Masturbating but OH doesn't know....

Hello Lovehoney girls....and boys πŸ˜‹

Im a newbie to the forum so lovely to meet you all!

Ive been searching around trying to find answers and opinions but I can't find any so sorry if repeated.

im in my very early 20's. and embarassingly have to admit I'm addicted to masturbating πŸ™ˆ I get on very well with my boyfriend and we have a great sex life but I'm always seeking opportunities for me time. Wether it be in the shower or pretending to go poop when really I'm at in the bathroom πŸ™ˆ

Do I tell my boyfriend about it or do I try to keep it to myself. I'm in such a dilemma. I hope you can give some feelings and opinions 😘X

You should tell him it will probably excite him

My wife and I are very open about this.

We both masturbate, sometimes apart and sometimes together. She knows I have a thing for porn involving lingerie (what man doesn't?!). In the middle of the night if I wake up with an erection and she doesn't feel like having sex she will help me have a wank. Often this is simply a case of cupping my balls whilst I do the rest.

We all do it so be honest about it and yes, I think your BF will be excited when you tell him!

Tell him, he will probably love it!

I'm going to give slightly different advice. Personally I would tell him but you have to decide how it makes you feel. Some people feel mastibation is a private time and if so they have every right to not tell their other halves. But at the same time feeling like you have to keep it secret can end up making you feel like it's a dirty little secret when it's not. Mastibation is a wonderful enjoyable experience so do whatever will make you enjoy it more 😊

I don't think there is a right or wrong answer here.

If you called it a secret so be it. Keep it secret so long it doesn't affect your relationship. He/she may suspects but don't ask and there will be no lies told. Knowledge brings about jealousy and excuses (for breaking up) which will evoke around it later. However, there are exceptions but not always.

In our Asian's culture (which I dislike with honesty), keeping oneself virtue (no sex before marriage including masturbation) is a long passed down belief through generations. So many couples "lied" about their virginity and it's a secret they carried to their grave. The only exception is divorce and/or re-marrying.

Browncoats wrote:

I'm going to give slightly different advice. Personally I would tell him but you have to decide how it makes you feel. Some people feel mastibation is a private time and if so they have every right to not tell their other halves. But at the same time feeling like you have to keep it secret can end up making you feel like it's a dirty little secret when it's not. Mastibation is a wonderful enjoyable experience so do whatever will make you enjoy it more 😊

I don't think there is a right or wrong answer here.

I agree with this post. There is no obligation to tell him, but if it makes you feel better to do so, then go ahead. But if you would rather keep it to yourself, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. You seem to think it's a bad thing but everyone deserves a little bit of "me time". You can still mention that you like to masturbate but you don't have to precisely tell him how many times a day if that's what bothers you.

Totally normal, I do the same, sometimes I tell him, sometimes I don't xx

Thankyou all for your lovely replies :)!

It's so nice to hear different opinions on it and what you feel. I certainly feel less ashamed of enjoying me time now. I certainly would love to keep it to myself. There's such a thrill about doing it without him knowing!

My next question would be do I invest in toys or would they be too loud to give it away πŸ™ˆ. I very rarely get the place to myself as we work same hours :/ x😘

As others have said. Absolutely no harm in keeping this to yourself. However if you chose to tell him, I really can't see him being irritated - in fact the opposite. I can see it turning him on.

If you want to reveal it to him, you could always ask him to come and watch. Make a bit of a game of it, strip him down, then tie him to a chair so he can't move and proceed to pleasure yourself. It would almost certainly open up a discussion point or two afterwards where you can reveal as much or as little as you like, but the who,e "touching yourself" genie would be out of the bottle

Oh wow the temptation just to want to let him know kinda sounds a little turn on for me let alone him

I think it's the whole having him know that gives me anxiety in him knowing that I do it. It's easy for guys to say but a little different for a girl.

I would adore him and I to have mutual masturbation one day, that is one of my big fantasies with him x

Hi. Nothing wrong enjoying time alone, he’ll be doing the same. Masturbating together is such a turn on for guys and from experience for girls also. If your going to get toys you’ll have to hide them and that isn’t being honest. If you can’t find a way of telling him about masturbating let him catch you. He will love it

It is quite a dilemma, I can imagine that masturbating together would be a great turn on.
On the other hand I quite like masturbating on my own. I expect you will need to decide what you want to do. If you like the idea of doing it together then you will need to discuss it with your partner, or as others have said, let him find you doing it, if you don’t think you can raise the topic.

Only you know your partner well. Is he into masturbation or does he masturbate? How does he look at this topic called masturbation?

Dandan2016 wrote:

Hi. Nothing wrong enjoying time alone, he’ll be doing the same. Masturbating together is such a turn on for guys and from experience for girls also. If your going to get toys you’ll have to hide them and that isn’t being honest. If you can’t find a way of telling him about masturbating let him catch you. He will love it

Agree with most of this except for the last part, I feel it is something to be talked about rather than an ambush, perhaps while you are ln bed together after making love and curled up together.

When I was young, I didn't talk about it with my girlfriend (pre-internet and mobile phones) but we both knew that we got aroused when we weren't together we satisfied ourselves, as we didn't sleep together for quite some time until we were both ready we would both have exploded had we not.

If it effects your love life then it’s probably best you tell him, but if it doesn’t seem to be causing any issues then decide wether you like the thrill of him not knowing?

Me and my partner are really open with it all and most of the time if one of us is having a solo play then we usually let the other get involved. Most of the time I like her to have some time to herself and explore a bit so it’s just sexy being told about what she’s been up too.

EmilyB21 wrote:

Oh wow the temptation just to want to let him know kinda sounds a little turn on for me let alone him

I think it's the whole having him know that gives me anxiety in him knowing that I do it. It's easy for guys to say but a little different for a girl.

I would adore him and I to have mutual masturbation one day, that is one of my big fantasies with him x

hey Emily

You could introduce him to this site, just the retail side to start with, ask him what his feelings are about toys, tell him that although you're happy with your sex life, you're abit curious as to how using one would feel. ask him if he's ever seen a girl use one, and how he would feel seeing you use one. But most of all, do what ever you are most comfortable with, my love...but the best advice I can give is, don't let it become an issue or an unfulfilled desire. xx

I openly tell my partner about masterbating, although he has never watched me as I like my private time lol

There are times I want and need to masturbate alone because I am doing it FOR ME, not for or with a partner. Whilst a partner is there it is no longer solo play fo me mentally and I dont want t feel like I am being watched, judged or will be interuptted either. Some partners may feel you are choosing masturbating instead of them but in my book it is part of my sexuality and not a substitution and I wont have to share that with them or tell them all the time.