I agree with pretty much everyone else here... I think it was really bad to ask him to "pay for his orgasms" .. you shouldn't do that to your partner. In most relationships sex is a intimate, loving act.. not something for money.
I charge for domination or get gifts, however there is no penetrative sex involved.
I would never charge my partner for sex, sex is special between us.
You both need space in a relationship, especially as he has daughters of his own, they need some time alone with him.
You feel he is using you, he is paying for sex so feels he can use you. He is paying for your services.
You both need to sit down and work out what you want from the relationship. You also need to work out a different way of having enough money. If you really want to be paid for sex then look at being an escort, don't charge your partner though.
MasqueradeMinx wrote:
I charge for domination or get gifts, however there is no penetrative sex involved.
I would never charge my partner for sex, sex is special between us.
You both need space in a relationship, especially as he has daughters of his own, they need some time alone with him.
You feel he is using you, he is paying for sex so feels he can use you. He is paying for your services.
You both need to sit down and work out what you want from the relationship. You also need to work out a different way of having enough money. If you really want to be paid for sex then look at being an escort, don't charge your partner though.
Perfect.
MasqueradeMinx wrote:
I charge for domination or get gifts, however there is no penetrative sex involved.
I would never charge my partner for sex, sex is special between us.
You both need space in a relationship, especially as he has daughters of his own, they need some time alone with him.
You feel he is using you, he is paying for sex so feels he can use you. He is paying for your services.
You both need to sit down and work out what you want from the relationship. You also need to work out a different way of having enough money. If you really want to be paid for sex then look at being an escort, don't charge your partner though.
I could be reading this the wrong way but it seems you're implying the guy is at fault here by saying he feels he can use her. I dunno if that's strictly true when it's her who put the price tag on herself to begin with. If he loves her and wants sex, obviously he'll pay but that may be why he started becoming distant. It's possible he's not happy treating her that way (and not just because a dirty weekend would need him to re-mortgage his house) but because he may actually love her and feels that by her doing this, she's just taking the piss a little and using sex as some kind of bargaining tool.
If i read you wrong, i apologise.
Think she meant the same as you, CF, that her putting that price tag on her services gives him the right - and in face forces him - to use her, as he has paid for it.
I'm curious, why is it weekly? You can't be charging that much - bills aren't that high unless you're being frivilous - in which case maybe it'd be better if you asked for a couple of hundred every so often (assuming you have no other way of making ends meet) rather than twenty quid each week.
Just confusing why extorting money from your boyfriend by price-tagging your intimacy was your go-to solution.
I'm not going to say that what you are doing is right or wrong, as that's something you have to work out yourself. To me you actually seem very scared of something, whether that's trying within your relationship, being able to afford to live comfortably, or what you think of your self. I don't think the problem here is what he thinks of you, you seem to be doing the judging and you are the one who hasn't made up their mind whether it is right or wrong.
I think when changing for sex is a part of role play, it can be fun. I've done this a few times though often only have a fiver in play as a prop. I did talk with my partner about actually charging for sex between him and basically he said he would probably end up charging me for something else in our lives together. I don't just mean with money, it could be charged with a change in emotions, such as distancing. This can happen easily without meanuing to in relationships if you trap someone and take something away, they will take something away that you like too.... not sure if that makes sense.
Though my partner is willing to help me out with money and emotional problems without having to blackmail him, or trap him, or make things just generally differcult.
I think you need to draw a line between relationships and services. From my experience when both mix it can because very differicult and you just end up in more trouble than you started with.
Clown Feet wrote:
MasqueradeMinx wrote:
I charge for domination or get gifts, however there is no penetrative sex involved.
I would never charge my partner for sex, sex is special between us.
You both need space in a relationship, especially as he has daughters of his own, they need some time alone with him.
You feel he is using you, he is paying for sex so feels he can use you. He is paying for your services.
You both need to sit down and work out what you want from the relationship. You also need to work out a different way of having enough money. If you really want to be paid for sex then look at being an escort, don't charge your partner though.
I could be reading this the wrong way but it seems you're implying the guy is at fault here by saying he feels he can use her. I dunno if that's strictly true when it's her who put the price tag on herself to begin with. If he loves her and wants sex, obviously he'll pay but that may be why he started becoming distant. It's possible he's not happy treating her that way (and not just because a dirty weekend would need him to re-mortgage his house) but because he may actually love her and feels that by her doing this, she's just taking the piss a little and using sex as some kind of bargaining tool.
If i read you wrong, i apologise.
No, I wasn't blaming the guy. If you pay for a service whatever service that is you want to have it exactly right and you don't need to give anything in return as you have already paid. Be it car-washing, plumbers or paying for sex.
BashfulBabe wrote:
Think she meant the same as you, CF, that her putting that price tag on her services gives him the right - and in face forces him - to use her, as he has paid for it.
I'm curious, why is it weekly? You can't be charging that much - bills aren't that high unless you're being frivilous - in which case maybe it'd be better if you asked for a couple of hundred every so often (assuming you have no other way of making ends meet) rather than twenty quid each week.
Just confusing why extorting money from your boyfriend by price-tagging your intimacy was your go-to solution.
Exactly right.
Is he paying after every sex session or once for the week. If its his way of helping her why doesnt he just give it and to ask her to drop the money for sex comment. He must love her though. I think they must have discussed what she was asking for and he agreed so he isnt being used by her.
I find it interesting that a couple of people have "cut offs" as penetration. Is it because you find penetration is more intimate than other acts?
Just curious and interested!
Adxx
Alicia D'amore wrote:
I find it interesting that a couple of people have "cut offs" as penetration. Is it because you find penetration is more intimate than other acts?
Just curious and interested!
Adxx
For me yes. Domination is completely different to sex.
When I have sex with my partner, I make love. Yes it sounds gushy but I do. Even when we are role-playing or we are using bondage, toys etc. I can look into my partners eyes I can see lust but I also see devotion, adoration and love. When we have penetrative sex, I feel like I am on fire and the world stops, that this moment and this moment only is all that matters.
I could never sell that or do that with someone I didn't love. Never have done, never will do. Domination, is different, you are selling a service but there is no love, simply want.
That is why penetrative sex is my cut off.
Just to add, I won't give oral either, that is too initmate.
MasqueradeMinx wrote:
Alicia D'amore wrote:
I find it interesting that a couple of people have "cut offs" as penetration. Is it because you find penetration is more intimate than other acts?
Just curious and interested!
Adxx
For me yes. Domination is completely different to sex.
When I have sex with my partner, I make love. Yes it sounds gushy but I do. Even when we are role-playing or we are using bondage, toys etc. I can look into my partners eyes I can see lust but I also see devotion, adoration and love. When we have penetrative sex, I feel like I am on fire and the world stops, that this moment and this moment is all that matters.
I could never sell that or do that with someone I didn't love. Never have done, never will do. Domination, is different, you are selling a service but there is no love, simply want.
That is why penetrative sex is my cut off.
Just to add, I won't give oral either, that is too initmate.
Wow.. (In a good way)
^ Thanks I think, how do you mean wow?
MasqueradeMinx wrote:
Alicia D'amore wrote:
I find it interesting that a couple of people have "cut offs" as penetration. Is it because you find penetration is more intimate than other acts?
Just curious and interested!
Adxx
For me yes. Domination is completely different to sex.
When I have sex with my partner, I make love. Yes it sounds gushy but I do. Even when we are role-playing or we are using bondage, toys etc. I can look into my partners eyes I can see lust but I also see devotion, adoration and love. When we have penetrative sex, I feel like I am on fire and the world stops, that this moment and this moment only is all that matters.
I could never sell that or do that with someone I didn't love. Never have done, never will do. Domination, is different, you are selling a service but there is no love, simply want.
That is why penetrative sex is my cut off.
Just to add, I won't give oral either, that is too initmate.
So the cut off isn't *really* penetration - the cut off is the intimacy and love?
I understand how you mean - penetrative sex is very intensely emotional and intimate but I feel the same with oral and finger play and shared pleasure in many ways.
I do also find dominance and submission very intimate too but that's because I could only hand over that control to a partner I trust enough and that is very intimate....I guess there are certain times where that can be different (even if you find dom/sub intimate sometimes there may be certain styles or mood that aren't intimate), not that it's something I could do, I can understand it :).
Interesting though!
Adxx
Alicia D'amore wrote:
MasqueradeMinx wrote:
Alicia D'amore wrote:
I find it interesting that a couple of people have "cut offs" as penetration. Is it because you find penetration is more intimate than other acts?
Just curious and interested!
Adxx
For me yes. Domination is completely different to sex.
When I have sex with my partner, I make love. Yes it sounds gushy but I do. Even when we are role-playing or we are using bondage, toys etc. I can look into my partners eyes I can see lust but I also see devotion, adoration and love. When we have penetrative sex, I feel like I am on fire and the world stops, that this moment and this moment only is all that matters.
I could never sell that or do that with someone I didn't love. Never have done, never will do. Domination, is different, you are selling a service but there is no love, simply want.
That is why penetrative sex is my cut off.
Just to add, I won't give oral either, that is too initmate.
So the cut off isn't *really* penetration - the cut off is the intimacy and love?
I understand how you mean - penetrative sex is very intensely emotional and intimate but I feel the same with oral and finger play and shared pleasure in many ways.
I do also find dominance and submission very intimate too but that's because I could only hand over that control to a partner I trust enough and that is very intimate....I guess there are certain times where that can be different (even if you find dom/sub intimate sometimes there may be certain styles or mood that aren't intimate), not that it's something I could do, I can understand it :).
Interesting though!
Adxx
Basically yes.
In domination settings, I never receive or give direct pleasure, that is only between the OH and I.
I find dominating and submission intimate in some ways and then not intimate in others. If it is between the OH and I then it is intimate because we are close and there is love and trust involved. However, I am a completely different person while I dominate, I don't think of intimacy more of them being my play things. (Yes that sounds really bad) What I am trying to say is that I back off emotionally so there is simply raw want and desire but not intimacy.
It's hard to explain but I hope this has helped.
Clown Feet wrote:
This is like something from the Jeremy Kyle show. I'm sorry to sound harsh but for gods sake, you ask your man to pay for sex then wonder why he's acting distant? No matter what your situation is money-wise, there is always a way to make money without selling your body for sex, which is what you're doing. Like Laveila above said, cut down your spending. Sell something you don't need anymore. Asking your boyfriend to hand cash over after coming is a cold thing to do and would make the entire thing, for me at least, feel like some no strings attached transaction. That's not a normal situation. I'm not surprised how he's reacting at all. He could find someone else who loves him and doesn't charge and maybe that's what he's thinking.
I thought this was the leaked pilot script from the Jeremy Kyle show...
Bloody hell how confused am I, who is paying for what when and where!!!
Basicly i think most men pay for sex in their relationship although we dont hand over cash for sexual transactions but most of us enjoy spending money on our partners and would not see them go without. When my relationship with my partner got serious i paid off all her debts and overdrafts so we started our lives together on an even keel and although i did not do this for any sexual favours she was very very very grateful..... even now sometimes if she wants something that she can not afford she is very grateful if i buy it for her....
Right or wrong i dont know
let the arguements commence
maccess wrote:
Bloody hell how confused am I, who is paying for what when and where!!!
Basicly i think most men pay for sex in their relationship although we dont hand over cash for sexual transactions but most of us enjoy spending money on our partners and would not see them go without. When my relationship with my partner got serious i paid off all her debts and overdrafts so we started our lives together on an even keel and although i did not do this for any sexual favours she was very very very grateful..... even now sometimes if she wants something that she can not afford she is very grateful if i buy it for her....
Right or wrong i dont know
let the arguements commence
Sexilegs on the front page said:
I enjoy sex with my bf, but lately ive been abit skint, so ive let him know that i need money and will accept money off him after sex, and the extras he wants will be treated for cash, i feel abit guilty but he pays up for anal etc. Am i in the wrong?
She means just paying for sex in a relationship.
What you did/are doing is different. You wanted to settle down with a partner on neutral money ground and will buy her gifts every now and then.
maccess wrote:
Bloody hell how confused am I, who is paying for what when and where!!!
Basicly i think most men pay for sex in their relationship although we dont hand over cash for sexual transactions but most of us enjoy spending money on our partners and would not see them go without. When my relationship with my partner got serious i paid off all her debts and overdrafts so we started our lives together on an even keel and although i did not do this for any sexual favours she was very very very grateful..... even now sometimes if she wants something that she can not afford she is very grateful if i buy it for her....
Right or wrong i dont know
let the arguements commence
Completely different - contributing to your partner's welfare as part of a loving, committed and long term relationship is about a shared life together. You don't do it to receive sex and neither of you are under any impression that if you don't pay you won't get sex. You are not buying sex with your partner - you are investing in your relationship with the future mother of your children (if you plan that) and life sharer (if she has no debts - you'll have a house together sooner for example)
Completely different to a transaction where money is exchanged for sex.
Adx
After reading her other comments, they dont live together and she is skint due to her tax credits fucked up. She needed money to pay her bills and i dont think she wanted to but through necessity. We can all criticise but when we face hard times we turn to desperate acts. I dont come to judge her but can sympathise with her reasons for it. If he wants to pay her as a way of helping then thats their way. It mightnt be the best choice that i would choose but if he is ok with it then that their choices.
Sovereign I'm not sure who your post is aimed at in particular but she asked the question. Is she wrong for doing what she's doing.
I don't think many of us have outright judged that harshly by saying yes or no you're wrong because we're not in her shoes but the fact is she's having relationship problems and we're suggesting the two are linked.
She may well be messed up because of her tax credits but that does not mean she can't give him an orgasm unless he pays but yet he gives her one 'for free'.
And why not just ask to borrow the money, if you're in a stable relationship surely that is better?
If he feels uncomfortable maybe he should just say "have the money but not in return for favours".
The fact is, only she can know whats right and whats wrong but she asked us a question so we've answered it with our own opinions.