I've been with my partner for a year now and the sex has never been as good as my past experiences.
I'm very adventurous and the kinkier the better, but my other half isn't as experienced as me and frets over everything. I love bondage, role play, Dom & subs etc but he is soooooo nervous about getting it wrong and constantly apologies (even while still in me). I don't have much patience and struggle to teach someone how to please me as I can be very blunt and this hurts him further......
So now I'm off sex as I know what to expect.....no foreplay, spanking, oral etc!!!!! Just plain lying on your back sex..then an apology!
Hi FD, can you not use your experiences to take control and show him what hes missing? Do what your wanting, but to him. Show him how its done and he may feel more confident in trying?
What can i say?errrm,well WHATS WRONG WITH HIM? just look at you your a beautiful woman,if it were me, i would certainly do as i was told.(not much help but just can`t understand it)xx
What can i say?errrm,well WHATS WRONG WITH HIM? just look at you your a beautiful woman,if it were me, i would certainly do as i was told.(not much help but just can`t understand it)xx
Thanks Brooke, I have done in the past, but he just copies me down to the last bit, and never mixes anything up (the night following) then straight back to the boring stuff.
Jackjohn, never thought of that, may be worth a shot :)
What can i say?errrm,well WHATS WRONG WITH HIM? just look at you your a beautiful woman,if it were me, i would certainly do as i was told.(not much help but just can`t understand it)xx
All guessing without knowing more, but sounds a big confidence issue. Did you jump in early wanting kinky or have you eased in gradually? It can sometimes take partners a while to get used to the basics with each other, never mind kinkier stuff. As a man, I had a year and half relationship not long back where we just clicked, from day one it was like I could pretty much make her ecstatic with a thought alone. Then a one night stand not long after where she couldn't stop cumming and was mind blown. Recently started seeing the current OH and felt like I'd lost all ability! Was pretty off putting and and I'd certainly have felt worse if shed demanded anything adventurous at that time. Couple of months later we're having amazing sex, I can drive her wild (and v.v) and we're starting to do things neither of us has done before. This Friday is gonna be a hell of a night if all goes to plan!
What I'm getting at, is sometimes you need to both work together to get to know the basics as a couple first. Either have the patience or accept that you're as much the problem.
I was on my phone earlier and would normally word much better! Not meant to be a criticism, simply a reminder that sometimes "ooh my new girlfriend is wild!" can actually cause anxiety rather than a thrill if you're not quite clicking. I know some women forget that the men can be quite complicated too.
You should ask him what he wants. Tell him how you feel and what you want and see how things go you need to be honest and truthful.
Sex is a very important part of relationships as everyone will agree I am sure!!
If nothing else, make yourself feel sexy and in the mood then play you fantasies out on your own when he is out of the house that will get some of the tension out for a wile.
This will work for the short term till you both find a compromise.
Sounds like you have a decent bloke but one who has little experience. We aint born knowing what to do in bed other than sleep lol. The only way to gain experience is by practice. You could maybe try selecting some suitable porn for you both to watch to feed his imagination then go for it when he's good and horny.
I aint the most or the least experienced but i recently had a little issue too. My OH is more experienced than me and quite recently decided to try a bit of mild bondage with me but she wont be spanked, or anything like that so with her hands and feet strapped down to the bed i ran out of ideas, had no ice cubes to hand or feathers and couldn't even properly get to her pussy for a bit of oral. I felt i had let her down badly.
Everyone is different so it's a bit like starting over again when you have a new partner. There is very little chance you will both have the same experience and likes so it can take a lot of time and patience. Hope it works out for you both in the end though. Good luck!
You know fairy dust there is nothing better than educating someone to be more experienced in love making, and no doubt you have done it many times in the past but give the guy a chance or maybe you jumped in too quickly. the jocky
You know fairy dust there is nothing better than educating someone to be more experienced in love making, and no doubt you have done it many times in the past but give the guy a chance or maybe you jumped in too quickly.
Sorry forgot to say you looking at you pic I think the guy should hang in there your lookin good.
Hi Fairy Dust, have you ever considered getting one of the Tracey Cox books that he could read? There are quite a few to choose from and this may boost his confidence through more knowledge. Here are a couple that are highly reviewed:
Also, you could both try playing a game together. This would take the pressure off him because the game literally tells you what to do as you play. Here are some ideas:
Have you tried getting him involved in sexting? As a mum of 2 separated and now divorced for 3 years, I dipped my toe in the water and found setting a massive turn on. Maybe set a scene would help him explore things in words rather acts straight away, might take the pressure off the actual deed , but give him time and space to respond. I spent 3 days in a constant state of arrousal after starting sexting a new partner...
I had a similar issue with my OH, he was amazing in bed but against the stuff I liked (bondage etc) we took it slowly, started with just plain old different positions. Then we started to talk about what I liked once we were comfortable with each other, now he is the one that pushes the limits amd.suggest things that I hadnt considered.
My point is if he is inexperienced forget about the kinky stuff and work from ground up. If youve jumped in too quickly with kinky stuff you could have overwhelmed him as he isnt as experienced with it.
I know its hard to have patience when you want to have fun but if your making it clear that you arent enjoying it that is going to make him fret even more so your in a catch 22.
I think everyone is right start with the basics, watch some porn together, get him to read books, even go as far as to give him homework (go and learn how.to tie a certain knot etc...) as he will be learning and will be keen to show you what he has learnt. Just an idea xx
Not necessarily a knot to learn could be anything, such as a knew technique for oral or a new position to try etc etc knots were just first thing to come to mind as thats what OH is practising just now haa xx
ever thought of swinging private but maybe a couples night with lots of laughs but you can ha v e your own room keep the door closed the atmosphere should give him a push if he knew more couples are doing it he maybe less conscious of what your asking for and realize everyone does different things but it is ok we need to have fun to keep the relationship fresh .good luck and tell him no one can enter a room without an invite from you both. matbe you could try just watching.give it a go .peeping is fun