Hi all,
Im a 31yo male and have been married for 9 years,
Me and my wife get along really well, but in the sex life area i feal its getting repetitive, when we was younger we done everything and anything with limits of cource, we 3 years ago from now my wife threw the goody bag of toys and other stuff in the bin and basicly said not intrested anymore, mabe its because we have 2 young boys now, but when i ask she said to old now she is 29 by the way,,, so over the last 3 years its just roll on roll off, and i feal bad because i last about 15 minuites :(,, and it really gets me down sometimes, but always stimulate the clitorus before so she has defiantly had her enjoyment, then always climaxes when we have sex, we are at it 3 times a week sometimes more, 4 weeks ago i got a cock ring, dildo, and love eggs, we used them for the first week and she enjoyed all of them very much like very very , she even let me do oral on her, the problem is now 3 weeks later she wont let me use any of the toys at all and have only uaed then once each, everytime i mentiin it she says narr,no, or id rather you, i just want to do other stuff and it does turn me on more using other thing and oral etc because it makes her happy well i think,,, i need advice to spice things up how do i go about it its weird,
Possibly not the best person to help you here as I like anything and everything and as much of it as I can get !
We all go through stages, changes if you like, throughout our lives and go off things and suddenly like new things - sex is no exception. Communication is so important in any relationship. Could you tell your wife what you've told us. Don't do it in an accusatory manner, just explain that you really love her and want her. You enjoy sex with her but feel that you could give her even more pleasure and you'd like to do that for her. Ask her if she 'd like to maybe have a browse on Lovehoney together and choose some things that she'd like you to try with her ? Would she like you to buy her some sexy lingerie maybe too ?
It could be that she's really tired, 2 young children to look after can be draining. Is there anyone who could have the children for a night occasionally so you could have sometime to yourselves ? Give her a nice massage maybe, soft music, etc.
As you say she obviously enjoys the toys it sounds as though she may just be finding it all a bit too much effort if she's really tired xx
Terri JJ wrote:
Possibly not the best person to help you here as I like anything and everything and as much of it as I can get !
We all go through stages, changes if you like, throughout our lives and go off things and suddenly like new things - sex is no exception. Communication is so important in any relationship. Could you tell your wife what you've told us. Don't do it in an accusatory manner, just explain that you really love her and want her. You enjoy sex with her but feel that you could give her even more pleasure and you'd like to do that for her. Ask her if she 'd like to maybe have a browse on Lovehoney together and choose some things that she'd like you to try with her ? Would she like you to buy her some sexy lingerie maybe too ?
It could be that she's really tired, 2 young children to look after can be draining. Is there anyone who could have the children for a night occasionally so you could have sometime to yourselves ? Give her a nice massage maybe, soft music, etc.
As you say she obviously enjoys the toys it sounds as though she may just be finding it all a bit too much effort if she's really tired xx
Sound advice. Listen to the ladies on here and you can't go far wrong.
Thanks, what you said makes sence, mabe we should have a plan as it is a little hectic as we both work etc, will have a chat with her and see what happends thanks xx
I'm a little odd so my advice may be unusual. Buy her a waterproof toy a bullet for her clit if this is what she likes, then run her a bath, light a few candles and take the kids out to the park for an hour or two.
I think if you give her a little alone time, time to relax and play with herself she might get in the mood. I'm sure she would appreciate some child free time, and hopefully if you play your cards right she might let you in on why she is less interested in toys and experimentation. A sensual massage and offering her oral might be a toy less way to get her attention.
i hope this helps.
Such a shame. I think you need to sit down with her and have a talk with her. Something could be bothering her. Maybe talking with her loving husband will get things off her chest and she may open up.
Good luck.
Don't underestimate how much women can get in "mom mode"... taking care of everyone else and having nothing left for herself. It is a sex drive killer. Please avoid "nagging" her it can make it worse. Instead see if you can lighten the load or help her relax more.
I would recommend sitting down and talking to her about how she is feeling but do it at a time when she is not stressed with the children. I would also suggest that when having sex you focus on pleasing her to make her feel special. Don't worry it may take a long time for her to be relaxed enough to concentrate on feeling it 1 to 2 hours. Remember ladies should always come first!
You could try getting some sexy stories for her to read to put he in the mood. Encourage her to get adventurous and not just lie still or she may just get sleepy or start worrying about what else she should be doing.
As suggested above choose a toy from LH but look for a simple vibrator which is not intimidating and quiet that you can both use to stimulate her clit, too noisy can be off putting. When using it have fun together and encourage her to show you how she likes it which is likely to change depending what mood she is in.
You could even look after the children and let her go upstairs ahd have some "me time" with the toys to rediscover herself.
It will not work every time, nothing is a magic solution you just have to keep trying, relax and keep it stress free.
I dont think this is that unusual if you are a parent i am aftraid. kids is pretty full on and as a mother i am afraid shagging probably isnt her top priority and it is hard to get in the mood.
Are you kids young? If so i think your sex life is pretty typical for many people including me for many years. Putting it in the diary to fit it in isnt much fun and waking up the kids with humping is a passion killer.15mins is okay if you have kids, really when do you ever thave the time to go at it 1-2 hrs regularly when they are really young? you really have to plan a long session!
I agree with Penny26. She probably needs some time to herself and not just upstrairs. Can you do anything more to ligthen the load on occasions so she can think of something else other than kids? Give her a night in the bath and then give her a massage after. Give her a night off to go and do something. And dont pressure her, you will just get blowback. It might take a while (is in a few years)
Now are kids are a bit older we have come out the other side and we are getting back to old ways and its bloody brilliant. Hang in there mate
I wouldn't worry buddy - even as a guy in a younger relationship without kids you come to learn that women are creatures of the here and now and sometimes, whether it's 'Mum Mode' or simply just hormones or stress, that they go through phases of high and low libido - or indeed they take a notion for sex with a particular appeal.
You're in a great position in the fact that she's still very much wanting to be sexually active on a regular basis - it could be much worse. Rather than trying to force things on her, try involving her and giving her the control. As in previous posts, maybe it would be great to sit down together and let her pick out something that appeals to her - she may even shock you with something you weren't expecting.
As exilerating and primal as sex can feel sometimes, when it comes to women and relationships, sometimes it's more about the intamcy - maybe that's what she wants from it right now.
Finally, don't worry about how long you last - if she's enjoying an orgasm I don't think she'll be complaining - I know from my experience most women are happy for the majority of time to be spent on foreplay and not need to take a 40 minute pounding just to get there.
Communication is always key!
Good luck