My husband is against trying a sex toy together but i'm really bored with our paint by numbers sex. It's the same every time without variation.
Does anyone have any experience with this? Any ideas on what to do? I should add that I am very new to toys myself. I have a Lelo Mia 2 and a Lovehoney Desire wand..
Any help would be most welcome..
Maybe start with a vibrating cock ring, it is not intimidating and simply adds to sex as it is already. After that the door may open for other types of toys.
One thing is sure, you're gonna have to talk so you know what makes him so against it.
Good luck!
He says that 'he should be doing things for me' it seems to hurt his ego..
I asked him about a cock ring recently and he wasn't interested. But as I plan to force the issue for my birthday that might be the least intrusive thing to try.
Thanks!
Or maybe compromise and keep the sex toys for later but fow now ask him to surprise you in bed! That way he will make an effort so it's not boring and maybe he will start enjoying it too and it could make him more open minded and finally lead to toys! :)
Alternatively you could start by warming him up to the idea by you using a toy on him. If he complains that it should be him giving you pleasure, perhaps showing him how eager you are to use toys and how good it mkes him feels would be a route in to it.
Thanks mamz, he is not the type to surprise unfortunately.. We literally do the same thing every time and after 10 years its getting old. I must be the catalyst for change! I really love the cock ring idea though, I think I can work that one in!
MK7 I think I'd give him a heart attack, he is a self proclaimed prude! I do need show him how much it can be enjoyable though, that will hopefully break down some barriers.. Thanks!
Hi sweet cherries,
Have you spoken to find out the reason why he is against using toys on you? If he's never used them before it may be something as simple as he doesn't know what to do with them.
Maybe next time you have an evening in together grab a nice glass of wine and have a browse through the site. Look at a few different things and explain what they are and how they could be used for both of your pleasure. Involve him in the process of picking something for the pair of you.
Hi sweet cherries,
Have you spoken to find out the reason why he is against using toys on you? If he's never used them before it may be something as simple as he doesn't know what to do with them.
Maybe next time you have an evening in together grab a nice glass of wine and have a browse through the site. Look at a few different things and explain what they are and how they could be used for both of your pleasure. Involve him in the process of picking something for the pair of you.
He thinks that he should be using his mouth or fingers.. He is also a prude, he won't discuss it AT ALL unless he is already turned on.
Complicating the matter is that we have kids so sitting down with wine would never happen, not to mention I don't drink.. I could give him a beer, but with the kids home...
It is an idea though, loosen him up with a beer.. Hmm, I do like that. Thanks Painte!
Hi sweet cherries as your OH feels he should be doing things for you the the vibrating cock ring is a good starter. It's not intrusive of him and I found when my hubby and I used it he enjoyed the sensation but I also got something from it because when I was on top it would vibrate on my clit... therefore both of you will get something from it. , maybe explain it that way.. Therefore he is doing something for you.. ;0) Hope he gives in cause there is so much fun to be had I have 4 young children so you Definately have to make more of a effort to get time on your own.. he might relax more.. I know I turn into someone completely different when their are no tiny ears around.. xSweet Cherries wrote:
He says that 'he should be doing things for me' it seems to hurt his ego..
I asked him about a cock ring recently and he wasn't interested. But as I plan to force the issue for my birthday that might be the least intrusive thing to try.
Thanks!
This guide might be helpful to you! http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/sex-toys/buyers-guide/how-to-introduce-sex-toys-into-a-relationship/
Hi do you ever massage his shoulders or anything like that? If you do you could use the wand to massage him then he might realise what the feelings are like and that toys can be used on both of you?
I hope he gets to enjoy them with you. Some people do feel threatened by toys (as if they arent good enough) he might need lots of reassurance that his performance is not the problem and that its just a fantasy of yours to try them with him?
Welcome to the forum and good luck 😊🍀
Thanks Cock suka.
It's hard with the little guys isn't it? I don't want to drift apart due to boredom. Our sex life has gotten very drab and non existent so in order to improve my sex drive, I started using toys for solo play, and I am reading Hot Sex by Tracey Cox...
He has felt the benefits of those and he said he's happy with the results of my experimenting.. So if I present the cock ring as another thing for both of us along this same vein, maybe he will relax into it..
Hello Sweet Cherries and welcome to the site.
You say everything is always the same, and he wont change. Then you must take control and lead him. Try different positions, if its normally him on top, turn him over and you get on top. Use what toys you have in front of him, the sight of you enjoying yourself might set him off, or get him to use your toys on you.
A cock ring is an excellent way to get him involved. Also try and get him to look at the Lovehoney site and this forum, so he can see for his own eyes what the rest of us are getting up to, and how much we are all enjoying ourselves.
Good luck
Thank you NatandTom! That's great! I didn't think to look if lovehoney had tips! Of course they do.. That's how I found LH, looking for tips to choose your first vibe... :)
Thanks Yummy Mummy..
I do massage his shoulders! That may be a good way to bring a toy out!
And yes, it's a feeling of not being good enough, a fear that I'm going somewhere he can't follow, but I want to bring him! It's incredibly frustrating..
Getting some lovely tips though! Thanks for helping me out!
Thanks KanuSuckmeov!
I think he would pass out looking at this forum!
But I'm hoping the cock ring will ease him in and then maybe if I put on a little show! He likes to watch.. Don't we all!
Thanks for the welcome, it's a really great forum, advice without the ick!
You've already been getting some realy good advice from the others. Agreed about a couples cock ring being ideal, However I wold just take one step backwards.
Why not ask him to use the wand on you body as part of your foreplay. I think it would help him to get used to the idea of introducing toys into your lovemaking. .Then once he is ok with that use the wand on his body as well including his undercarriage area and ask how he feels.
I think its probably a macho reluctance you need to get over .
mysteron wrote:
You've already been getting some realy good advice from the others. Agreed about a couples cock ring being ideal, However I wold just take one step backwards.
Why not ask him to use the wand on you body as part of your foreplay. I think it would help him to get used to the idea of introducing toys into your lovemaking. .Then once he is ok with that use the wand on his body as well including his undercarriage area and ask how he feels.
I think its probably a macho reluctance you need to get over .
Agree with this. Also you say that he thinks is he should be using his mouth and fingers......I'm assuming therefore, that he dosen't. Is he unsure how to bring you pleasure this way ? Asking him for something he dosen't know how to do is going to make him feel very insecure. Do you use your mouth and hands on him ? If not...why not ? Do so. Show him how good you can make him feel and he will maybe be more interested in returning the favour. If you don't want it to feel like you're forcing him just give him the opportunity. Have him lay on his back and kneel beside his shoulders. Lean forward and give him oral. After a while just lift your nearest leg over him. You'll both be in the perfect (69) position to pleasure each other.
I know you have children but maybe a friend or grand parents could have them for a short while so that you could have some time alone without them. Could you both bath or shower together ? Washing each other is a great way to get intimate...... without any pressure.
Hope you can move this side of relationship forward so that you both enjoy it more xx