Moments that Shaped Your Sexuality.....

Sex Tips & Talk
1

I've been reading the 'Confession Time' thread and I've found the variety of responses so interesting. Especially the replies that reveal a 'discovery' of something you're into. I always wonder what the sources are for these predelictions

I'm not into anything noteworthy but I can see influences on my style. And it' fascinating to look down the road leading back to our sexual origins. We've all got moments and sensations from our childhood that felt slightly other worldy or magical that later in life the word 'erotic' only goes so far to explain.

I remember being very young and teachers getting classes to play a game where we put our heads down upon the desk and our thumbs up (do you remember this game?) then one of seven standing at the front came and pressed your thumbs down before you guessed who had touched you. I don't what it was, the brief sensation of touch, the anonymity, the deprivation of senses to make you more aware of your intuition? I can't put my finger upon it but it stuck with me.....And now I find I rely on really being able to 'sense' my lovers and trying to read their minds as well as their bodies.

Maybe it's a useful thing in life if you're ever recoving from confusion or sexual problems to remember a moment where your sexuality had nothing to do with 'acts' but that magical feeling that reaches your core.

Does anyone else remember any time in their life that shaped their sexual selves? Maybe it was yesterday afternoon :) I've heard some great responses from friends so I'm curious about you now troops. Let me know.

x

2

That's so adorable! A lot of people seem to connect bondage and what other people see as 'threatening' with security and closeness.

3

Hmmmmm.... Good question, I'm sure many people have that sexual light bulb moment but for me I think sex just sort of grew and is still growing actually!

I can remember being rather young and my best friend was a girl, there was a few 'i'll show you mine if you show me yours' moments and some exploration. I guess the best word to describe it was intriguing. It was something you felt you shouldn't really do but wasn't sure why, except for the general attitude and portrayal about 'down there' and it didn't feel wrong to be interested in something different. I was always an inquisitive child! I guess maybe my experience in such a situation didn't make things like that feel dirty or bad when I was older, it was simply indulging our curiosity and as I said it wasn't anything that felt 'wrong'. Maybe this stayed with me and helped make me such a liberal in many other respects.

I'm a bit weary posting this as of course such an issue can be taken the wrong way or used in the wrong way, I do just want to make it clear that this answer isn't an answer in a sexual manner more an answer that I feel help explains the lack of inhibitions and general shaping of my sexuality. If anyone does have a problem feel free to report it, its not my intention to offend, just be really open on something that I imagine many people don't speak about for the same reasons I listed above.

4

Oooo I must say Tigerlilies having seen some of your posts around since I was in exile you seem a great addition to LH! Very well thought out and researched answers! :) Hello!

5

That's a really good point WandA I was thinking about that issue when I started this thread. Hard to put into words the difference between our sexuality as children and adults without getting into hackneyed words that I think sound stupid like 'innocence.' It frustrates me when I see products or media that is trying to sexualise young people when our experiences of sexuality are so different when we're younger. And that has nothing to do with the people behind these products and influences, aka adults with adult conceptions of sex. Hence why I was interested in experiences that wouldn't be considered 'sexual' but influenced us later on and surfaced in our love life.

But it would be interesting to hear people's experiences from any point in time, including after when they became sexually active.

6

WandA wrote:

Oooo I must say Tigerlilies having seen some of your posts around since I was in exile you seem a great addition to LH! Very well thought out and researched answers! :) Hello!

Cheers WandA, coming from you after I've read your contributions that is a brilliant compliment, thank you.

7

Ok, promise you won't laugh?

I got an electric toothbrush in my stocking one Christmas when I was younger, much younger, probably too young!. I'd always been curious about the pleasure of sex. I knew what sex was for (making babies) and from what my young, untainted mind had gathered, I understood that it felt nice. I'd heard about vibrators and figured this would make a good substitute. I played with it one night and experienced my first ever orgasm. It made me feel... womanly, I suppose. The fact that I had unleashed this force inside of me, this capacity to experience a pleasure never felt before that offered so much release, was extraordinary.

I firmly believe that you have to truly pleasure yourself before you can be truly pleasured by another, so I'd say this was the biggest awakening of my sexuality.

Stop laughing now, 'kay? :D

BLC <3

8

Interesting question.

I was a naive child. I understood the science behind sex but wasn't interested in experimenting. I wasn't curious about what other people were like. As a youngster (probably older than you'd guess) I discovered the "nice" sensation of things rubbing on my clit using a soft fabric and got close to orgasming several times (sitting on the toilet 'cause I felt like I was going to wee. I'd never even heard of an orgasm! I was sheltered as a child hehe.

I would occasionally discuss sex with some friends I knew on msn but it was more a "feeling older" thing rather than a pleasure thing. I've never liked being nude (I blame "God" for that one) as I always feared being watched.

By the time I met WandA at 15 I still had no real interest in sex but he taught me more about myself, my likes and dislikes. We would talk about sex and for the first time really it was exciting and appealing.

I guess it was meeting him that sparked my sexuality. I've never considered any sexual act with another person. I've tried to - we discuss threesomes with women as a fantasy from time to time but I have to view the third person as a mouth or a pussy rather than as a person - imagining it as a person is a turn off. I've watched porn with WandA in a similar way.

I almost think if it weren't for WandA I wouldn't understand the feeling of horniness. He is the only one who's made me feel horny (and he does it for me big time) and the first time he made me feel it in person I was physically sick due to the intensity.

Our sexualities grow every month and I really am proud of mine and WandA's sexual journey together. But I do sometimes wonder where I would be if it weren't for him. I think I would only know how to have solo sex, I'd struggle to move that over to another person if that makes sense?

It is part of my person though - I am very detached from people - I love to be in the company of people but I remain detached from them. It's hard to explain because I think very few people are like me. I don't cry when people die, I don't feel any real loss. That's another thing WandA has done for me - he has taught me how to truely miss a person! Prior to him I was always very "in the moment" I was happy when I was with someone who made me happy but once they had gone, it had ended and I was living in a new moment. Hard to describe.

Going back to the feeling watched thing though perhaps it did trigger something - as I now enjoy the fantasy of being watched having sex by a big group of people (I'd hate it to ever happen but in fantasy land I love it :S).

Hope some of this makes sense. It's things I've never really considered before so it's just a big jumble of thoughts and probably far too in depth but hey ho, I've written it now hehe!

Ax

9

I can't say I've read this book Tigerlilies but it might raise some of the issues you talk about. Its written by a women who believes that in many cases child abuse isn't traumatic at the time (as its often done by friends/family etc..), she claims most children are confused but don't understand enough to be traumatised as most child abuse isn't violent. She claims that treating abuse as such leaves people who have suffered abuse feeling dirty for not being 'scarred' and it that causes them a lot of damage.

I guess the relevant bits might be that children are not 'sexual beings' curious maybe, but not sexual, and maybe this book might shed further light on such an issue concerning your point about treating children as mini sexual beings.

I neither have the expertise or want to delve in to such a dark and depressing topic! I'm too easy going! But reading this interview I found shed a bit of light from another angle that certain adults might ignore.

http://www.salon.com/books/int/2010/01/18/trauma_myth_interview/index.html

Bit off topic for this thread but it might be an interesting read to read the psychology of the psychologists which might itself be a little cloudy with such an emotional subject.

BumLovingCriminal wrote:

Ok, promise you won't laugh?

I got an electric toothbrush in my stocking one Christmas when I was younger, much younger, probably too young!. I'd always been curious about the pleasure of sex. I knew what sex was for (making babies) and from what my young, untainted mind had gathered, I understood that it felt nice. I'd heard about vibrators and figured this would make a good substitute. I played with it one night and experienced my first ever orgasm. It made me feel... womanly, I suppose. The fact that I had unleashed this force inside of me, this capacity to experience a pleasure never felt before that offered so much release, was extraordinary.

I firmly believe that you have to truly pleasure yourself before you can be truly pleasured by another, so I'd say this was the biggest awakening of my sexuality.

Stop laughing now, 'kay? :D

BLC <3

I think Tiger has opened a door to our side only psychiatrists see!

We must try to avoid Freudian slips...

Its strange what urges and feelings and actions can make us feel sexual or 'in tune' with our sexuality. On the face of it using a toothbrush can be a bit of a giggle but after that I'm sure plenty would understand your 'womenly' feeling.

Obviously being a man that isn't really what I feel! But I must say I sometimes notice when I see my sexy AdnaW wandering round in her skimpies it makes me feel manly in a primal way, such a simple mundane everyday sight can stir the beast in me! :P And... I like it! It makes me feel sexy and confident knowing shes mine and stirring all other silly 'caveman' desires!

10

Cheers, Wanda, that's a really interesting link. I don't think children are mini sexual beings as such but I found it confusing growing up with sex ed that told me to not be sexual at all and then suddenly switch it on on a certain birthday. In my experience my sexual journey began by being all about myself, my feelings and how I saw the world. Then when it was appropriate I felt it was ok to let other people into that world. At least I think that's a nice way to think about it.

Although considering I went to a high school where the main contraception was 'prayer' I'm amazed I turned out ok.

Oh funny story, at 17 my best friend has to explain to her boyfriend what a period was. *sigh* He shuddered and asked 'but...YOU don't do that. Do you???'

11

I think having studies art has a MAJOR influence too.

I still can't mentally resist mentally matching a lover's figure with their Caravaggio counterpart. Makes the national gallery a fun trip ;)

12

Tigerlilies wrote:

Cheers, Wanda, that's a really interesting link. I don't think children are mini sexual beings as such but I found it confusing growing up with sex ed that told me to not be sexual at all and then suddenly switch it on on a certain birthday. In my experience my sexual journey began by being all about myself, my feelings and how I saw the world. Then when it was appropriate I felt it was ok to let other people into that world. At least I think that's a nice way to think about it.

Although considering I went to a high school where the main contraception was 'prayer' I'm amazed I turned out ok.

Oh funny story, at 17 my best friend has to explain to her boyfriend what a period was. *sigh* He shuddered and asked 'but...YOU don't do that. Do you???'

Sorry, I should of been clearer, I meant how it annoys you children are treated as such.

Its a shame not everyone has the confidence to find their sexuality when it suits them or how it suits them.

A period? :S, You didn't tell us the ending... does she do that?

13

When I was about 11 I was in my mates and he went to do us something to eat. I was in their living room alone and his sister came in. She was about 17-20-ish thinking back (and I do a lot! Lol) and she started to sing the stripper song and indeed began to strip off! Da da da daaaa, da da da daaaa, off came her top leaving a bra and her jeans came off next with knickers left. I made a run for the door (comically!) I was laughing and bright red and she beat me to it and said in a sexy voice "where d'ya think you're going?" I darted into the other side of the room and she shockingly, thinking about it now! carried on singing and took her bra off then quick as a flash (no pun intended!) whipped her knickers off and the finale was her bent over looking at me through her own legs going ta-daaaaa! So I obviously got my first full on look at the female anatomy, pussy, arsehole the whole (no pun again!) shabang! She then ran out the room giggling! I thought to myself. . .I'll have a bit of that thankyou very much when I'm older!

It's never left me! :-) In a good way may I add!

Several other things have happened along lifes journey but that is something that will stay with me forever.

SG69

14

Ha! It would be brilliant had she taken advantage of the moment and said: 'no honey I don't. For I.....am the CHOSEN ONE.'

15

Whoops meant to quote Wanda above to show that I was replying to the 17 year old boy learning about periods story.

SG that sounds like a story you wouldn't forget!

16

Funnily enough. . . .My ex wife called me the other day (excuse me whilst I vomit. . .gag, splutter, baulk) she had sussed my son out who's 11, 12 in April looking at pics on his laptop of BBW's! The idiot had fell asleep with it still on, on his bed! Not as crafty as his dad then! So, she was going berserk. I said to her what's the problem? He's looking at pictures of naked women, big deal! I lost my virginity at 14 (not with her may I hasten to add!) not that I'm proud of it but from 11 most lads are thinking about women and their willy's I'm afraid and there's nothing you can do about it! I was being wanked off at 13 by local girls of 15! It's all going on out there.

She was well pissed off. She's blocked all porn searches now of course because at the end of the day he shouldn't be looking at them and it's illegal.

My daughter has been taking the piss out of him terribly. . . .and that is punishment enough believe you me!

SG69

17

Now if SG at 17 had of flashed a 11 year old.... Suppose the Daily Mail hadn't scared everyone to death about sexual predators by then!

At least the girl had confidence!

18

WandA wrote:

Now if SG at 17 had of flashed a 11 year old.... Suppose the Daily Mail hadn't scared everyone to death about sexual predators by then!

At least the girl had confidence!

And still has mate! I see her around now and again. Lovely looking gal too!

19

Aaaahhhhhh the unavoidable hormones.... you can't stop 'em but you can make things safer!

Time for the 'talk' SG?

"Here son, watch this DVD, it'll tell you all you need to know... just don't tell your mum."

20

SEXYGET 69 wrote:

WandA wrote:

Now if SG at 17 had of flashed a 11 year old.... Suppose the Daily Mail hadn't scared everyone to death about sexual predators by then!

At least the girl had confidence!

And still has mate! I see her around now and again. Lovely looking gal too!

Ever remind her you've seen her vulva? Drop it in the convo next time you see her! Go on... imagine her face! (for once!)