Looking for opinions - do you think she cheated?

Hi all,

Recently my wife was at a party while I was at home, she got home about 3am.

The thing that has made me suspicious is that she showered before coming to bed. I have never known her to do that in the 5 years I have lived with her. She always showers in the morning. It's especially odd because she was pretty drunk, it seems to me that the least likely time to suddenly decide to have a shower is when you're drunk.

So what do you think, would you be suspicious if the same happened? Or am I just being paranoid?

Should I say or do anything?

I have done this when very drunk before, the main reason being because my hair stank of smoke and I wouldn't have been able to sleep with the smell.

Personally, I don't think it's suspicious at all. But for your trust to be so low isn't good. Maybe there have been other small things? To think someone is cheating because of one small out of character action is a bit extreme. If this really is the only thing I'd think about what's making you so insecure and talk to her or a friend about that. I don't think its really fair on her for you to think she might be cheating over this, I'd be very upset if my boyfriend had that little trust in me.

Indeed, there could be many reasons to need a shower when drunk!

Have you ever had any reason to doubt her fidelity before this?

If this is the first time she's done anything to doubt your trust I wouldn't be that concerned when drunk people don't have full control over what they do there's all manner of reasons why she might've showered like she sicked up over herself it's not nice waking up covered in vomit

There are many reason she wanted a shower before going to bed. I think what you need to think about is why thought she'd cheated? Has she done it before? Have you done it before? Is anything else in your relationship that suggests she's cheating and perhaps discuss your concerns, not to see if she's cheated but to see why you think she has

Maybe she was too warm, sweaty, felt she smelled, had been ill and felt all yucky, had something spilled on her and felt sticky, or maybe she just felt like showering.

It's a very strange thing to assume she had cheated over.

what do you think?

if you need to ask here then im sure the answer is clear, sorry

Have you tried just asking 'hey how come you took a shower in the middle of the night last night'
and she'll quite probably be able to explain one of the many reasons people ggave above.
I personally sometimes take a shower when I've drank a little too much to stop my head spinning.

Yes, showering after a party means a woman has without a doubt cheated. Is that what you want to hear? Because no one here is going to confirm your suspicions when that is all you have to go on. We can't; we don't know, we weren't there! She was at a party, she was probably feeling too gross to come to bed. I think you need to seriously think about what is up in your mind that you would automatically assume your wife has cheated because she takes a shower. Maybe she smoked something she didn't want you to smell on her. Maybe someone spilled something on her. Maybe she was just sweaty from being in a confined place with lots of people. Maybe she wanted to lie in in the morning and not bother showering. Maybe she was just drunk and had no reason at all! It could be anything, so cheating is a bit of a harsh one to jump to.

You should say something to put your mind at rest, but you certainly shouldn't say anything about cheating. Just ask her in a joking manner why she had the out of character impulse to shower at that time of night because you have never known her to do so and it amused you. Keep it light, friendly and listen to what she has to say. Because frankly she doesn't need to explain herself and coming accross as acusatory or trying to have a serious conversation about 'why did you shower' is going to put her on the defensive and make her feel controlled.

Please don't feel this is an attack on you, I don't mean to be unfriendly. I honestly wouldn't dwell on this, after all you trusted her enough to let her go to a party on her own you can't turn around after and accuse her afterwards.

I guess I must be weird compared to all the answers above because the only times I've had a shower when drunk is when I'm sharing one with someone else!

I do think it's strange she had a shower, but have you asked her why? She may have an innocent explanation as some people have explained.

Have you doubted her before now? Or do you have a problem with trusting people?

The only thing you can do is speak with her and see what she says, but don't accuse her of cheating, just have a little chat.

Just being in a room full of people (many of them being smokers, some of them spilling their drinks...) is guaranteed to make anyone feel all sweaty, clammy and smelly. I would never dream of NOT taking a shower afterwards...

Without any other sort of clues then it's a big leap to think she's cheated on you.

I know that this will sound gross but were there 'extra' stains in her knickers or did she come home without them, did her clothes smell of after shave? Not fool proof but I do know one friend whose suspicions were strengthened by signs like this.

Secretive texting and unexplained lateness can be others

The only other clue might be to ask others at the party if anything went on.

But as the majority have said the chances are the explaination is quite mundane.

Just ask her why she did it, otherwise it will play on your mind and you'll think the worse outcomes forever.

It could be any of the above reason but only she knows and you need your mind putting ast ease.

Hope all goes well.

Have you been to a party before with smokers and spilt drinks aplenty. If so does she usually shower after a night out?
Is she actually acting any different?
Quite possibly something happened but could also be quite innocent.
I would carry on as normal for a while to see if any changes in behaviour happen like her phone constantly kept hidden. See if she continuously leaves the room. Could be a sign of private texting. See if she arranges days/nights out with 'friends' or even 'I'm just doing a bit of shopping'.
If there is no change in her behaviour pattern then I wouldn't worry.
But I would suggest watching for other signs first because you could possibly ruin your relationship by accusing her of anything untoward.

I come to bed smelling like a brewer's kebab really quite often. I must be in the minority then.

There's no reassurance or answers that we can give you, I'm afraid. You need to ask her.

Personally, I think I'd find it odd enough that it would merit a question. Although if you're going to ask her, I suppose you should consider the possible answers and their outcomes.

As stated it could be a number of reasons. From something as small as cigarette odour or a drink induced decision; to something major as (i pray not the case), being attacked whilst out. Do not make choices out of haste, if she becomes distant over the next few days / couple of weeks, talk to her in a loving and concerned manner.

I think your mind might be playing tricks on you. I am sure there is a good reason.

You know your wife more than anyone so we can't really add a lot. I'll just say that although it's not usual for me to shower after a night out, I have done it a few times before because as mentioned earlier I've either stunk of smoke (am a non smoker and my hair traps the smell really badly), but also because I've got covered in someones sticky drink before and there's no way I could have slept like it..