Hi welcome, really sorry to hear this. It does take a bit of messing around with dosages etc for oestrogen /progesterone HRT and some GP’s aren’t that knowledgeable. Some women don’t absorb transdermal patches very well and may need to either change brands (I had to do this) or change to oral tablets or transdermal gel. Same with testosterone this is a certain amount of trial and error and there should be blood tests after you’ve been on it for a few months to check that levels are still within female range (it’s very unlikely they won’t be) or you are getting enough to make a difference. The hairiness can be made less noticeable by moving the site of application and not applying it in the same place each time, but personally I always apply it to my legs as they are easier to wax. I have heard of ladies on menopause matters forum saying they apply to underside of feet as there are no hair follicles there but haven’t tried or myself. Really feel for you and your wife as menopause can be so shit and has a huge impact on wellbeing and intimacy etc
Thank you for your kind and informative reply. Yeah menopause really has been a grenade in our relationship. Moving from an active and fun sex life to nothing has been pretty devastating and unfortunately leaves me looking for other opportunities. Which is sad because we still love each other but is very much in the friend-zone now. Completely agree about the lack of knowledge in GPs and how difficult it is to get dedicated help. I think all these barriers have taken their toll on her unfortunately, and she’s lost enthusiasm to keep trying to find a solution that works for her. Maybe she’ll come back round, but after such a length of time, we don’t even talk about it any more. I wish she’d take more active interest in forums like these - so much useful information…maybe I’ll drop some hints…
I used to put mine on my thigh and then a friend who’s a retired nurse told me to put the patch on my butt, alternating cheeks each time. That improved things for a while but then I noticed the effect wasn’t so long lasting so got my GP surgery to increase the dose. Sadly, my surgery is really poor in the area of menopause and didn’t even contact me for a review in 18 months. I had to request one, and then they asked “why do you think you need a review?” I basically said half way through the week I feel I could stab my husband with a pair of scissors because he’s stood in front of the kitchen drawer I need to get into.’ 
Menopause matters forum is probably the best place for her to get info. I literally felt like a different person with menopause I thought I was having some sort of breakdown. I really hope for both your sakes she gets some help. Some GP’s are more informed and sympathetic than others might be worth her seeing someone else but obviously I get its very difficult for you as you don’t want to seem like you’re pressuring her. I also suspect that if she’s feeling very down and it’s affected her mood it’s very difficult to find the motivation to try and fight for the help that you need
That’s great - thank you for recommending Menopause Matters - I’ve just looked it up - lots of useful info.
Yeah, I think sex has gone so far off her list, it’s just not even a thing she’s worrying about any more. When we used to talk about it, I did explain that it was really sad for me that we weren’t intimate any more - which she said she understood…and did spend the time (mentioned above) looking into it. I just need to find a way to re-activate her interest in it again, as unfortunately it will end our relationship eventually, or I’ll have affairs - which is rubbish all round.
Each time I instigate a conversation though, nothing changes, and she doesn’t follow-up…which over time is also building some resentment towards her…which isn’t helpful either! I’ll keep trying 
Yeah it’s about intimacy not “just” sexual release. I couldn’t cope if my OH went off it. I think it’s very very common with a lot of women at this age who just then think they are past it. I also think most women wouldn’t be able to talk to friends about this. Very sad. All the best
I’m sure I’ve mentioned this in another thread but during the phase I had zero interest in sex, I was anxious about showing H affection as he might think sex was on the cards and I’d feel pressured to follow through Whereas I perhaps just wanted a cuddle, to be close to him, or a no strings! massage for my dodgy shoulders 
I’ve been using Androfem for about 3 years now (had to go private to get it, each tube is about £100 but lasts ages). It’s literally been a marriage saver for me. Even though I was on regular hrt my libido was non existent. My husband is very sexual (one of the things that drew me to him) and I literally had no sex drive for about 6 years (I’m now 53). I introduced testosterone to my routine (oestrogel and the merina coil). Took about 7 months to start noticing my libido changing. Now, I feel sexual again, vibrant, love sexy talk/play/dressing up. Basically I’m like I was before menopause. I’ll be buried with mine. It’s given me back myself.
That sounds really similar to our situation. Our sexual connection was one of the big reasons we were drawn to each other - and now it’s gone, our marriage is under threat. So do you just take Androfem only or is it in combination with other treatment?
What is the relevance of the merina coil? Is it a contributor to improving impact of menopause? Asking for a friend who thinks she hates him. 
During menopause the progesterone and oestrogen hormone levels drop. The Marina coil provides the progesterone element of HRT, só you can then have a Patch or gel which only needs to provide the oestrogen.
Thank you. Very informative.