You've already been getting some realy good advice from the others. Agreed about a couples cock ring being ideal, However I wold just take one step backwards.
Why not ask him to use the wand on you body as part of your foreplay. I think it would help him to get used to the idea of introducing toys into your lovemaking. .Then once he is ok with that use the wand on his body as well including his undercarriage area and ask how he feels.
I think its probably a macho reluctance you need to get over .
Agree with this. Also you say that he thinks is he should be using his mouth and fingers......I'm assuming therefore, that he dosen't. Is he unsure how to bring you pleasure this way ? Asking him for something he dosen't know how to do is going to make him feel very insecure. Do you use your mouth and hands on him ? If not...why not ? Do so. Show him how good you can make him feel and he will maybe be more interested in returning the favour. If you don't want it to feel like you're forcing him just give him the opportunity. Have him lay on his back and kneel beside his shoulders. Lean forward and give him oral. After a while just lift your nearest leg over him. You'll both be in the perfect (69) position to pleasure each other.
I know you have children but maybe a friend or grand parents could have them for a short while so that you could have some time alone without them. Could you both bath or shower together ? Washing each other is a great way to get intimate...... without any pressure.
Hope you can move this side of relationship forward so that you both enjoy it more xx