Id say if he is thinking that he should be doing things for you get him to use the toys on you, that may sooth the pride a little and you can both explore what you enjoy together
Thanks mysteron, that sounds about right. He thinks that he can make me orgasm and I don't need anything more but I want variety!
Thanks Terri JJ..
He actually does and so he thinks that should be more than enough. He is very into oral for me but won't let me return the favour! I convinced him to let me but he says no at the time, each time.
I managed to blow his mind the other day using some tips from Hot Sex and I told him I've started masturbating and for the first time he seemed to get that it could be good for us..
I just don't want to bruise his ego, I just want it to be a nice thing for us, not a pressure filled thing?
But I really want to give him oral, and I want toys involved...
kusanagi hits the nail on the head....ask him to use one of your toys on you, he stays in control, he's the one bringing you to orgasm. Good stepping stone...
Thanks kusangi,
I wish that he would, truly I do! But he has this old fashioned idea that a toy is someone/something else? A Tarzan sort of thing.
Very odd, he's not like that in other ways.. I'm just not sure how to get past that initial boundary..
How about massage? Showering/bathing together? What would he think about you using a toy on yourself while he watches?
Sweet Cherries wrote:
Thanks mysteron, that sounds about right. He thinks that he can make me orgasm and I don't need anything more but I want variety!
You just need to do things slowly like the wand I mentioned and take it one step at a time and "baby" him along. It won't fix things over night but I think it will start putting you in the right direction.albeit in a very slow manner I think you are going to need a lot of patience but you will get there in the end.
You could also try and take the lead in the bedroom perhaps even tie is hands in front with a scarf. . It will tell him who's boss and do things on you own terms with plenty of foreplay and Tease.
I've read all the great advice thus far and I agree a cock ring would be the most unintrusive way to start and you'd both get something out of it. My husband was doubtful about them in the beginning, but he soon saw the benefits. Mind you, we still have sex without using one too, it all depends what we're in the mood for, so it's not like once you start using a cock ring and see its benefits, you always have to use one.
Having said that, I thought of recommending the I O U Hot Sex vouchers. These should be pretty vanilla sex spiced up. We have not opened all cards yet, but the way I see them working for you is that you give him one and that's his suggestion for the night. It's a game sort of, and he has to act out the task for you. It should make you both try new things with the responsibility of what handed down to the vouchers which can be a load off pressure-wise for his conservative ideas.
However, when I was searching for the link for above vouchers, I actually thought of putting together a very non intimidating starter pack from the 3 for £10 offer:
http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=15127 - the vouchers for vanilla sex with cinnamon here and there :)
http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=15984 - you can't go wrong with these ones, comes in 3 sizes so one will most definitely be comfortable for his manhood, it is clear so practically invisible, and very narrow so it's not going to get in the way (we have them and love them)
http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=33570 - when people think of sex toys they usually think of vibrators or butt plugs, though there are so many gentle choices out there. A tickler can give you new sensations, sensations a hand or a mouth could never give (so his arguments don't stand a chance here), and you really can't get more innocent than this! It's just like a light caress, but over aroused nipples for example (rigorously done by his hand or mouth) gives you an entirely different experience.
And maybe a piece of sexy or outright adventurous lingerie might help too? Something that can stay in place during sex too, just to get him accustomed to the idea that "things" along with you two naked in the bed are not necessarily a bad idea! Maybe a cut out bodystocking or a pair of crotchless knickers?
Thanks SquirtyPanda.
I'm not sure about showering or bathing together, but maybe, if he's worked up he's less likely to say no!
Hmm, that's a good idea mysteron, he likes me to be in charge, if I just totally take charge it could work..
And yes, it'll take time I think. It's not going to be easy.. But I think it'll be worth it.
Thanks era, I truly should be sleeping but all those links! Lovely! I love a good rec!
I actually have a tickler, I got a tie n tease set with the Desire wand!
Lingerie! Crotchless knickers would make him lose his mind, I'm sure of it...
Thanks alone4eva,
That's really clever! He loves basketball so that might be in! Good tips on this site!!