Hi.
This is my first forum post.
My new partner has a clit that just won’t play ball.
She has never been able to cum from penetration, and can only orgasm using a powerful vibrator on her clit. (We have the magic wand and attachments)
Manual or oral play has almost no effect at all, as her clit seems to have a really low sensitivity.
Going down and manual masturbation has always kind of been my forte and I love to give them. Not being able to has thrown me somewhat and I’m feeling a bit unnecessary currently.
Wondering if anyone has any tips or advice please?
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Welcome to the community. May i ask if her clit is pierced because i know 3 friends that ended up having the same problem after a while. They all removed their piercings & within a couple of months they got their sensitivity back. Hope this helps but you came to the right place to get good honest advice or direction. Very good smart respectful group here. Good look to you both! 
Thanks for responding
It’s not pierced and hasn’t been previously.
Hi there @Mudd.Smith and welcome aboard.
I’ve not used any myself, but LH stock a range of ‘Orgasm balm’ products that are said to enhance things:
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Ah, thats really difficult. My suggestions would be lots of foreplay before getting to the clit. As @PleasureDrone suggested, orgasm balm is a good option. I’ve used all of those and the bliss and ignite balms are really nice. Personally i found the cherry one too much as it is really strong. The nipple balm is super if strange tasting (licking it after application, then blowing on it feels amazing)
Pussy pumps also help up the sensitivity if shes up for trying one.
I can struggle with clit sensitivity, and for me finding the right vibe was a real eye opener. What are you currently using?
Some of the toys in the shop are really very strong. Some people also need a particular type of stimulation, like very focused or rumbly toys for example. Theres definitely ones out there you could mix into oral.
Also i find mixing other erogenous zones in really helps. G spotting, mixing in some anal (eg. Butt plug or fingers), nipple play, etc all really help alot and make a clit orgasm much easier to reach for me, even on a bad day.
Anyway, few things to try. Hope you find something that works for you both
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@Mudd.Smith hello and welcome, I feel for you. You need to keep trying to find what will help your OH to find that spot. I’m sure people will give you their experiences / knowledge to help you find your way
Hi @Mudd.Smith and welcome to the forum 
I’d second the above suggestions of orgasm balm. Some are better than others, it depends on whether she enjoys a warming sensation or a cooling one. I’ve used Ignite, Bliss and Cherry and found them very helpful. Admittedly they don’t taste too great but if you’re just using them with fingers or a toy then that won’t be a problem.
Lots of women can’t come through penetration alone, I’m one of them! Occasionally it’s happened but it’s a rare event.
Another trick I’ve used is not applying too much focus on the actual visible part of the clit itself when using toys or fingers. Rumbly style toys seem to work a bit better for me and I sometimes direct the toy to an area either side of my clit or just above it and let the vibrations travel in and around on their own. The clitoris extends a lot further inside that you think, the bit you can see is just the tip of the iceberg. This method can take longer but it works for me! So that might be worth a try.
@Green_Eyed_Girl suggestions of getting other zones involved is great, I actually need nipple play, even if just for a minute or two. It’s a case working through different things until your partner finds something that hits that spot.
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Hi, I think the balm may be a good start. Having no clit I can only pass on things I have read but what about a womanizer. The suction may help rather than the vibration.
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We’re all different.
If she needs something intense, shoot for something intense, whether it’s Doxy wand or a jack hammer.
So long as she enjoys it in her own way…!!
Something else I wanted to say… obviously I have no idea what the whole of your sex play consists of, so if what I’m about to say is redundant or wide of the mark, @Mudd.Smith, please forgive.
Instead of looking for bigger, stronger ways to physically stimulate her uncooperative clitoris, maybe it’s her mind that needs taking to a different place?
Consider taking a loooong time over things and making it a whole-body experience for her - lots of slow teasing and stroking etc., deliberately starving her clit of attention, then perhaps introducing an element of orgasm denial. Repeatedly taking her to the brink and then refusing to let her cum? It may sound anti-intuitive, but tease and denial play is fabulous for getting a person into a very elevated, “begging for it” state. It might be just the psychological reversal she needs.
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It is possible to become overly reliant on certain things sometimes, either psychologically or physically- especially if they seem to do the trick every time.
As @PleasureDrone suggests maybe step back and avoid the wand for a while and see what happens. Experiment with other toys and activities and see what happens. A change is often good for you.
Good luck. 
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I used to be like this and I didn’t have my first orgasm until I actually started using powerful toys. It was really hard and I felt like I was disappointing my partners and stuff. From using a wide variety of toys, I orgasm really easily now from my clit and also internally too which I never thought would be possible. Lube also helped a lot too. Make sure she isn’t feeling pressured to preform because if she is thinking the end goal is orgasm it just won’t happen. If she needs a strong vibrator in order to orgasm, then that’s what you need to do. Don’t make yourself feel worthless and thinking you should be the only thing pleasuring her because that is leaning on to the toxic masculinity mind set which is not cool at all. You can always be the one controlling the vibrator so you feel more involved.
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@Mudd.Smith Very similar to you mate in terms of forte, and can see why you’d feel a little lost with situation.
I’d like to just suggest for you, rather than let it give you that ‘unnecessary’ feeling, reframe it and consider it a chance to add some more tools to the ‘forte’ belt. Gives a great chance for the two of you to do some exploration together, that in itself can have a big impact if you’re both on the same page with it. I’m making the assumption this is something you’re both looking to achieve together of course as her thoughts and input are pretty essential to achieve what you’re looking for.
Further to suggestions above such as trying balms, pumps.
We have these, and often use the clit one when I have the OH tied up on a kink night to make things nice and intense for her. Obv plenty of lube needed, and communication with OH:
I think @PleasureDrone is onto something in terms of mixing things up in sense of her mind, it’s a very powerful and often overlooked tool in the sexual world - we tend to focus on the ‘specific spots’ the pleasure (or problems) occur and forget to look outside the box (no pun intended).
Are there things could do earlier in day/eve to help build things up a little? For example would she consider wearing a butt plug going out for a drink? Or perhaps a remote controlled love egg going for a meal? Of course a balm could be applied before going out perhaps (@Green_Eyed_Girl suggested a couple that we might try to mix things up a little some point).
Maybe try focusing attentions away from her clit. I know with sense deprivation (for example blindfolding), it will enhance other senses (such as feel of touch). If she has a stubborn clit, perhaps that sensitivity is living elsewhere, in her g-spot, nipples, butt, etc.,?
Hope you both have a lot of fun finding a way around things mate.
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Has she considered having a check up at the doctors to see why she has low sensitivity?
I guess maybe a vibrating penis sleeve might be an idea for you to try out
Hey @Mudd.Smith and welcome!
When you say manual and oral play has almost no effect at all, where has that come from? Is that your partner telling you that or you mean you can’t feel the build up to orgasm/reactions from her? I say this because I know a number of people with clits that find oral so pleasurable but cannot orgasm or reach climax from it, so I would say don’t rule out activities just because it’s not going to bring the other person to orgasm, if it feels pleasurable then it’s all good!
I would suggest having a chat with her (if you haven’t already) and asking how the sex is for her and if there’s anything you can do to make things even better. Everyone has their own little quirks in the bedroom and sometimes really small touches/motions can be the difference between something feeling okay and something feeling sensational! If you can start off the communication from the get go then this will also help you be able to talk freely as your relationship progresses and new things come up! Good luck 
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Could you not alternate between toy and tounge. Have a look at a womaniser too. Not as big as a wand and can easily swap between the two x
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I’m probably going to be repeating what other folks have already said, apologies. I also often have low sensitivity, it’s quite normal, although of course can be frustrating. For me, the mindset that I like to keep is that orgasm isn’t the end all, I’m there for the play and the fun, if an orgasm happens - amazing, if not - that’s okay. It’s a very small mental shift but super important for you and your partner so you can enjoy your time together without putting any pressure on her to feel like she has to orgasm, that pressure will only make it harder. Oral and fingering can still feel amazing and very pleasurable, even if it doesn’t result in an O.
Think of toys as your trusty side kick. They don’t make you unnecessary, rather they’re an accessory that you can use to greatly improve your sexy life together! If powerful toys are what she needs to orgasm then powerful toys it is. Each person can have different erogenous zones, exploring hers can help as well. Nipple play, sensation play with teasing, building up tension - all fun areas to try out. An orgasm can be built up through so much more than the clit!
As others have mentioned, orgasms also have to do with the state our mind is in. I get super easily distracted if I’m thinking about the neighbors or the time or whatever and that can keep me from ever reaching orgasm. Together you can work to create a space that she feels comfortable and focused within.
Have fun!
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Hi and welcome @Mudd.Smith 
I wouldn’t feel redundant, have a chat to her about it and see if she is enjoying what you are doing. It’s not all about having an orgasm for me, I can enjoy and get aroused by something (usually nipple play for me) but I need to use my fingers on my clit to actually orgasm. It doesn’t mean that I don’t enjoy what my OH is doing, it’s amazing and I can’t make myself feel like that on my own but I can’t orgasm from it.
I’m the opposite to your partner in that my clit is too sensitive to touch, I can only orgasm from fingers or a toy when I do it myself because any wrong movement on his part would cause intense pain!
The only other thought I had is that your partner might have got used to using strong vibrations and so now can’t orgasm without them. It might be worth stopping using them for a while to see if her sensitivity increases at all. This would obviously be her choice as it can be really frustrating! I got very used to using a vibrator to orgasm and I used to tense my pelvic floor muscles which meant that I could orgasm in about 3 mins! While brilliant, it wasn’t great for penetration because my muscles had become too tight. I stopped doing this and the first time I managed to orgasm without using this method it took me 1½ hrs but it was amazing. It now takes about ½hr. It might be worth spending a bit more time over it and seeing what happens.
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I don’t know how old your partner is - but could she be menopausal? if so, she might find HRT useful, and/or a topical oestrogen cream
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