Need some advice!

been with my partner for18 months and we are very happy.

we trust each other, we dont fight, we communicate etc. i know all about his past and its never bothered me before until recently.

only because a woman that he has been friend with for 13 years has suddenly started bothering with him.

they have had sex more than once many years ago and i do trust him, i just dont trust her.

she was in a 2 year relationship with his best friend and she wasnt allowed to see my bf then because her bf was very jelous and controlling, and because her bf was coming round to see us she got jelous and thought he fancied me (she told me this the other night when i first met her).

she spent a night getting drunk with my bf when he was meant to be coming to see me and then she ended a relationship the day before valentines day and got in touch with my bf on valentines day and we spent all day in the pub with her.

i wanted to get to know her and not be jealous but its hard when shes so flirty with him. she also told my bf that i was giving her funny looks?! my bf's best friend wont speak to him now because she is back in contact with my bf.

am i just being jealous and paranoid, or is she trying to cause problems?

there is a lot more that's gone on years ago with them because she is his childrens auntie (complicated i know!) just dont know if im being irrational and seeing things that aren't there or whether she is trying to cause problems?

any advice would be much appreciated.

wow ok so I managed to get to the end of all that lol.

firstly welcome.


If you trust him then at the moment I can't see anything to be jealous of.

Maybe she got back in touch with him as she feels a little lost and has noone she can trust to turn to?

seems to be a lot of history going on here - and complicated at that.

he est thing you should do is tell your boyfriend of your concerns. Be careful with this though because he may throw it back at you.

You need to let him know what it is you are uncomfortable with as it is up to him to distance the contact he has with her, or at the very least involve you a bit more and confide in you more as to his/her conversations etc.

Hope this works as jealousy just breeds contempt and that is never good for anyone concerned!

I think in that situation I'd feel jealous even though I'd trust my partner. I'd be pretty annoyed with him if he spent Valentines day at the pub with another woman too.

The only similar situation I've had with my partner that I can draw experience from is that a girl who he'd messed around with in the past kept turning up at his house while I wasn't there and being really flirty with him. And it's just like you say - I trust my partner, but I don't trust her. And sometimes it's hard to be a bit socially rude with someone and tell them to back off, even if you're not interested you kind of let them get away with a bit much so as to not hurt their feelings. It got to a point where this girl was sitting on my partner's lap and being really handsy with him, which she thought she could get away with because I wasn't there at the time. The thing that made me feel better about it is that my partner told me about it afterwards, and that eventually he just told her to go away. I can't imagine him being at all receptive to it, and that's the most important part for me.

But yeah, I can see why you'd feel worried about this even though you trust your partner. Maybe talk to him about it as best you can and see if he's feeling like she's flirting with him too... Perhaps you'd feel better about it all if it felt more like you and your partner were sharing the experience a bit more, and to be reassured that he's not interested in her.

Good luck :)

Thank you for your advice everyone. We have discussed the issue and he now can see why i reacted the way i did. Sometimes he doesn't see what the problem is until its simplified!! We are ok now and she hasnt shown her face for a while so hopefully it will be plain sailing from now on!! and if she gets in touch again he know how i feel about it!


Not sure if your still taking advice but it's always difficult when you may have a problem with an individual who was in your other halfs life before you were. History is a powerful factor and it can easily play a part against you. Good you and your partner have spoken about it, sometimes miscommunication can be the biggest problem in these situations because your left to your imagination and that can easily run wild and get you worked up. If the problem does arrise again I believe it should be your other half who speaks to this woman and it will probably be recieved better by her if it's coming from him.

Keep us updated and goodluck.


I'd talk honestly and open with your partner about it, find out his feelings and take on everything. Let him know you're uncomfortable, and you say you trust him any way so it's likely that he will be able to allay a lot of your concerns.

Good luck with it!