take care with throat play as it's a delicate area, however when done with sensible precautions and whatnot it can be amazing.

sexynurse09 wrote:

Haha nothing wrong with a bit of missionary!

I think i'll try pushing my neck harder into his hands, see what happens! I don't think he expected me to be so kinky when he first met me lol.

Oh i'm so horny now lol, hope he does this tonight!!

You could also try wrapping your hand over his and showing him how hard you'd like him to squeeze

I LOVE LOVE LOVE this, it's such an erotic way for my partner to communicate "I am in charge". As soon as my throat is squeezed I relax totally and stop moving in total surrender. It feels wonderful because I would never ever let anyone but a lover I totally trusted touch my neck as I'd feel too vulnerable.

xxKPxx