New to light bondage

We are new to light bondage after having been together for quite a number of years. I suspected she wanted to go down this avenue of introducing some "kinky activity" in the bedroom, but she was too embarrassed to ask. I eventually introduced it and at first she was like "no way", but this rapidly changed to "yes please". We have done some bondage a few times now, but I still feel very much the rookie. We are into bondage for her (which she loves) and use things like satin ties to tie her to the bed, blindfold and either a ball gag or cleave gag. I typically use a feather tickler, nipple suction cups (nipple clamps seemed to hurt), vibrator, dildo and perform oral on her. She has some of the most powerful orgasms ever whilst tied up, blindfolded and gagged.

I had some questions if people are comfortable to share some opinions with me...

1. Cleave gags - I always loved seeing these in movies and find them quite erotic. I am confused on what material is typically used though? Are they just scarves, or bandannas? Some I see are white, look slightly puffy and slender. Some I see are black, quite puffy and look like they stretchy. I like the sexy damsel look, but would like the gag to muffle sound a bit. Any suggestions?

2. Ball gags - We have an intermediate sized one and will probably not go any larger as she said it can hurt her jaw after a while. I worry that using a ball gag might do damage to her jaw? Is this something that can happen? She would only ever be gagged for 20min - 45min max.

3. Doing the bondage thing - I am curious to know how people typically would do a bondage session and what they typically do? How do couples set it up, what activities are typically done? Please keep in mind that we are not into torture or that kind of level and do not plan to go to that level. For us, we are very happy with her being tied, gagged and blindfolded for a time of pleasure, where she just has no choice but to enjoy in silence. Last time or two, I felt it was a bit rushed and would like to take it slower. I don't really have the desire to be tied up, but I enjoy tying her up and having my way with her (all done consentually). How often do couples do this? It would be fun to get a bit more relaxed and not have things so "scripted".

I never thought we would actually get into bondage, but it is definitely an amazing experience.

Thanks for any advice or sharing of experiences.

What an awesome response 😊 I will defo be taking some of this away too xx

Thanks for the replies...

I find using a gag on her is quite exciting. The look and the muffled sound of her moans sound sexy, so I am a big fan. At first she said no way (and I was never going to force it), but in the heat of the moment she was keen to try and now she likes it. I think it adds to the experience for her, along with the blindfold.

With cleave gags, does anyone know what is generally used? In photos I see different types of materials and cannot workout what they generally are. I know in one type, the cloth is white with a large knot in the middle and then two smaller knots each side of the larger knot?

With setting up a bondage scene, how do couples usually do it from initiating to packing things away? It good when the kids have a sleep over or something and you can take things more slowly. However, it can add excitement when kids are at home and you have to keep her quiet (gag).

Hi there, I have been away from the forums for a little while. I’ve been busy with other stuff but this has peeked my interest. Although me and my OH don’t have any kids, we always make sure that we are both in the mood. We have the under bed ties that we have ready to use if we want to. As well as that we do have a collar and lead that we use (she wears the collar and lead as she is the sub) it find that if she wears the collar with a certain lingerie set she has I find that she is really cute and sexy at the same time. Usually she is tied down to the bed and has a ball gag and blindfold on unless she asks not too. She like watching during the fun. We also usually have our toys close to hand which in this case is usually a mini magic wand. Virbrator and every now and again a butterfly vibrator to tease her. I do make her please me and untie her (that is just my preference though and she enjoys doing that) Ive never used a cleave gag before, a lot of these toys and other bondage items we use Ihave spoken to my OH to see what she would be comfortable with. I do have other ideas I would like to try but the main thing is to speak to your OH and make sure there is a safe word or action if you need it. Also don’t push your OH you have to communicate even if they are just ideas. Finally for clearing up we usually have a bedside cabinet that we keep the toys in and a box for the lingerie and other bondage stuff under the bed. Hope this helps you.

Thanks for your post!

We are very new to the whole bondage thing and have a lot to learn. Your posts are very helpful and greatly appreciated.

I was wondering if anyone can typically how they set things up for an evening of bondage play? Are you able to talk me through how you initiate it and what you typically do (please, nothing too explicit). At the moment, it feels all a bit too structured and formal. It's fun don't get me wrong, but I wanted to get an idea on what people typically do, so I can be a little more relaxed and carefree in initiating and carrying out the play.

Also, does anyone have any tips on the cleave gags and materials that can be used? I have seen some with knots in them and these seem to be more effective at muffling sound. I also think a cleave gag is much more comfortable than a ball gag. Does anyone have any tips or guides on a cleave gag?

Thanks!

Hi! :) we have the underbed restraints so they are permanently under our mattress and I can grab them out at a moments notice to tie my hubby up

we have a small child (1) and two older (11 and 14) so this is the ideal item for us as we don’t have to worry about any of them finding out handcuffs 🤣

https://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=19809 We also have a blindfold in the bedside drawer and a feather tickler and he loves nothing more than not knowing what’s coming next!

Enjoy!

Delightful87 wrote:

Hi! :) we have the underbed restraints so they are permanently under our mattress and I can grab them out at a moments notice to tie my hubby up

we have a small child (1) and two older (11 and 14) so this is the ideal item for us as we don’t have to worry about any of them finding out handcuffs 🤣

https://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=19809 We also have a blindfold in the bedside drawer and a feather tickler and he loves nothing more than not knowing what’s coming next!

Enjoy!

Thanks for your post.

Do you use any type of a gag? Do you stick with tying up to the bed only, or do you try other areas of the house and other items of furniture?

Is nobody really into bedroom bondage here?

Hi Pacman2000 we only use our bedroom as we live in a multigenerational household (my parents and our children (14, 11 and 1)) so unfortunately for us that’s our only option.

I’d love hubby to tie me to the table but that won’t happen for a looooong time! We are planning on getting a chair for our room so we can have somewhere else to have some fun. However we are very limited.

Gags; no we don’t. It’s not something I’ve been interested in but interest and intrigue has been ignited and I am going to have a look at them. I’m finding it very difficult to keep quiet lately 😂🙈

Delightful87 wrote:

Hi Pacman2000 we only use our bedroom as we live in a multigenerational household (my parents and our children (14, 11 and 1)) so unfortunately for us that’s our only option.

I’d love hubby to tie me to the table but that won’t happen for a looooong time! We are planning on getting a chair for our room so we can have somewhere else to have some fun. However we are very limited.

Gags; no we don’t. It’s not something I’ve been interested in but interest and intrigue has been ignited and I am going to have a look at them. I’m finding it very difficult to keep quiet lately 😂🙈

Thanks for your post.

I think that light bondage is not really discussed on here?

Tying up certainly added a new dynamic for us. We are not into anything extreme. Wife tied to the bed or chair and gagged rocks her world as does mine.

I still feel a bit new to it all and still somewhat tense on how to start the ball rolling etc. The other night, she said that she loves it when I am more dominate and not timid.

I wish there was somewhere that I can read up on what couples typically do for light bondage, without the extreme side being discussed or shown.

Have you searched the forums for light bondage? I’ll try in a bit and if there are any threads I think may help I’ll link them here :)

What do you mean by ‘how to start the ball rolling’? Are you quite a laid back person? Does dominance not come easily to you? Would it be easier for you if your wife dictated when she was ready for bondage? Do you have a safe word so you can both stop immediately? And a signal for if she’s struggling but gagged? These are important safety concerns to have in place.

Maybe your wife could sit in the open submissive position so you know what role to play? It’s easy for me as I am usually at home and waiting for hubby to return (he gets home around 8:30pm and leaves again at 4am) so I can get in his favourite lingerie and have the restraints waiting for him. He’s quite a laid back guy irl so dominance comes easier to me than him.

Sorry I couldn’t be of more help! Hopefully someone will be along with some better advice soon :)

Delightful87 wrote:

What do you mean by ‘how to start the ball rolling’? Are you quite a laid back person? Does dominance not come easily to you? Would it be easier for you if your wife dictated when she was ready for bondage? Do you have a safe word so you can both stop immediately? And a signal for if she’s struggling but gagged? These are important safety concerns to have in place.

Thanks. I have done a bit of a search, but nothing really comes up. I also tried other sites, but when you try and do a search on bondage, a whole lot of stuff comes up (if you know what I mean). We are a pretty tame couple and are both on the same page with keeping things that way for us. Tying up is about as far as we with to go.

I am generally not a dominant person, so yes... I do struggle a bit with taking charge. It would be brilliant if someone can chime in and share what actually happens in their bondage sessions. I would like a bit of detail, but nothing too graphic. I would like to read up on what others do typically and then see what works for us.

At the moment when we do bondage, it is a bit too structured and maybe tense (for me doing the tying up and pleasuring).

I'm no bondage expert but we do dabble. 🙂 We mainly use the bondage boutique under-bed restraints. We also own a crop, a flogger, a tickler or two, some masks and a blindfold, as well as a spreader bar and some over-the-door restraints (I like buying unusual items when they're in the sale 🙂).

To be honest we don't use a lot of that stuff regularly, and when we do it's mainly for show. We don't really class what we do as 'bondage' as such as we're generally just mucking around. Even when one of us is tied up it's not really a sub/Dom thing.

I think the best tip I've read on here (apart from having a clear safe word) is to use a blindfold if you're feeling self-conscious. That way you can have a think about what you're going to do next without having the added pressure off feeling like you're being put on the spot.

Just remember to relax and have fun. You can always get more stern/submissive and into characters when you get more comfortable with it.

Hope this helps 🙂

I can only share our experience and others will be different.

Our experience, in my opinion is a more progressive flow into bondage.

So if I’m being dominant hubby will come home and get sorted whilst I am getting changed or I will be ready waiting (depending on how difficult it is to get the child to sleep!)

Hubby will come into the room and I will either announce the he is mine and will do as I say or start more subtly and seduce him into submission. I will position him how I want him (tied up or using the bed restraints etc) I will tell him what I want him to do or what I’m going to do to him if he doesn’t.

I force and withhold ejaculation with him and use a tickler/paddle/massage oil or candle etc I want to buy this: https://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=34277 as I think we would both enjoy it. I think it’s important to remember that play shouldn’t be structured and you should do what you feel comes naturally to you. That way it’s more sustainable. Others take on a persona and that helps them become the dominant/submissive persona their partner requires.

The session then progresses and I end it when I see fit. That doesn’t always mean orgasms for either of us. We both know play is over when I remove the restraints or say that play is over if we aren’t using restraints at that point.

As I said, there is no right or wrong way. You have to do what is comfortable for you and your wife. She wants you to be more dominant so discuss boundaries, hard boundaries and soft boundaries. That way you know what you can work up to and what you must avoid.

She has her safe word/action so if it’s too much she can communicate that with you as/when she feels she needs to. If you know what she likes and what she’d like to try then it’ll be easier for you to dominate play and try those things. If neither of you know then you need to sit down together and discuss those things. I know my husband would divorce me if I touch him bum but I know many men on here love pegging!

Communication is absolutely key
Well said Ian! You don’t need to be an expert- just see where the journey takes you.

Over door restraints 😍 no chance in this household, our door is like a revolving one with children and parents 🙄🤣

I couldn’t think how stressful it must be for you Pacman2000 if you’re so tense with trying to be dominant. Yes you probably feel a bit lost and out of your depth but I would take it back a stage and start to enjoy yourself.

Wish I could be more helpful with my responses but I’m not very good with words (dyslexia is a killer for that!)

Thanks for posting this! I would say that we are of a similar idealogy on this. We are definitely not into anything extreme. Way beyond us...

For us, we enjoy the tying up as a bit of kinky fun. This is all it ever will be for us. Wife was very hesitant at first about the whole bondage thing, but now loves it. I think the feeling of being helpless, not able to see what comes next (blindfold) and not able to tell me what to do (gagged) just ramps things up big time. We never thought we would ever get into this, but it is definitely a whole lot of fun...

I wanted to bump this thread to see if anyone else can comment or share bondage experiences...