Lying to yourself...

When we lie to ourselves about our partners negative traits, do we do so in order to be able to love them. Or does love blind us to the bad parts?

If you are attracted to someone that a part of says is no good for you, but you cant see sense and leap in anyway, is that love doing the driving or just plain lust?

hope your ok?

i dont think love blinds us well doesnt to me im well aware of my ohs bad parts most of the time i choose to overlook them

an i guess maybe a bit of both?

Hiya Yumms x yeah, I am ok thank you. How about you?

So what if love does blind us, what are the implications? :(

yeah im good im pregnant again i know im mental lol

hmm well i know ive ignored a few thing that most wouldnt like the fab thing etc etc i guess people will only do what you allow them to

Supposedly when we're in love we tend to find habits that would otherwise be annoying to be endearing. That's a helpful adaptation IF the effects of the behaviour are insignificant. No one's perfect after all.

But the adaptation can also mask destructive and harmful behaviours.

Maybe try looking at the other side of the behaviour - the effects that it's having on the other partner (or other people if it's more broadly applicable).

Probably both, love and lust but if you are lying to yourself about their negative trates then one day it will come back to bite you on the butt!

The best quote I've heard on this subject is from Leonardo Di Caprio's character when I starred in 'The Beach'

When you develop an infatuation for someone you always find a reason to believe that this is exactly the person for you. It doesn't need to be a good reason. Taking photographs of the night sky, for example. Now, in the long run, that's just the kind of dumb, irritating habit that would cause you to split up. But in the haze of infatuation, it's just what you've been searching for all these years

Which from experience I know to be very true. But on the flipside when things aren't forced and it becomes a gradual mutual development of feelings for each other it builds a much stronger foundation and this is happening to me at the moment and it's such a nice refreshing change from the past

TTurtle wrote:

... when I starred in 'The Beach'

You were in the beach? I dont recall a TMNT ;)

So how long does this infatuation/blindness last?! lol

Noon wrote:

TTurtle wrote:

... when I starred in 'The Beach'

You were in the beach? I dont recall a TMNT ;)

So how long does this infatuation/blindness last?! lol

ha oops..replace 'I' with 'he' - not woken up yet :p

I think love can cause people to overlook things about their OH, sometimes i think this is the case with my mum! lol.
For me love hasn't made me blind about my OH bad habbits or faults, sometimes i notice them too often and i wish love did blind me sometimes.

If your OH's faults are too much for you and you're not happy then i believe in putting yourself and your happiness first.
If you know this person isn't right for you but you go for it anyway, it most likely is lust or some more personal reasons. My friend was in a relationship with someone who she wasn't overally happy with because he wasn't right for her because she was bored of being single and didn't want to be alone.

I know that my partner has faults but he also has a lot of good points too. I know I have faults but would hope that I have good points too. There is a difference between accepting your partner faults and all because you love them and their good points or pretending some of the bad points don't exsist. I feel the later is because you are trying to kid yourself into being happy about your partner when in fact you ar unhappy about them or the situation. Hope this helps.

Can the opposite be true, if someone is constantly reminding you of your OH's faults can it effect your feelings?

Noon wrote:

Can the opposite be true, if someone is constantly reminding you of your OH's faults can it effect your feelings?

only if you listen to this other person reminding you , but then again why would you listen to someone else talking about ur oh

tell them to mind there own business

we all have faults thats what makes us who we are and if we didnt what a dull boring existance we would have

Think there are many answers to this... As has been said, we all have good and bad points and in relationships we have to learn to accept both and compromise where necessary but that's fine, be boring if we were all 100% perfect all the time. However if there is something about a person that you think is wrong and you still choose to ignore it, I guess in reality you are only kidding yourself and sooner or later, the reality will out itself and you generally end up being hurt, so seems more sensible to either deal with the issue as soon as it becomes apparent rather than wait for it happen.

I say this from the perspective of someone who has done it, I was involved with a guy and quite early on there were several warning signs that he was a liar and probably a cheat, but I ignored them, listening to his placating words (as he explained all his lies) and even though my instinct screamed at me to end it with him, I didn't. I continued to be involved, gave him numerous chances, each of which he took and then ruined. Ultimately his lies found him out massively, but I invested virtually 2 years in him for nothing, whereas had I listened to myself, it would have been 6 months max and would have saved me such heartache....

With regards to someone pointing out negative traits, I guess the question is what is their motivation for doing so? Are they trying to protect you from hurt, are they envious, are they jealous, are they malicious? It's down to you and you alone at the end of the day. As we all know we never listen to those who profess to know more than us about something, only then to regret it when it turns out they were right all along...

You have to take the bad with the good right? No one is perfect. HOWEVER if you get that gut feeling to run, i'd trust it lol

As horny glass lover said, no one is perfect but there's negative traits and then there's just bad people.

If my head is telling me to run, then I run.