Need advice on how to orgasm

I need some advice on how to achieve that perfect 'O'.

I have a boyfriend and our sex life is great and I enjoy it but I have never had an orgasm.I can feel myself getting there however I find myself not being able to let go and then I just stop and it loses the feeling. The same whenever I solo play with myself, I could be playing with my clit with a vibrator and it becomes really sensitive but then I stop.

I don't know whether it's because my mind isn't completely relaxed. If not, does anyone have any advice on how to clear your mind? Or any tips in general. I want to enjoy sex that bit more and get the full pleasure out of it.


Hi. I find that rather than clearing my mind I need to focus on a sexy thought (or watch porn) during solo to get to orgasm. Once you can get there solo hopefully that will help with your BF. Good luck xc

GoGirl12 wrote:

This may be obvious but move the vibrator around your whole pussy area, clit, lips, vulva, upper thigh etc. kind of tease the whole area.

I second this one.

The tip of the clitoris can easily be overstimulated and numbed by buzzy vibrations. The rumbly vibrations from a wand toy may be a good alternative to help you to stimulate more deeply.

The 'legs' of the clitoris (kinda like wishbones) wrap around the side walls of the vagina. There are also 'bulbs that are bit like wings that sit behind. So much of the clitoris is hidden inside the body. So many ways to play!

I love the suggestion of erotic fiction too. The mind is the biggest sex organ, as they say.

I totally recommend enjoying the journey and not focussing on the destination. Give yourself time, apply plenty of good lube, and explore what gives you pleasure, and feels hot.

Good luck!

Excellent advice from everyone - the only thing I can add it to give clitoral stimulation time. A lot of time. If you think it just isn't going to happen after 20 mins of using a bullet or vibrator then give it another 20. And, as others have said, if one area starts to feel desensitised, move to another for a while. Play with different settings. Some toys mimic oral, some mimic fingerwork.

Most women need a lot longer for clit stimulation than we think. Relaxing and fantasising can help too, but mostly, in my experience, it is time.

Oh - was going to add, if you are exploring with your boyfriend as well as solo then don't be afraid to follow all of this advice anyway. Get him to help with the toys? If you have an orgasm through prolonged clitoral stimulation you will be more than ready for him! Penetration feels good even when it doesn't lead to female orgasm - so it still feels good if you orgasm first thorough other means. About 70-80% of women don't orgasm through penetration, but still enjoy sex. So, ladies first seems like a good plan to me :-)

As has already been mentioned you may find that a vibrator with more powerful but lower frequency rumbly vibrations is better as your clitoris is less likely to become over sensitised.

It may aslo be worth trying a suction toy rather than a vibrator.

The NHS UK website has information which may help you find the root cause of the issue.

Focusing too much on the end goal which is a orgasm can make it harder to come because you are putting pressure on yourself to do so, try and relax, don't put expectations upon yourself and enjoy the sensations, not so much the orgasm itself, less you think about it, easier it will be. When it comes to vibes, the type of vibration can make a massive difference. I found vibes that are too buzzy always made me go numb even after a short amount of usage, when I used vibes that had deeper rumbles, higher quality and surrounded by silicone and not plastic always felt much better and didn't send me numb even after long usage.

Just wondering ...are you too afraid to let go in case you squirt?

I used to be the same, I found I was stopping myself from enjoying the moment as I was way too sensitive and I just couldn’t let go the same with solo play and I put too much pressure on myself to the point where I would just want sex to be over and done with same with solo play. I found what helped me (may not help anyone else though) is I used to make time for myself To make myself feel good (if you know what I mean) I used to either dress up nice or even some nice pjs 😂 and then would have some alone time and taken my time with my toys and I found what worked for me with toys and I’ve got a few toys so I used each one to figure out which one worked best for me and it helped me mentally get out of the ‘I can’t do it’ phase And helped release the pressure which also helped when it came to having sex as well As i used toys during sex which helped a lot. Also talk to your boyfriend about it there’s nothing wrong with not being able to have an orgasm either during sex or solo play! I used to feel so disappointed and a major let down to my ex when I couldn’t orgasm when we had sex but when we talked about it that also taken some pressure off as well. Don’t know if this will help at all. But the advice above is all top notch as well.