Married to a Bi woman.......and would like some advice please

Hi All,

Not been on here for a while due to work getting hectic but needed some friendly advice which I know you all have in abundance .

My wife and I have been married for 3 and a half years but we've been together for 8. recently we were talking about fantasies, our lives and who we are and the OH let me know that she likes women and thinks she might be Bi, she's never had a relationship or sex with a woman or even kissed a woman before but has said that she like to try it as she never felt so comfortable in herself than she has since we've been together. Now experiencing sex with a woman is something that I'm unable to provide and as a husband I want my wife to be happy. I'm not looking for a 'this is right' or 'this is wrong' relpies but I would really appreciate any experiences others have had or if your in the same situation I'd really like to get your feelings on it. I have said that I'll support her in any way that I can and all I need to know is that she's safe, I also feel that if she doesn't explore her sexaulity and feel supported by me that it will always play on her mind and have the 'What if' question floating around.

I'm not interested in threesome's as this is something for my wife to experience herself, not me to experience with her.

if you don't want to reply on here private messages are fine too!

Thank you all,


Before meeting my OH I had never been with a woman and started to think I might be bisexual. I spoke to my OH and he said that he's fine with me trying things as long as I am happy. I have tried things with women and have now decided that I want a girlfriend as well as my OH. He is fine with the situation even if he doesn't get to try things with both of us, he just wants me to be happy.

I also felt the what if question and didn't want it to ruin anything I have with my OH. I am extremely lucky that he is so understanding and it sounds like you are as well. I also applaud you for not thinking immediately threesome.

Hope everything goes well.

Not long after we had met, R told me she was bi, and had lived with a girlfriend when younger. She'd had another girlfriend since the latter part of her previous marriage. I didn't see any problem, and have met her girlfriend socially several times. She stays overnight with her girlfriend occasionally and they go on holiday for a week each year. We married after couple of years; there's no point in me having negative feelings about her sexuality, that's her nature and it certainly doesn't stop us loving one another.

We started swinging not long after we'd met and have had 3somes with bi women (but not with her girlfriend who does not like sex with men) and I usually leave R and her women friends alone together until I'm invited to join them. We usually play in 4somes and many of the women in the other couples are bi; it seems fairly common in the swinging world.

R also encouraged me to explore my bi side, which I hadn't had the courage (or the opportunity) to do before.

I don't see why you shouldn't give your OH a 'free pass' to explore her sexuality. Being bi will not mean she goes off you, merely that she adds another dimension to her life. If she's suppressing part of her nature she's not going to be truly happy, would you be happy with that?

I completely agree with Avrielle. Here is what I wrote in a different thread (

"I am mostly straight, in the sense that I am more attracted to men, and I don't think I could fall in love with a woman. But I have had sex with women before, which I enjoyed very much. While I have had some sort of deep emotional involment with each of the men I have slept with, my relationship with the women has always been exclusively sexual (on my part). So for me cheating on my partner with a woman would much less dangerous than with a man; and I know that he feels the same way.

Still, I would not do it, because I am entirely committed to him, and even a less serious act of disloyalty is still a betrayal in my, and his, eyes. And I know that I wouldn't like it one bit if he were to cheat on me with a man."

To expand on this, he does not mind my sexual feelings to women; in fact, he finds them arousing. We play with this; I may comment on the body of a woman I saw in my gym's locker room, describe her breasts, tell him that I would have liked to suck on her nipples, or things of this type. We both get excited, which is the point of the exercise. But I love him, and want him to be the only one in my life, man or woman.

Your wife might feel the same way. If not, you both will have to proceed very cautiously, lest somebody gets seriouly hurt. If she does act on her feelings and she is like me, nothing much will happen. If she is more serioulsy interested in women than I am, well, things may become tricky; a lot depends on how you live your changing situation. For example, if she were to get a girlfriend, how would you take it? Sentimental triangles can be unstable, and an enormous source of stress.

So, if she does not express interest in acting on her desires, I would leave the situation the way it is. If she does, it's good that you support her, but there are risks of which both of you should be aware.

It is failry difficult to find a bisexual or lesbian woman who would be happy for a married bicurious woman to use her as an experiment, although not impossible. I think probably the internet is her best bet and just being upfront about what she wants as actually there are other people in her position to be found on the likes of okcupid and plenty of fish, whom would be parhaps happy with a no strings mutual sexual exploration. Just follow the usual safety rules for dating someone- always make sure someone knows where you are and who you are with, and at what time to start worrying about you. As with any no strings sex senario, you run the risk of one person developing deeper feelings and the sticky situation of unrequited love, or as has already been mentioned, them falling in love and others getting hurt.

I would just like to add that being polyamourous (being in a relationship with more than one person) and having an open relationship (where you have sex with other people) is nothing to do with BiSexuality. Whilst the two may occur simultaneously they are not a cause and effect. Many many BiSexual people are capable of and want a monogomous relationship.

Some things are best left as a fantasy.

A very big thank-you to all of you, As usualy your advice and thoughts have been very helpful. fantasies are going to be kept just as they are

Your all awesome

MB xx