Negative body image?

Good Day all,

Hope you are having a fantastic day

Long story short, wife and I fell head of heels for each, got married, become parents to 2 and need sex understandably fell away for my wife and I accepted for sometime id just take of myself when needed.

It’s been 5 years since or last addition to the family, but our sexual life is non existent. I say sexual life because it’s not just actually the act of sex I miss, it’s the flirty banter, the build up to some action, the feeling of wanting someone and not being made to feel (unintentionally) shameful for doing so. But also feeling physically wanted by someone.

I have tried everything to reduce stress, as I am self employed and work from home I do 90% school runs, lunches, house work.

And I think I have come to to the conclusion that it’s how negative my wife is about her body that is what’s stopping her reclaiming her.

I am kind lost as to how to help her? I tell her all the time beautiful she is and how her body is incredible. But she can’t see it?

Anything I can do to help her regain her confidence?

Thanks in advance.

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It’s always a hard one to answer as what your wife sees is different to want you see. Communication, get the kids off to bed early anfld have a good old chat with her…
You may just need to reconnect have a date night if possible

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Welcome to the forums :wave:

This is very common, and it’s so disheartening to hear women putting themselves down because they might have extra weight, stretch marks, scars, wrinkles, are not as firm in places as they once were etc
We all age, and our bodies carry the scars of life, from work, giving birth, illness and accidents, but we should wear those battle scars with pride, because it means we have lived and are survivors.

What a lot of women don’t realise is that us blokes age too, we put on weight round our bellies, get grey hair, lose our hair, gain hair where we don’t want it, etc and we accept that and we accept that our partners won’t look the same as when we first met them.
But we love them as they are and actually find those extra curves, lumps and bumps incredibly sexy.

I have said this numerous times, but it’s true…the sexiest thing a woman can wear in the bedroom is confidence, and if Lovehoney could sell that, it would be a top seller!
There is another body confidence topic, and i am guessing Brenna may merge the two, but go and have a read of it, and maybe get your wife to read it too.
You are doing the right thing by telling your OH that you love her body as it is. Hope this helps! :slightly_smiling_face:

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I have copied and pasted this from the Body Positivity topic, this is not my kind of music at all, but the lyrics are spot on, maybe show them to your wife. It’s an Ed Sheeran song sung by One Direction…

I heard this today, and i thought it would fit perfectly here…Your hand fits in mine like it’s made just for me
But bear this mind, it was meant to be
And I’m joinin’ up the dots with the freckles on your cheeks
And it all makes sense to me

I know you’ve never loved the crinkles by your eyes
When you smile
You’ve never loved your stomach or your thighs
The dimples in your back at the bottom of your spine
But I’ll love them endlessly

I won’t let these little things slip out of my mouth
But if I do, it’s you, oh, it’s you, they add up to
I’m in love with you and all these little things

You can’t go to bed without a cup of tea
Maybe that’s the reason that you talk in your sleep
And all those conversations are the secrets that I keep
Though it makes no sense to me

I know you’ve never loved the sound of your voice on tape
You never want to know how much you weigh
You still have to squeeze into your jeans
But you’re perfect to me

I won’t let these little things slip out of my mouth
But if it’s true, it’s you, it’s you, they add up to
I’m in love with you and all these little things

You never love yourself half as much as I love you
And you’ll never treat yourself right, darling, but I want you to
If I let you know, I’m here for you
Maybe you’ll love yourself like I love you, oh

And I’ve just let these little things slip out of my mouth
'Cause it’s you, oh, it’s you, it’s you they add up to
And I’m in love with you and all these little things
I won’t let these little things slip out of my mouth
But if it’s true, it’s you, it’s you they add up to
I’m in love with you and all your little things

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:heart: Well said. It destroys me to see the person I love the most be so cruel about themselves. Especially when she’s always been way out of my league. :face_with_hand_over_mouth:

Thank for pointing out there is an actual topic on this subject.

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No problem, i think there are a few, all worth reading!
If only they could see themselves through our eyes eh?

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Lots of threads on this that might be helpful so having a serch is a good plan too.

This is a nice one. Might be a good one for her to read.

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Congrats on your first post :smiley:

body image is a really hard thing to build up again once it’s fallen and will take time with lots of reassurance. Some women have found a new lease of life in confidence from having a lingerie boudoir photo shoot and pamper day… maybe something you could look into and ask her :slightly_smiling_face:

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Nice first post.
Welcome to the forum.

It’s something that quite a few men seem to be going through or have gone through.
I have had this for some time and I ( along with many others ) hate things like Love Island where they get the people with nice bodies and promote the wrong things in life.

My wife is the mother of my kids and it doesn’t matter what her body looks like compared to these good looking but dull people, I adore her and her body with her scars just shows the commitment she has as a mother. What could be sexier than sacrifice for others.

Keep doing what you are doing.
Like I said, I am in the same situation as you, but we have to make sacrifices to our own needs to please others.
My wife has 1% of my sex drive, but i still love her.

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Hi and welcome to the forum. Everyone on here is so supportive and non judgemental.

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@Stardust87 welcome to the forums. My wife has struggled with body image issues for most of her life, and having children and getting older has only added to that.

Lingerie has been a big help for us, as it helps her feel sexy and confident, especially if it’s a style such as a babydoll or a teddy that covers up the area she is currently most sensitive about (her stomach). We also talk a lot and I flirt with her all the time, although sometimes she’s just not in the mood for it if she’s in “mom mode” and dealing with the kids, but she almost always appreciate a little ass grab when I’m passing by.

As others have said, there is a lot of great advice here so you’ve definitely come to the right place.

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@Stardust87 hello and welcome to the forum :slightly_smiling_face: :upside_down_face: :slightly_smiling_face:

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Thank you all for all the really valuable insights and the warm welcome. It definitely helps knowing I am not alone. :heart:

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Hiya, I can relate a bit to this. My bum and boobs are fine, but everything else is yuck. To me, the worst thing anyone can say is that I’m beautiful because I don’t see myself that way. No one can make me unsee what I see, or make me feel any better. The more people that tell me I’m beautiful the less trust and confidence I have.

Just be there for each other I guess. Talk to each other emphasising there’s no pressure. Listen to each other so there’s no awkward atmosphere. Plenty of hugs too. Best of luck :blush:

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This is unfortunately just so true for many women expecially after having children. Body image has a huge impact on our relationships & sex life. We need to feel comfortable & confident in ourselves before we can be confident & at ease with anybody else. That saying ‘Love yourself’ springs to mind. I think my advice as someone who has negative body issues myself would be to just love her, its the little things you do that can mean the most, sneaky cuddles when she least expects it, leaving notes for her to find. Anything that makes her feel special & loved will help to boost her self confidence.

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Hey
I’m with you on this xx
I suffer with body image issues, my hubby try’s and I push further away.
My job I’m left pretty vulnerable to mens opinions, I web cam full time, and although I see lots of guys that clearly like my body, I feel myself constantly apologising because I have a big belly, and big boobs.
No matter how much I’m told, no one can see what I see.
I think we’re drummed into us that we must be a certain size, shape, mother, wife by the media, that we get lost in it, and rather than listen to those who love mean, we are stuck with what the “perfect” body should look like.

From personal aspect, I wear a black vest, which I use to cover my belly, I hate hubby touching my belly or drawing attention to it. So my way of coping is covering it. Let’s me feel like I have some control x

Hope this helps x

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