Hi I'm a newbie and im looking for advice on what's best to use to get an orgasm I've tried the eggs and a rabbit but I'm too tense my hubby says . I think in my 43 years I might have got 3 orgasms :-(
depends how much your willing to spend. A doxy will work, but if you are too tense, then toys wont have much effect, you need to look into various ways to relax. Massage, aromatherapy, hot baths, communication, candles, etc etc.
I found it very hard to have an orgasm, with toys, because I was sooo tense, my head was going fifty to the dozen which takes you away from the *experience*
Personally, I think you need to reconnect with ur own body first... Thinking you are tense will make you tense.. See if to your hands and fingers can do the trick.
If you like rabbits the greedy girl in fsog can get me off in under a minute as can my Lovehoney wand...
I think try a bath, candles and have a play urself and reconnect.. .. Hope u find something that suits you xx
First and foremost I would say that you really need to relax! I know it's easier said than done, but if you focus so much on trying to come and the fact that it's hard then it really does make it a lot harder.
A lot of it is mental, so I would suggest setting the scene- candles, music, a relaxing bath together if you're into romantic stuff, or perhaps something a little more kinky like watching porn together if that's what you're into. Basically whatever is going to get you revved up. Then I suggest taking your time about it (set aside an evening where you can spend hours building up to it), teasing each other and getting thoroughly turned on. Maybe he could tie your wrists together with a scarf and blindfold you to make the sensations more intense, if that's something you think you might enjoy.
In terms of toys, it is very variable from person to person. I recently got one of these and think it is amazing- and whilst it is very powerful, you can set it at a lower speed and the sensation is absolutely fantastic (I wrote a review on it too):
http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=31087
If this seems a bit much for your first go, perhaps something like this would be better (I have one and the vibrations are quite intense on a smaller spot):
http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=27581
Or you could try something between the two power-wise and go for a bullet, maybe something like this:
http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=22122
I think the thing to realise is that it is not all about the destination (excuse the cliche)- the amount of fun you can have together in getting there plays a big part too! Hope that helps a bit and best of luck x
I only started having orgasms about a year ago. Prior to that I was convinced my body wasn't wired right for orgasms. It wasn't until I got a kindle and started reading erotica that I realised my problem was.
For me it was that I had no idea what turned me on, once I tapped into bondage/bdsm/toys etc It was like I'd found the magic switch. Obviously this isn;t the case for everyone. But I do think sometimes we need to explore ourselves a little bit to unlock what makes us feel turned on.
What makes you feel relaxed and what makes you feel really horny? Those things could make a real difference.
There are so many toys here to pick from, and I now have lots, but I know none of them would have work a few years back, because i just wasn't in the right frame of mind.
Also when I first figured out that orgasms were achievable I couldn't only get there when drunk , I'm sure because I was totally relaxed. Thankfully I can now get there sober, as being drunk for sex all the time would have caused issues I'm sure, lol
Good luck and I hope you get lot of helpful advice
x
x
I am still experiencing the same thing Lady S
I do not relax easily, though my mind is no where near as busy as it was before and I have less fears/concerns about my self. ..Well I am being an enemy to my self . I realised there was noting good coming from putting my self under pressure to have an orgasm.
If your not relaxed and comfortable then your sexy exeperience will fall short, no matter what toys you have and who you are with. Of course there are other factors involved, emotionally and even spiritually.
I agree with exploration, its a very personal journey, and you do not need to share it, if you do not want to.
Be gentle on your self, curious, some of the toys that has been linked are very good too! I am all for power, but I realize that this creates issues certainly if you become codependant on it
i need advice on how to put the batteries of my mini massage wand, cause it has been impossible to open the compartiment down 
Hands alep a hammer?
SensualFire wrote:
I am still experiencing the same thing Lady S
I do not relax easily, though my mind is no where near as busy as it was before and I have less fears/concerns about my self. ..Well I am being an enemy to my self . I realised there was noting good coming from putting my self under pressure to have an orgasm.
If your not relaxed and comfortable then your sexy exeperience will fall short, no matter what toys you have and who you are with. Of course there are other factors involved, emotionally and even spiritually.
I agree with exploration, its a very personal journey, and you do not need to share it, if you do not want to.
Be gentle on your self, curious, some of the toys that has been linked are very good too! I am all for power, but I realize that this creates issues certainly if you become codependant on it
It's such an interesting topic and it fascinates me. How we can lock ourselves away from some experiences by how we view ourselves and we connect to our own being, whether that's physically or mentally, or in my case both.
I have gone from no orgasms, to being multi-orgasmic, in some cases being able to orgasm from very little stimulation and squirting too. It's a bit mad. Shows how the right mindset really can make all the difference.
I actually started just with my fingers and no toys at all, at the point I only owned one okay-ish competitor toy (this was before i found the wonderful LH) I would just read the horniest of horny stories and by the end I'd be all fired up. Even now I find the likes of the magic wand have no effect on me, power is not my friend, lol.
x
Hi and welcome! Have your orgasms been on your own or with your hubby? I found that it was only after I'd found out what works for me on my own that I could climax with my hubby. I felt so awkward that he was working away so hard to try and get me to orgasm, and the pressure to "perform" really put me off. A rabbit works really well for me usually. Could you try and have some quality time to yourself, with no pressure? Have a nice relaxing bath and a glass of wine and experiment. If you're only having to worry about yourself then it might be easier. Good luck 🍀curious 43 wrote:
Hi I'm a newbie and im looking for advice on what's best to use to get an orgasm I've tried the eggs and a rabbit but I'm too tense my hubby says . I think in my 43 years I might have got 3 orgasms :-(
Hmmm I am giving some thought on starting a thread about Orgasms. But from a tantra sensual approach.
I still have a lot of fear its all stored in my body, and so I need to start having regular massages and get back into meditations too
I agree with glam, if you cant have an orgasm by your self with your self, then the experience with another, will be limited..is that the right word...
SensualFire wrote:
Hmmm I am giving some thought on starting a thread about Orgasms. But from a tantra sensual approach.
I still have a lot of fear its all stored in my body, and so I need to start having regular massages and get back into meditations too
I agree with glam, if you cant have an orgasm by your self with your self, then the experience with another, will be limited..is that the right word...
You should, I don't know much about tantra, or anything would be more precise, lol, but I'd sure be interested in hearing it.
I think also being able to communicate honestly with your partner too. Sadly I had a partner who sexually i just couldn't talk to and I was mortified talking bout what I wanted. But with the right partner it's a whole different ball game. Not saying everyone needs new partners, that's just my scenario, but making sure you are totally open with the partner you have, otherwise i think the journey you take together in terms of physical enjoyment will also be limited.
I agree about the partner thing
Partner means exactly that :) Mine is not exactly the best at taking about his emotions and sexua needs 