Need an explanation please!

Sex Tips & Talk
1

Hi,

I need advice, when trying to seduce my husband last night he said he wasn't in the mood as he wouldn't be able to get fully hard and there is no point. So suggested a naked sleep to see what progressed. Which was nothing! So feeling disappointed 😔

I just wondered why men can get in these 'moods' and can't get a full on hard on?

To be fair to him we have got a young daughter and is up early every morning so could it be due to being tired?

Any advice would be appreciated.
Thanks in advance. X

2

Probably tiredness, try him one random afternoon if you get a chance, I'm sure he will jump on you,

3

Thanks for the reassurance, was worried it was me?

4

Definitely don't take it personally! I know it can feel like rejection but chances are that he's really just tired, since like you said, he has to get up early. Kids can be a handful! See if you could get someone to watch your daughter so that you both can have a free day together (maybe over the weekend). I'm sure he'd be raring to go then! c:

5

Know how this can feel Yummy, but like others say try not to take rejection personally.

Use the opportunity if you're horny and he's not, to have some solo fun ;)

6

Hi Yummy_Mummy_86,

Did he say why he wouldn't be able to get fully hard? It seems odd that he would turn you down by saying that if there wasn't an underlying reason.

It's very easy to take his lack of wood as a form of rejection or feel that you aren't good enough. My OH started this way too. However, as guys, there are so many reasons why we may not get hard or stay hard, rather than it always be about our partner. Here are a few questions that you could ask yourself, and if you answer yes on any one of them, it could be the reason:

Is he really tired at the moment? Does he have a lot of stress/anxiety in his life? Does he find it hard to turn off from the stresses of daily life? Is there something particular on his mind? Does he have low self-esteem at the moment? Does he find it hard to get erect often? Have you had an argument recently? Is it usually you who tries to instigate sex, and if so, does he just have a lower sex-drive than you?

These are just a handful of questions you can ask yourself. The key thing to note is that there shouldn't be able real blame attributed to either party. I have had it in the past where I was super tired from working late every night on a project and I couldn't switch off and I was so tired. When I tried to get hard, it just wasn't happening, and if it did, it was only fleeting. Even after the project ended and everything died down, I still found it hard to get it up. The reason was that I was trying to hard mentally to start and keep my erection that it wasn't working. Have you ever tried so hard to come that you actually take longer? Well it's the same sort of thing.

My best advice would be to sit down and communicate with him with the above questions in mind, but remember that blame can set things back. If it's none of the above, then perhaps try talking about what you both like and dislike in the bedroom, but quite casually. Maybe trying something new could re-spark his drive.

Best of luck with it all, and if you have any further questions, please ask.

7

Probably tiredness but try not to make a big deal of it as it can become a spiral.

I've been having trouble getting it up over the last couple of years - down to a lot of things - on antidepressants after losing my day, I'm overweight, two kids so we don't get many opportunities which increases the pressure to perform.

There's been times where my OH can't even get me hard by wanking me and she got upset about that as she's got issues about her weight etc but I told her it was me.

I've tried viagra a few times which works really well apart from the headaches.

8

Thank you everyone for your advice, I think it is due to tiredness to be honest, plus his job can be quite stressful and sometimes he can't switch off from work.

I think it's been hard for us both as my daughter is only just started sleeping through since I had her. Which takes its toll on us both. I'm hoping things start to get better soon.

Thank you again.
x

9

Thank you everyone for your advice, I think it is due to tiredness to be honest, plus his job can be quite stressful and sometimes he can't switch off from work.

I think it's been hard for us both as my daughter is only just started sleeping through since I had her. Which takes its toll on us both. I'm hoping things start to get better soon.

Thank you again.
x

10

I think you're right. Don't put pressure on yourselves, enjoy kissing and cuddling, smuggling up together etc. Sex is important but so is just enjoying being close and together xx

11

I'm into practical solutions, so have you thought of getting hima stroker so he can play with himself when he feels like it. And maybe a cockring.

if he remembers how good the feelings are im sure he will be back on top form.

one of my favourite things to do if my OH says no, is to massage him while he is in the bath, then start playing with myself, and give him a blowjob when he gets hard from watching me. The amount of times he has had me over the bath after this is uncountable.

12

Fun Louise wrote:

I'm into practical solutions, so have you thought of getting hima stroker so he can play with himself when he feels like it. And maybe a cockring.

if he remembers how good the feelings are im sure he will be back on top form.

one of my favourite things to do if my OH says no, is to massage him while he is in the bath, then start playing with myself, and give him a blowjob when he gets hard from watching me. The amount of times he has had me over the bath after this is uncountable.

I like your practical solutions fun louise! Cock rings definitely help maintain hardness and there are so many varieties. If he's worried about it being too tight there are adjustable ones and stretchy ones.

Massage in the bath and a blow job is a good idea too :)

sometimes a guy likes it when their woman takes things into her own hands, pun intended ![](upload://h7LJ67OOrR57VDYrj5ZEwwHAfLG.gif)

13

stress tiredness try penis pump febore and using a cock ring :)

14

I get up at 5am, by the time we might go to bed say 11pm, I've been awake for 18 hours with about 5 hours sleep the night before, so you can see why I just want to go to sleep or am not responsive say,, add the OH may only have been up 11 hours at 11pm

15

The same reason sometimes you're not in the mood. Tiredness, stress at work, stress with friends, stress with children, random stress with no reason, stress about being back off a holiday, stress about preparing for a holiday, low self esteem because a t shirt doesn't fit him. Basically, it just happens, it's not that he isn't attracted to you or doesn't want sex particularly with you, he just doesn't want sex. My OH does it quite a bit, he has a mega stressful job, it used to hurt me but now it's just normal

16

Yummy_Mummy_86 wrote:

Hi,

I need advice, when trying to seduce my husband last night he said he wasn't in the mood as he wouldn't be able to get fully hard and there is no point. So suggested a naked sleep to see what progressed. Which was nothing! So feeling disappointed 😔

I just wondered why men can get in these 'moods' and can't get a full on hard on?

To be fair to him we have got a young daughter and is up early every morning so could it be due to being tired?

Any advice would be appreciated.
Thanks in advance. X

Speaking as a male, who's 4 year old hasn't slept through once since being born. I agree with others, it's probably a combination of being tired and stressed.

It's amazing how quickly a lack of sleep or a disruption to your sleeping patterns can mess you up.

Personally i've found if i'm horny earlier in the day, it stays with me and it doesn't matter how tired i am when we get the chance to "play". You could maybe try a bit of sexting during the day / when he's on his way home from work, or give him a bit of a tease earlier in the evening to "get his motor running".

You'll know your partner better than we will and will know what will work for you two.

But yeah like you (women), some days we (men) are just too knackered to be interested. If it happens again, try not to take it too personally.

17

The general expectation is that a man can get a hard-on at the drop of a bra strap and keep it until his partner's ready to take it.

Unfortunately, for many reason, some of which are outlined above, it it doesn't always go like that. And as is also pointed out, it can spiral into a blame game and a turn-off for both of you.

You do both need to be focused on each other, but the crucial thing, in my view, is to take it as it comes and be inventive wihtout being judgmental. I find it a big turn-off if Mrs P. is all over me when I would prefer a more subtle approach, and I do suffer from 'the expectation', especially as I'm now pushing 60 and have been fairly ill on and off for the last few years.

As it happens, all men find it harder to get it up and keep it up as they age; add illness, stress and obesity on top and you can be struggling in your 30s! If this is beginning to happen to you, it's a good idea to review how you 'do sex'; it will probably work better if the woman gives your penis as much attention as you are gioving her - if it won;t get or stasy hard, you just need to do more work on it!

Plus, you need a plan B for when it just won't come out to play. Whether that's cuddles, manual stimulation of each other, sex toys, or even just both of you wanking in front of each other doesn't matter much. The important thing is that you can be intimate without the spectre of the floppy elephant in the room.

Me, I'm perfectly happy to use a dildo or strap-on on Mrs. P. if I can't persuade Percy to perform, though some men would find that demeaning. I just think it's a great way of giving her a good rodding on the days she feels the need for that sort fo sex. Other days we might just cuddle, or do some oral or whatever. Another of my favourites is to do a 69 with Mrs. P on top, giving me oral access to her bits and the opportunity to get a dildo in should the need arise.

Don't get misled by porn into thinking sex always goes on for hours and erections take care of themselves. They might, but they don't always. And ladies, it's almost never the case that he's gone off you; just remember that it's a bit like having trifle for breakfast - it can be done but it's easy to see why not everybody is up for it at a given moment.

And while we're at it, sometimes a small lifestyle change can pay handsome dividends in the readiness stakes - a bit more exercise; one less drink; you know the things you should be doing!