I would be inclined to ask him not to make contact unless it’s about your son. It can still be amicable without him causing you to be hopeful or confused about his intentions. 13 reasons are a lot of reasons to not be with someone
I agree with @rockstar and @KinkyMira, words vs actions, I’d fully expect him to say he wants you back and wants to move home. Because that’s the easy option, and it’s more convenient than staying with his parents or finding his own place.
Keep that list handy for when you waiver. You’ve got this and you’re not an option.
@JoCat and @KinkyMira I have no idea what is going on in his head. Im not sure I can ever get past “I don’t love you”.
I would have to see real and sustained change over many months to even consider a reconciliation. There is no way Im dragging our Son through this again.
He has had some really bad news tonight which I know will make him look at our situation in a new light. Im aware that I need to be very careful.
Just remember to put your needs amd those of your child first. There might at some point in the future be a reconciliation but it needs to be on your terms and you need to be sure that you want it.
Bad news for him is likely to make him try to get back with you in some capacity. Be strong. If you did get back with him, it wouldn’t be the same - it never is. xx
@The_Little_Ladybird glad to see you’re doing good, and you’re son too which is obviously the priority! You’ve shown just how strong you actually are by getting yourself through all this! And I know from personal experience just how hard it actually is!
My ex has recently been having a hard time and having some bad news herself! She was bleeding me dry for years (or at least it seemed she was trying to) but recently asked me for money once again after not being together for a good while now and us both having new partners! I actually gave in and sent her what she asked for! No matter how she was with me in the end she will always be the mother of my children so I’d never see her struggling so much! As you can imagine it nearly finished things with me and my new partner but for me I’m glad I did it! She’ll never change and I’ll never get back with her. Like you said it’d take some huge changes for that to ever be considered, even then I never would though after everything that’s happened and I’m happier now with my partner than I ever have been!
I’m sure you’ll continue to be fine whatever happens with you both and I hope to god that if Mr John does make the changes he needs then he sticks to it, for you, you’re son and for him!
Hope you’ve had a great Christmas and have a great new year! Next year will be a fantastic one I’m sure
I have no idea what is going to happen next. Im just really glad that emotionally I am in a good place, eyes wide open.
As much as I am putting myself first having a teenage Son here, watching me go through this is keeping me rational.
He needs to see that I am in control, sensible and reliable. Im his constant and his safety and doing stupid shit like jumping back into a relationship of any kind with someone who has jumped ship is just stupid (even if its his Dad).
Im getting good at taking a day at time and not thinking too much about the future.
@The_Little_Ladybird . As far as reasons are concerned , do not be surprised if there is some revelation that comes out , as to why he changed.
You are looking after your son and yourself and that is the most important thing.
People change for all sorts of reasons , some understandable some not.
All im saying , do not be shocked by anything…generally the truth comes out one way or another.
Im 2 sessions into cognitive behaviour therapy and I can honestly say it has changed my life.
My reactions to things such as spilling a cuppa have switched so much. Before I’d have got upset, anxious, annoyed. Now I automatically feel, “oh good job the table has a lip my carpet is dry” "table was dusty anyway so now I will definitely sort it ". I feel like a new woman.
Only downside is my brain doesn’t want to sleep. Bilateral music seems to make the waking up in the night worse (every 2 hours last night). Atleast this means that my brain is recovering.
Sleep meditation might help, something like a body scan to help relax body and wind down properly.
Routine, no devices for an hour+ before bed, keep bed for sleep time only, lots of different bits could suggest (my 20 year old has sleep issues, but prefers the problem over solution)
If listening to relaxing podcasts are your thing, I listen to one called ‘Sleepy’ by Otis Grey, where he reads books from the public domain. His voice is so soft and soothing, it’s honestly amazing to go to sleep to.
I’ve actually found it’s the only thing to ever work for me outside of medication (which I didn’t want to rely on), as I would be up all night with my thoughts racing. With this podcast, I’m out like a light, and sleep right up until morning.
Do you have a weighted blanket? I sleep much better since I got one, although not great for hot summer nights.
You are doing amazingly well. Hope your wee boy is doing fine too. X
My neighbour has lent me a weighted blanket, not sure its working for me but feels nice.
Im amazing myself. In 6 weeks I have turned it all around. My head was totally in the sand for many years. Now all I have to do is keep getting better little by little.
My Son is great, thanks for the kind words @Honey-Bear
