i really just cant get there at the mo im getting it 1-3 times a day it seems like im pleasuring him but theres no pleasure back im so frustrated i just need to rant sorry do all women feel the need to please there men before themselves or is it just me? ive gone from full blown filth to well 4 mins of blowjob or quick sex
Communication, communication, communication, you've got to talk to him. This is one of the main issues we discuss here. Tell him and the sooner the better. Try to be nice think of the positives ie, how good it used to be. We usually find a good old talk about what we want sorts it. Good luck
Yeah, totally agree with communicating. It sounds like you've fallen into a habit of quickies which aren't doing much for you. Are there time constraints in place that require these short sessions or is this something that's just happened?
It's totally understandable to feel frustrated about not recieving the touch or focus you want, which can be especially confusing if you're the type of person who really enjoys and gets off on making others feel good. Your partner might not have a clue that you're feeling this way and it might come as a bit of a shock to him that you're bringing this up, so be gentle with how you approach it. A sit down discussion might be what's needed, but equally it could be a case of making some suggestions while in the act for what you might need and seeing if resolution comes. Making your needs known opens them up as possibilities.
There is nothing wrong with being a bit selfish now and then and let him do all the pleasuring.
Besides, surely your OH should be fawning over you and wanting to ensure your sexual fullfillment.
You should give him an education into what truly works for you... let the fun ensue
You're getting it 1-3 times a day? Maybe hold off for a bit and tease him- tell him that you're only gonna get him there if you get there first. Be a bit selfish for a change and dominate!!!
Wow 1-3 times a day? Amazing, we're at once a week maybe sometimes once a month, kids and full time job sometimes we find it hard to find the time. Just be open and talk to him about it, maybe next time ask you be sorted before him. We follow the whole dom and sub thing so mostly it's about his pleasure, which I love anyway but we do make it at least once or twice were a whole session is about me. As someone above mentioned communication is key to a happy sex life and relationship :)
This highlights the differences between quantity and quality very well. If I were in this situation, I would personally reduce the quantity and focus more on quality. It should be a mutually pleasurable event and if you are getting lots and lots of sex, but very little satisfaction, then this is not really "good" sex...for you.
I think it is time to stop the quickies, or at least, reduce the amount of quickies you have. If he is the one initiating these quickies, then this is a good thing, because it suggests his sex drive is very high. You can use this to your advantage.
My bedroom dynamics with my partner involve a lot of Dominance/submission, with me (female) being the dominant partner. One of the biggest thrills I get is in denying him orgasm and the reason why I enjoy it is because it makes him more likely to want to please me in any way possible. There are many psychological reasons for this, which is why I bring it up now. First of all, he knows he is very unlikely to get an orgasm himself unless I am thoroughly satisfied with his behaviour, so he goes out of his way to please me for this very reason. Secondly, it puts him into a submissive mindset, because I have control over his pleasure.
I am not suggesting you go this far, but I mention it for a very good reason. If your partner gets to penetrate you any time he wants and if you allow him to basically penetrate you until he is spent and then walk away without pleasuring you...then it will become habit, the norm, what he thinks you want.
If, on the other hand you hike up your panties, turn to him sexily and say "I don't think so Mr. You are not getting that until later...and only after you have made me orgasm. I have not had one for a while". Then cheekily wink and walk away....it will do a few things. 1) Make him realise that you want satisfying to and 2) make him desperate and horny to a whole new level. In his mind, he just got denied....it can be taken away? Oh I better work harder for this! ...and willing to do as you please.
Of course, the overall message here is that you need to communicate and let him know you need pleasure too, but as I pointed out, it can be done in a fun and friendly way, rather than a big scary talk. However, if the cheeky and friendly hints don't work, it will be time for the sit down chat and time to tell him how you really feel.
Completely agree with Fluffbags.
Talk talk and talk again if he won't listen sort yourself you have needs as well, my ex wouldn't listen so with him I switched off, told him get on with it there's the ky
Oho Fluffbags, I think I may be trying out your hitching up the pants idea... :D
The hitching up the pants DOES work I would recommend it
I went through phases of getting my rocks off first but now tend to concentrate more on her needs and wants.. I make sure she gets enough before I get anywhere near the point of no return. We go without for ages so when we actually do get some couple time it's nice to make it last a little while longer.
@OP are you asking for what you need to get off?
"she comes first" is my principle