Me and my bf have been together for over a year now. I love him very much and I like to think he loves me just as much. We live separately but see each other at least every weekend. I was putting his laundry away this weekend and found a plastic sex doll that he has obviously used.
I am not at all a prude. I have worked in retail selling these things and I have many toys myself. However, finding this toy, I couldn’t help but feel as though I am not enough for him?
He justified it by saying that I have vibrators. I said that we use those together and that it is not even close to having a plastic body hidden in my wardrobe.
I know that I have insecurities but it’s still hurting me knowing that he wanted to buy a plastic woman when he has me.
Am I being crazy and unfair!?
I would say definitely talking to him more is the best step to go from here and expressing how you feel.
I think its also important to remember that it is a sex toy and plenty of people have them, including yourself, this one is just a little different than the others!
There are a lot less sex toys for men, and hey it's better than it being an actual girl hidden under the laundry!
He might have a higher sex drive and weekends might not be often enough. Also my boyfriend and I live together and both still enjoy our own time, even though we have a great sex life. Sometimes the variety is nice! I think try and keep an open mind, and talk to him more if it's really bothering you, but try and be understanding.
Hope you feel better about it soon :)
I don’t think you’re being crazy. Unfair, maybe. If he wants to use a sex toy in his own time then he’s completely within his right to do that. I often masturbate with a toy without my partner, not because he’s not enough for me, but because he’s not always around when the mood strikes. Sometimes I just want some time to myself to play around with different techniques and get to know my body and sometimes I just need a quick release and a toy is an easy way to do that. It’s no different to using a hand in my opinion.
There’s nothing wrong with having some solo time whilst in a relationship. It’s perfectly healthy in fact. It doesn’t mean you aren’t enough for him. I would talk to him about your concerns and see how he responds. What are you feeling insecure about? Him having solo time? Him owning a toy that’s realistic? The fact he hid it from you? That he hasn’t introduced it into your sex life together?
I will say that I don’t agree with him hiding this from you. Being honest is crucial to a relationship and hiding things can lead to resentment and insecurity from a partner. Is it possible that he thought you wouldn’t react well to him owning something like this and didn’t feel like he could discuss it with you?
You're not crazy, and although you may be upset over something that maybe some people would be ok with this, you're entitled to feel how you feel.
Sit down and think about how you feel and why and address it from that point of view. That way it's less likely to be accusatory towards him.
You could start a conversation such as "hey, I saw you have a sex doll, and I was a little concerned about it. It made me feel uncomfortable"
We all have our own limits and expectations within a relationship, and if you're not comfortable then you are best to mention it, just make sure you know where your limits lie, and be prepared to hear him out and comprimise.
Could your reaction be more due to shock than actual dislike?
As a man with a high drive to masturbate, I've never understood the point of these! However, I don't see the difference between toys for men or women - they are both masturbation aids, when used solo.
Your problem might be that he's seeking sexual gratification without you? As pointed out, at least it's with a sex doll and not a real person. My advice is to be pleased that that is the situation.
Maybe you could consider playing with him midweek via video skype or facetime?
I don't think he's wrong to own it - he is wrong to hide it. Though, giving him the benefit of the doubt he might have concealed it out of embarassment. Talk it through with him - maybe suggest incorporating it in some way to your time together - Just as you do with your toys.
I get why you might feel the way you do - but now it's out in the open a bit of a chat might make all the insecurities go away.
MDH wrote:
I don't think he's wrong to own it - he is wrong to hide it. Though, giving him the benefit of the doubt he might have concealed it out of embarassment. Talk it through with him - maybe suggest incorporating it in some way to your time together - Just as you do with your toys.
I get why you might feel the way you do - but now it's out in the open a bit of a chat might make all the insecurities go away.
Nice answer MDH 
meow! wrote:
Me and my bf have been together for over a year now. I love him very much and I like to think he loves me just as much. We live separately but see each other at least every weekend. I was putting his laundry away this weekend and found a plastic sex doll that he has obviously used.
I am not at all a prude. I have worked in retail selling these things and I have many toys myself. However, finding this toy, I couldn’t help but feel as though I am not enough for him?
He justified it by saying that I have vibrators. I said that we use those together and that it is not even close to having a plastic body hidden in my wardrobe.
I know that I have insecurities but it’s still hurting me knowing that he wanted to buy a plastic woman when he has me.
Am I being crazy and unfair!?
Hi meow!
People own sex toys for lots of different reasons - as mentioned, it may be that he has a high sex drive and feels the need to masturbate more regularly; it may be related to a certain fantasy he has; or it could simply be that he likes the variety in sensation. In most instances, it's unlikely to be a reflection on your sex life - and it's quite likely it's you he's thinking of when he uses it.
When people buy a sex toy for the first time, they often go for something recognisable/that they know other people use or they've seen in films or TV, which is why sex dolls and realistic strokers like Fleshlights are often a man's first solo purchase. They're familiar.
Maybe you could turn it on his head by browsing some men's toys together, and finding something that you're happy for him to use when you're not around and that you feel comfortable using during your time together, just like you use your vibrators. Might be worth checking out some non-realistic toys, if it's the lifelike aspect that's causing the worry?
You're entitled to feel uncomfortable with the idea of him having a sex doll, of course; but don't forget, he's also just as entitled to have it in the first place.
Thanks BigInBerks 
Nobody has yet asked how long he may have had it. You say you have been together for a year. Well it may well be that he had this doll for a while longer.
Then again it does appear that he has not made much of an effort to hide it, so take some comfort from that.
As many have commented it is not that different from you having a toy such as a realistic dildo.
Thank you all so much for your responses. It has truly made me feel better to express how I feel and to read your advice.
Upon reflection, I think what upset me was seeing this ‘perfect’ doll with big bouncy breasts and a perfect pussy that fed into my own insecurities about my body. As NatandTom mentioned, it’s normal to just want a quick release as often I do myself and I don’t have an issue of him doing that at all. It must just be the form of the doll that got me thinking. He bought a toy before which I had no problem with and was excited to use together! (It was a cock ring with a prostate massager).
Sammi Cole - thank you for your point about him maybe just buying something familiar that he has seen before, I hadn’t considered that before.
I think that because he doesn’t have the biggest sex drive and quite often he doesn’t cum or sometimes finds it difficult to when we have sex, that maybe I’m not ‘perfect’ enough for him. I understand that these are my own insecurities though.
MDH he did hide it out of embarrassment and possibly because he was worried about my reaction when I saw it as he had previously said that he would never buy one of these things.
After we spoke about it he said that he used it once but didn’t enjoy it. I think that’s more to do with the quality however as he said he ordered it from China for £20 😂
I think it may now be time to do some Christmas shopping on love honey to find a toy for him that I am comfortable with that he can use alone and we can use together.
Thanks again for people taking the time to reply and reassuring me!
Lots of love xx
Hi meow have you seen the flesh light range it might be the way forward for you both. Hope this helps🙂
Hi meow have you seen the flesh light range it might be the way forward for you both. Hope this helps🙂
Sorry double posted☹️
meow! wrote:
Thank you all so much for your responses. It has truly made me feel better to express how I feel and to read your advice.
Upon reflection, I think what upset me was seeing this ‘perfect’ doll with big bouncy breasts and a perfect pussy that fed into my own insecurities about my body. As NatandTom mentioned, it’s normal to just want a quick release as often I do myself and I don’t have an issue of him doing that at all. It must just be the form of the doll that got me thinking. He bought a toy before which I had no problem with and was excited to use together! (It was a cock ring with a prostate massager).
Sammi Cole - thank you for your point about him maybe just buying something familiar that he has seen before, I hadn’t considered that before.
I think that because he doesn’t have the biggest sex drive and quite often he doesn’t cum or sometimes finds it difficult to when we have sex, that maybe I’m not ‘perfect’ enough for him. I understand that these are my own insecurities though.
MDH he did hide it out of embarrassment and possibly because he was worried about my reaction when I saw it as he had previously said that he would never buy one of these things.
After we spoke about it he said that he used it once but didn’t enjoy it. I think that’s more to do with the quality however as he said he ordered it from China for £20 😂
I think it may now be time to do some Christmas shopping on love honey to find a toy for him that I am comfortable with that he can use alone and we can use together.
Thanks again for people taking the time to reply and reassuring me!
Lots of love xx
This was really great to hear! I'm really glad you sorted it all out :)
I'm with Scotsman the Fleshlights are really good!
Just seen this thread and I'm glad you have it all sorted now. If your looking for a male toy that can be used solo or as a couple then I would recommend either the thrust range of toys or a fleshlight.
Very pleased you've got a resolution, Well done for addressing the issue!
Sounds like he'll be getting some very interesting presents at Christmas.